the blessing of choices

Bodhi paying a visit, as I sat at my desk yesterday

I brought Luke to the river yesterday in the late afternoon. I’d planned on being there about an hour, but 10 minutes after I arrived, a large group showed up. I don’t mind loud or rowdy people who are having fun, but this felt less like fun, and more like potential trouble and I didn’t want to be there, so I left. I was having a hard time not judging these people, and I wondered why I had dove-tailed with them.

I came home, sat in the garden for a while, and threw Luke a ball. As I settled in, I realized how much had been going on over the past few days, but instead of trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought, “I am going to choose one thing that is good in my life right now.” I started thinking about the food that I’d had for lunch.

A friend and I met at a local restaurant and had the most delicious meal (we asked for the recipe but were told it was a secret), so she found it on-line, sent it to me, and this led to me thinking I’d go to the store tomorrow, buy the ingredients, and try to recreate it.

And then it dawned on me; I get to go to the store and buy whatever I need to make this dish. I can decide what to make for dinner. I can choose what I want to eat. This is something that I’ve always taken for granted, or even looked upon as a chore, and suddenly it was feeling like a profound gift.

.. the thoughts expanded out from there. I  no longer felt irritated at the river people, I even hoped that they had a good time and all went well for everyone. I was grateful that I had the choice to come home, grateful that I had a home.

“I would rather be able to appreciate things I can not have, than to have things I am not able to appreciate.” Elbert Hubbard

If you would like a weekend assignment, how about picking one thing in your life that you are happy to have, but don’t usually give much thought to; like running water, clean sheets, your grocery store, or even a comfortable pair of shoes, and sit for 5 minutes with your only intention being to appreciate that one thing…and get ready to be surprised at what this will open up for you! (and feel free to share your experiences over the weekend with us)

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Wonderful you

Luke and one of his toys

When we first got Luke, we were warned that German Shepherds were territorial around their homes, the cars that they routinely rode in, and their food. Luke never lived up (or should I say down) to any of those labels. Labels are dangerous things. They don’t have to be at all true for our subconscious minds to accept them (especially when we are very young) and then we tend to live them out. I’ve met brilliant people who believed that they were only marginally intelligent, thin women who believed that they were fat, responsible people who believed they were untrustworthy….and the examples could go on and on. We’ve all met “them”: people who believed lies about who they really were, and so were destined to live out these smaller existences, constrained only by a false idea.

We are all here to spiritually wake up to the wondrous, magnificent beings that we really are…To make friends with our true Self.  Here is a big assignment for the weekend. Think of one “label” that you have accepted as true about yourself and question it. A wonderful prayer is: “I wonder what my life would feel like, if I was willing to let go of the idea that I am (fill in the blank with the negative label)” You don’t have to dig through your past and find the root of the negative image. You can simply start claiming the opposite, and just like the negative was accepted years ago, the new thought will also be (eventually!) accepted if you stay with it. It is time that we all made friends with ourselves.

“There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his true Self”. William James

The song “Friends” from Elton John is the link below:

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as we think of ourselves

Eleanor

A few years ago, I was starting a new venture in my life, and as I sat with a very close friend talking about it, feeling somewhat discouraged that it wasn’t right, she said, “It’s too small for you Mary.” She went on to tell me, what she thought some of my real talents and abilities were, and I listened to her. I didn’t brush off or dismiss her positive thoughts about me. So many of us have been conditioned to refuse “compliments”;  To see them as empty and valueless, to believe that we shouldn’t listen to them, and this is true about “empty praise”, but I think that the greater danger is in not taking another persons more expansive view of us, to heart.

I have had people say some very nice things about me and thought, “If they only knew me, or if they could see inside my head they wouldn’t think that.” which is really the internal chatter that goes on day and night telling us how sub-par we are, how inadequate. If someone says that I am kind, my mind will throw up examples galore of how I was impatient. There is a part of us that blocks these higher opinions of ourselves from “taking root”.

Our lives and our worlds change for the better when our conception of ourselves changes for the better, but if we won’t “let in” any new information; any new and better view of ourselves, we don’t change. The people in my life that have helped me the most are the ones who have had, and held, the highest and best thoughts about me.

How about making a decision to listen, and pause, and to really take in, the next compliment that you are given. Take a minute to consider it to be true.

“As A Man Thinketh,  FORWARD, by James Allen

THIS little volume (the result of meditation and experience) is not intended as an exhaustive treatise on the much-written-upon subject of the power of thought. It is suggestive rather than explanatory, its object being to stimulate men and women to the discovery and perception of the truth that—  “They themselves are makers of themselves”  by virtue of the thoughts, which they choose and encourage; that mind is the master-weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance, and that, as they may have hitherto woven in ignorance and pain they may now weave in enlightenment and happiness”.

(this entire little book is available on-line as a free download)

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Connection

A little help from our friends

I was just about to walk out the door on Saturday morning, for an overnight trip to Burlington, and decided to blow dry the ends of my hair (so it would flip up). This sounds pretty mundane…I mean, who cares if I took a few extra minutes to fiddle with my hair? But it wasn’t a usual thing for me.  I was ready to leave the house; overnight bag packed, car warmed up and running, and suddenly I thought that I needed just a bit of curl? I cannot tell you how unusual this is. I am a pretty focused person when I’m going somewhere. If I say I’m going to leave the house at 10:00 a.m., 99% of the time I follow through.

But the feeling was strong, so I decided to do it. As I picked up the blow dryer, I saw a little mouse clinging to the cord (who then, suddenly jumped to the back of the sink!). Jack was still home so I yelled for him to bring the “mouse catcher” (he knew that I meant the cheese-keeper) and within a minute we had her/him under the glass and ready to be set free outside. I guess that many people would think that this was just a random coincidence: me suddenly needing to style, and a little mouse hanging onto a blow dryer cord for dear life (If I had gone away for 24 hrs, it is a pretty safe bet that the little guy would not have made it out alive with our 6 cats all inside for the day too)…but I know better. I know that beneath the level of our reasoning conscious mind, beneath the “pros and cons” way of thinking, the figuring out, the compartmentalization of life, and everything in it, that we are all here in a vast, mysterious, loving sea of connection; each tiny, seemingly insignificant piece, moving and affecting all others.

This song “Friends” from Elton John just came to mind when I was writing so the link to it is below. Have a wonder-filled day friends!

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only happy in pairs?

There is a great scene in the movie Enchanted April where, after everyone has had an awakening, the elderly woman, Mrs. Fisher (played by Joan Plowright) says to Lottie and her husband, “Everyone has paired off. It seems like the world can only be happy in pairs.” Lottie then gives her a kiss on the cheek and says, “Then you and I will be a pair Mrs. Fisher.”  We all need to feel that we are loved, cared for, and special to someone; that when we walk into a room, someone’s eyes light up.

I was watching Oprah yesterday and she was talking about her epiphanies. One was when Toni Morrison basically asked, “What does your face look like when your child walks into the room and sees you? Are you always checking for what is out-of-place or do they see that you are delighted to see them?”

I have a friend, Tim Ide, who when I call (usually to talk to his wife Jenness) and say, “Hi Tim, this his is Mary” , he always says in this most cheerful voice, “Well hello!” I really love calling them, and I know that part of the reason is that he seems happy just to hear my voice.

So even though I can’t see you, I am sending you all a big smile, and hoping that you know how much I appreciate you being a part of my life through this blog!

Below is a wonderful National Geographic clip about an unlikely pair, an orangutan and a dog…

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Bringing light to the world

Jon, the creative chef!

Jack and I were talking with our friends yesterday morning and somehow the topic of Jon’s hat came up. I thought he was kidding (that he had a Mickey Mouse wizard’s hat) but realized that, not only did he own one, but he actually wore it at times. When we arrived for dinner last night Jon greeted us wearing it…I LOVED this….I love it when people show the funny sides of themselves;  parts that I was not aware of. Being willing to risk looking silly to make someone smile,  taking ourselves less seriously, lightening up to bring light to the world…what a gift this is to us all.

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dropping everything

 

Guess what we had for dinner?!

 

 

When I was a kid, dropping everything, to go play with a friend, was a top priority.  The older I’ve gotten and the more responsible, the less I have dropped things to go out and “play”,  and the fewer spontaneous invitations come into my life. Late Yesterday afternoon, in the middle of a writing project, and the start of making dinner, a friend called to say that she had just adopted a cat. I felt this surge of delight and wanted to see her…but she lives 5 miles away, I needed to finish my project and dinner….

I closed my computer, turned off the stove and jumped into my car. Off and on for the next hour, my friend and I alternated between lying down on her bedroom floor, talking to her new kitty  who was hiding behind a shoe box under the bed,  and drinking tea. It was so much fun! Sometimes I have to say no to invitations, but I suspect that most of the time, I have just gotten it into my mind that I need to stick to my schedule. One of my intentions for the second half of my life is to have more fun, be more silly, do things “just because” even if it doesn’t make sense ….life and Spirit are so much bigger than my schedule!

 

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. — Robert Benchley, humorist

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Realizing our dreams (and the winner of the contest!)

"Happiness is the Best Medicine" sculpture of Jack's that he sold last year...19th century mortar, 1920's wooden game balls mounted with 19th century iron bars.

A few months ago, the producer for a small theater production called Jack and asked him to be in his play. He was going to be cast as an old dead guy in the cemetery. He was flattered  (which I find hard to understand…if someone called me up and said that I had the perfect look for their dead old woman character, the last thing I would feel is flattered) but that is Jack for you. He rarely judges anyone …always thinks people are good and kind… has maintained a childlike innocence about life that is so appealing.

He told me he was going to take the part. Now, you must understand, Jack is in no way an actor. He was once asked to sit on the set of a small little production here in town and speak one line;, “Boy, this looks like a good sandwich.” He stressed about this for weeks….kept practicing it over and over , even said it in his sleep…and it never sounded “natural”.

So when he said he was going to take this part, I asked him why? (knowing that it would take all of his creative energy and focus until the play was over). He said he thought it might be interesting. I dropped it but kept thinking it was not a good idea. He is just opening a gallery for his sculpture (he turned 60 this past year and this is a life-long dream) and I knew that the play would side track him. I finally just said, “Do you really feel that this is the right thing for you at this time?” He said he was feeling uneasy and hadn’t yet committed…he decided not to do it.

He went to the play the other night. In the morning he said, before I could ask, “I am SO glad that i did not take that part. I can see how much time and energy it would have taken. Thank you for pushing me to examine my motives.” We need all sorts of people in our lives…some are natural at being silent supporters, some push us to examine our motives and get clear…to focus,  some push us past our comfort zones and introduce new ideas, technology…

There are so many “temptations” on the road to realizing our dreams…they say, “Come this way, pay attention to me, ….” some we must answer, some just waste our time….no one can go inside of us and “feel” what is right…that is an inside job but people can help us.  Learning to listen to, and to trust, that little voice that always knows the right path…this is the work of life…

 

p.s. THANK YOU  to everyone who entered my contest…if you enjoyed it, let me know and I’ll do another soon. The winner is: Barb C. from West Bend , WI!!!

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Who am I trying to impress?

A few years ago, I met a friend in New York city. It was a big trip for me (almost 4 hrs by train) but I wanted to go to support her. I knew that she didn’t ever splurge on anything (especially herself) and so I also wanted the trip to be a treat for her. At the time, I wasn’t exactly prosperous,  but decided to charge most of it and take her out for a very nice dinner at an Italian restaurant that had gotten great reviews. I was a little uncomfortable …going out to a really nice dinner here in rural upstate NY never adds up to more than $50 a person. A $35 entrée would be very expensive.

The appetizers at this restaurant were in that range. The entrees more like $75 and up. I was swallowing hard but determined to push past my discomfort and really treat my friend. I was feeling like a really “big” person (a big shot was more like it but I couldn’t admit this at the time). That is until she said at the end of the meal, “This was so expensive and just think, we could have gotten just as good a meal at the Olive Garden (a chain restaurant) and it would have cost less than one of these appetizers!” What? Just as good a meal?

I felt completely deflated, a little stupid (I also was irritated with her for not appreciating my sacrifice) and was $200 more in debt without even impressing her!  If I had listened to that little voice of discomfort inside, we might have splurged for take out pizza instead.

It can be hard to look at ourselves honestly …to see what our real motives are….and ouch it can hurt when I see myself acting out of balance to impress someone. But you know, I learned something valuable. This is not the first time that I have done something like this…I hope it was the last but probably not. I am still, at 55, learning who I am…trying to be real, authentic, honest with myself and others. Sometimes I still fall down….but I keep trying.

I wanted to end this post with an Italian expression. Lest you think that I am trying to impress you with my Italian, I don’t speak Italian, but found this expression on-line and think it is perfect.

Chi non fa, non falla!

“he who does nothing makes no blunders”

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