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smiling sky

This past Sunday afternoon I found myself lying on the couch, not wanting to move.  As I looked around the room, I saw clutter on my computer desk, cat hair on the rug, the coffee table had stacks of books on it that I hadn’t put away, under it was a box filled with odds and ends that I didn’t want to throw out, but hadn’t organized; cards sent by friends, a necklace made of small shells that I will never wear, coins, photographs, bank statements, cd’s out of their cases, post office slips, sheets of blank paper, envelopes… Everything, including me, seemed dull and dingy somehow. On top of that, I felt guilty for being in this state of mind.

I thought, “I need help.” The idea came, “Clean up your mess.” I got up, turned on an inspirational cd, and made a commitment not to stop until I had cleaned off the entire coffee table, which seemed like a big deal at the time. I felt better almost instantly. I used to tackle things like “the whole house” but have found that when I’m not feeling great, just the idea of those big projects more often than not, keeps me immobile. When I start with something small, like the coffee table, I almost always continue on to more.

After a few good hours of cleaning, I went outside to get a breath of fresh air and this was the sky that faced me.

“I had as many doubts as anyone else. Standing on the starting line, we’re all cowards.” Alberto Salazar

*Wayne Dyer has a number of really good, inspirational cd sets from live lectures. I can whole-heartedly recommend, The Power of Intention, The Secrets of an Inspirational Life, It’s Never Crowded Along the Extra Mile.

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The Best or the Worst. The choice is mine?

I attended a workshop Tuesday evening and at the break, I was standing on the porch listening to a rather loud discussion by a couple of the other participants. One woman was saying, “This is the worst workshop that I have ever been to. There is nothing new being presented!” (she had just asked for a refund…which she did receive, and was leaving),  and another woman replied, “I think this is the best workshop that I have ever attended…..”

I have been in plenty of situations where people have had very different reactions to something, but this may have been the most pronounced. Neither of these women were new to the information, but it was clear that the woman who thought it was the best, was open to more than just the information being presented. She was enjoying the entire experience.

The woman who was leaving, looked like someone you might avoid if you met her on the street. Her face was hard and her mouth tight. She looked ready for a fight. She didn’t leave peacefully, with the attitude, “Well, this is just not for me, so I am leaving, but I hope that you enjoy it.” Even on her way out, she was trying to convince others that it was awful too.

She had made up her mind that the evening was a waste, and so that is what it became to her. Even though she had gotten her money back, and  had only spent an hour of her time in the workshop, she was still angry….. suffering because of her attitude, not because of the workshop. It is really easy to see this in someone else…not so much when it is me. Witnessing these two women was a powerful reminder that I alone choose my attitude and that my attitude will ultimately determine how much I enjoy my life.

“You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.” (quote attributed to the Buddha)

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Attitude makes all the difference

This morning at White Feather Farm: our generator

Several years ago, we had a huge storm here in the northeast which took the power out for days. As I recall, the temperature hovered around 30 degrees (not cold for us) but by the second day, our house was also that temperature and things that we took for granted, like being able to flush the toilet, were no longer functional. We kept expecting the power to come back on, but the forecast by Niagara Mohawk was not good. At 5 a.m. we bundled up (even more) and headed to town for coffee.

Luckily the West Village Market had coffee, heat, WiFi and working bathrooms! I was feeling optimism and appreciation….until I went on-line and started looking for a generator. We had talked about buying one before but never got around to it. Now I, and every other person in the northeast, was looking and there was not one to be found.

We headed back home. Many times, when Jack and I hit a “crisis” situation, I am the one who can keep an optimistic attitude. I know the power that attitude and emotions have to line us up with good solutions. But I forgot all this that morning. I did not even feel a drop of hope inside…could not pull up one positive thought and wasn’t trying. We drove past Endee Electric, and Jack said he was going to stop in and see if Bob knew where we could buy or rent a generator. I said, “Jack, don’t bother him now. He has probably been out all night on calls.” Jack drove past and then stopped and said, “I am going back. It will only take a minute and I really want to”. I was annoyed. I imagined myself sitting in the car for 1/2 hr while he chatted with Bob, coming out no further ahead.

I sat in the car wondering if we should check into a motel, if the cats would be warm enough, if the pipes would freeze, if the basement would flood without the sump pump…all sorts of negative thoughts took over as I sat in my gloomy little space.  Jack came out of Bob’s a few minutes later and got into the car, turned to me and said, “Bob has one generator left and he is coming by at noon to hook it up.”

I was stunned, delighted, and so grateful that I had been wrong….that Jack had not joined me in my bad attitude but kept his balance.  He had never felt as pessimistic as I did during this situation, so he was able to find a solution that worked.

We lost our power again last night at 1 a.m. and Jack immediately hooked up the generator and then stayed up most of the night,  to make sure everything was running fine. As we talked over coffee this morning I noticed that he wasn’t upset that he lost sleep or that there was yet another storm… he said he was feeling such gratitude for having a generator. I agreed. I was also feeling gratitude for the generator, but even more than that, for his attitude on that winter morning a few years ago.

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