letting go and learning about the perfection of life

Sweet Dreams (acrylic on old board)*

Sweet Dreams (acrylic on old board)*

A couple of weeks ago, we noticed that our cat Ben was seeming off. He wasn’t hungry and was sleeping more than usual. We’d contemplated taking him to the vet but he began to improve. Then one day last week, he ran out in front of a car and made an instant transition into the non-physical realm.

After I recovered from the shock of his sudden passing, a deep knowing came over me that this was his choice. It wouldn’t have been mine. I would’ve preferred to take him to the vet, find out what was wrong, then make decisions from there. As I thought about this, I could see that my desire to control so much, even believing that life and death were things I should have some sort of power over, was futile. Alan Watts once said, “Believing that we have control over life is like the little child sitting next to father in the car, holding onto our plastic steering wheel, thinking we are the ones driving the car.”

When I take my emotions out of the picture, I can see that Ben’s passing was perfect for him and helpful for me. It was a great lesson in letting go of my ideas of right and wrong, my ideas about how others should live and die. He’s also been showing up in my dreams almost every night, and in my dreams I always say, “Ben! you’re here!” and he looks at me like, “Yeah, of course I’m here. I never left.” So he continues to teach me about the perfection of life, even now.

As the years advance upon me, I see not only greatness but goodness, not only possibility but inevitability, in every little happening in the cosmos”. Sri Chinmoy

*this (and other!) paintings of mine are available for sale on MY ARTWORK page

This entry was posted on September 1, 2014. 26 Comments

a wonderful talk


Fred doing what he does best…relaxing

I just watched such an inspiring talk by Jim Carrey. When I finished I thought, “I wish that I could share this with everyone in my life!” …and so I am. Loving thoughts to you all today, Mary

This entry was posted on August 28, 2014. 6 Comments

friends surround us

a perfectly lazy afternoon at White Feather Farm

a lazy afternoon at White Feather Farm

I was asking my 86-year-old mother the other day if she was planning a trip to Florida this winter. She doesn’t go every year, but it has always been something that she loved doing. Her answer took me aback. She basically said, “One of the things that I loved about going to Florida was walking on the beach. I’m not steady enough on my feet to do that anymore, but it’s ok. I’m finding that I don’t necessarily want to do the things I’ve always done.”

She was so absolutely peaceful as she talked that I sat in amazement. My mother has always been the kind of person who wanted to do everything fast….and faster than other people. She didn’t accept “limitations” in herself or others, and while I think it can be wonderful to have high standards, there can also be something exhausting about it (both for the person and for those around them). Even people who are constantly trying to “be better people” often seem uneasy….and so they are not easy to be around.

I never remember my mother being at peace with herself and so as I watch her move into this place of acceptance, and not fighting the natural rhythm of her life, I feel at peace being with her too.

Life is not a battle to be won. There are no enemies who need to be fought. There is nothing to struggle against, or for, or with….unless I approach life that way. I’ve done that in the past, and I have exhausted myself and others. Life is happening for me…life is happening for you…life is happening for us all. …it’s time to relax, it’s time to trust that we live in a friendly universe…filled only with friends (and this includes our bodies, our animals, our families, our communities, our country, our world).

“Strenuous effort defeats your purpose and suggests the consciousness of an adverse force to be fought against….” Genevieve Behrend, from Your Invisible Power



Perfect Comes in All Shapes and Sizes (acrylic on old board) for sale on my artwork page

Perfect Comes in All Shapes and Sizes (acrylic on old board) for sale on my artwork page

This entry was posted on August 24, 2014. 7 Comments

Happy endings


Happy Endings (acrylic on old board)

Happy Endings (acrylic on old board)**

I recently finished reading two really well written books, but can only recommend the first* because the second one, although it won some big awards, had an unhappy and unsatisfying ending. As I sat looking at these two books last evening (I was going to loan them to a friend who is going on vacation) I was struck by the thought that no children’s books have unhappy endings . What teacher wants to read a book to a group of 8 year olds and have them, at the end, all crying or depressed?

I did this to my sons once. I can’t remember how old they were, but I thought that they should be introduced to “important” literature and read them, Edgar Allan Poe’s, “The Tell Tale Heart”. I’m pretty sure that I didn’t get to finish it. At least one of them was crying, and they were both afraid.  What a stupid thing for me to do. Really. Horrifying, really.

Yet much fiction (and non-fiction) is exactly this: horrifying.  What also struck me as I thought about these two books, is how arbitrary endings are. What is an “ending” anyway? No story is ever finished. Even if the character that we fell in love with dies, where did they go? Surely that gorgeous energy is somewhere…the story is not over….ever. Removed from our view, changed, different, but not over.

Goodness is happening all around us. Every life is an ongoing story of positive expansion….even if in the moment it seems unhappy, stuck, bored, depressed, hopeless, or helpless….the story is not over. My story is not over, your story is not over, no story is over.

Sometimes, when I’m in the middle of a tough time I will say to myself, “I wonder how this is going to turn out? I am looking forward to seeing the gift!” When I remember to do this, I can feel my energy lighten and I know that I’m shining a light on my path so the wonderful things can find me easier.

Imagine happy endings…even though there are no endings. It will make the journey a lot more fun.

Do you want to be always happy?
Then give up fighting
For negativity
And learn the beautiful art
Of self-encouragement.          Sri Chinmoy

*the title of this book is, “Masterpiece” by Elise Broach (a wonderful children’s book that I thoroughly enjoyed)

** this painting and others are for sale on MY ARTWORK page

This entry was posted on August 19, 2014. 14 Comments

take the love….. leave the judgement

Dream Big (my latest painting, acrylic on very old, thick board)*

Dream Big (my latest painting, acrylic on very old, thick board)**

There is a scene in the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, where George has just gotten married and he runs into his uncle Billy, who was not at the wedding because he forgot about it. Uncle Billy forgets a lot and he also drinks a lot. The two seem to be related. Uncle Billy says to George, “Was it a nice wedding, George?…” and George smiles, points to one of the many strings that Uncle Billy has tied around his fingers (to remind him not to forget things) and says, “You can take this one off now”.

There was so much acceptance in that brief exchange of love.

A few years ago,I was listening to a woman* in a spiritual workshop complain that her mother kept sending her expensive containers of frozen wheatgrass juice which she did not want to drink. This woman had cancer and her mother thought that wheatgrass juice could be healing. The woman was angry with her mother for persisting in sending something that she didn’t want. The leader of the workshop then said, “Keep the love and throw the wheatgrass out”.

So many things have love as their essence, yet if I am unable or unwilling to see the love hidden in the message/gift, I miss out. I grew up with a family member who was a “big talker” when it came to fantastic plans for the future ….but  he wasn’t big on follow-through.  This aspect of him was criticized by everyone in the family to the point where almost anything he said was ignored and his promises scoffed at. It never occurred to me that his promises were full of love for me. It never occurred to me that I could take the love that was being offered in that moment, and let go of the future.

I had a conversation with him last week and he said, “Next year, we are going to go on a big trip together….maybe Paris or somewhere fantastic” and I smiled and said, “I love that idea”, and that was the truth. Will we go? Maybe. Maybe not….but it doesn’t matter to me. I felt his love for me and I kept it!

*”Keep the love and throw the wheatgrass out”   from a live workshop given by Carolyn Myss


* this painting and others are for sale on MY ARTWORK page

This entry was posted on August 12, 2014. 17 Comments

The world is for me…. and for you

Noah watching


I forgot to breath today…but I found myself breathing anyway. I forgot to grow my hair, beat my heart, or circulate my blood…but they all worked just the way they were supposed to, even though I didn’t consciously do them. As a matter of fact, with the exception of breathing, I don’t do any of the other functions that my body so easily performs day in and day out. And truly, I don’t know how I take a deep breath. Sure, I have the thought, “breath” and then I do it, but what is a thought? How does that work?

The leap that I have been taking lately is to trust that my life is working, opportunities are coming, circumstances and events are showing up, even when I have no clue how this is happening. I am moving into the realization that my life is “being done” by the much larger part of me and that my part is to show up; open, relaxed, and ready to take action when I know that the action is being directed by my larger self. If someone needs me, I trust that I will be led to them, or them to me.

I heard a wonderful talk by Alan Watts several days ago and he basically said, “The larger part of us, the part of us that is connected to everything, and everyone, is omnipotent and omniscient. We are a part of that field so we don’t have to know how to do something to do it.” It is impossible to figure out the “hows”, and if I think that my life needs to make sense (to my conscious mind) and that I need to get everything figured out before I make a move, then the world I’m living in is way too small, since it doesn’t include any variable beyond what my puny little mind can conjure up.

I cannot figure out how miracles, magic, mystery, healing, or love happen. When I look back over my life and notice where these wonders have occurred, one consistent theme prevails: none were orchestrated by me (my conscious mind). All seemed to come from some other place. I do not have to figure out what this place is to trust in it.

“I perceived that I wouldn’t have to go out and search for what I was supposed to do, it would unfold before me….but I wouldn’t have to pursue anything or work at figuring out how I was going to achieve it. I simply had to allow it to unfold. To access this state of allowing, the only thing I had to do was to be myself!” Anita Moorjani, from her book, Dying to be me, (talking about the revelation she had during her near death experience)


Help is here, now


Mary and I having a wonderful lunch at the Upriver Cafe in Latke Luzern NY

Mary and I having a wonderful lunch at the Upriver Cafe in Lake Luzerne NY

I was supposed to pick up my niece from the airport a few days ago and for some reason I left the house late. I don’t like to be late, as a matter of fact, I’d rather be early and wait. When I think I’m going to be late I feel anxiety well up inside and no matter how many times I tell myself to relax, take it easy, no big deal, some unconscious part of me thinks it is a big deal to be late.

About half way through the trip, I took a turn that I hoped would be a shortcut and as soon as I made it, I began to doubt the decision. My anxiety escalated and I felt worse and worse until I said out loud, “I need help”. I turned on the radio and the words, “I can’t stand this indecision, married to a lack of vision….” were playing. Exactly what I needed to hear….the answer to my prayer was being broadcast into my car.

I realized that I had been thinking about what I didn’t want: being late, imagining Mary getting off the plane, looking around for me, forlornly getting her bags, thinking I didn’t care enough to be on time. This was the scenario I was playing in my head. No wonder I felt bad.

I took a deep breath and thought of the “vision” that I would like to see; me standing at the gate and Mary smiling when we saw each other. From that moment on, I kept replaying the new scene in my mind (although the old one kept trying to push in).  I did make it to the airport on time.

Help is all around us, all of the time. 24/7, it is as close as our breath, our heartbeat, our next thought, the words playing on the radio, ….the ways that our larger self (the Divine Self that is always connected to All) tries to help us are endlessly varied and always available. Just remember to ask …..and then listen….and then do what it says to do!


“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing” Arundhati Roy*


* Thank you Liz for this wonderful quote! I loved it so much that I painted my version of it, and it is for sale on MY ARTWORK  page

"She is on her way" acrlic on 2 boards (with nest and bird 'inside')

“She is on Her Way” acrylic on 2 boards (with nest and bird ‘inside’)





This entry was posted on August 5, 2014. 8 Comments