The tempting moment

I took this photograph yesterday morning (inside my living room looking out). A reflection makes it look like there is a fire burning in the heart of the tree)

Jack and I have these little contests all of the time. For instance, If we hear a song on the radio, and we think that it was done by different artists, we place bets; whoever is wrong buys lunch the next time we go out (or some other small thing). We never remember these bets, never hold each other to the bargains, and yet we have kept this little right/wrong thing going. I don’t think that this is a huge deal, but lately, I’ve been making an attempt not to do it and even harder, if I find out something later on, that I was right about, unless it is important for Jack to know, I don’t say anything. I find this to be, in the moment, extremely challenging. There is an urge inside me; this voice that says, “You must tell him!” It is quite emphatic. I’ve also noticed that when I don’t indulge it, I forget it. Completely.

The other day, I let a friend borrow my car to take the New York State driver’s test. He’s been driving for years, but is from Germany and needed a U.S. driver’s license. As we rode to the testing spot he said, “The people at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles said that you can sit in the back seat for the test, but you cannot talk, or say a word, or give me any help.” I laughed and said, “That sounds like a test for me, not you!” I opted to wait at the testing site and say silent prayers (that I felt he needed since he turned into the testing place and forgot to put his blinker on as he pulled into the lot, and the examiner was standing right there….he did pass!).

I like the feeling that choosing my words and thoughts brings. If I am emotionally involved in a situation and I discipline myself to speak when I am ready, but not out of reaction to negative feelings that are welling up inside, the outcome is always better for everyone. Words are powerful. Thoughts and time are precious….they are mine to use however I choose, and they will ultimately create a magnificent life or a mediocre one.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”. Benjamin Franklin

P.S. The winner of the contest was Pam A.!

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Inventing new games. Playing “with” the Universe

Jack's school picture, 45 years ago

I came home Wednesday to find this photograph of Jack on my desk.  He was 16 at the time it was taken. I couldn’t stop looking at it. I’ve never seen him smile that way before…so relaxed, so happy looking, so fresh. He seems to be thinking, “Don’t worry about anything, life is really good!”

I didn’t know Jack in his teens, or twenties, or thirties or forties…I met him the year he turned 50. I was 45 at the time. We had both lived a lot; many struggles, many good things.  When people say to me that we are a “good couple” it always make me wonder what they see. We have a tendency to bicker …a lot. He thinks that it is “playful”. I think it’s just a bad habit. We both like things our own way, but have built a life that mostly works for us.We didn’t have children together, but he adores my sons. I never knew his parents, but my parents love him.
Lately we’ve been contemplating a big change in our lives; thinking about moving to the seacoast of Maine. The idea of moving has been around for a while. At one point, we looked at houses in Cambridge, but everything seemed wrong about that direction so we dropped the idea (or I should say, I dropped it…Jack never wanted to move into town). On my trip to New Castle, NH a month ago, the thought that we could live by the ocean sprung into my mind.  When I presented it to Jack, he said he liked the idea too, but I know him well enough to realize that I will have to be the one who keeps the idea alive for this to happen. Moving is fairly easy for me. My family moved at least 10 times before I was 13. Jack lived in the same house until he left for college.

Yesterday, I found myself talking to this picture of Jack about the move. I have never done this before. I’ve imagined having conversations with people; seeing them in my mind, as relaxed and receptive, and have  recommended this to friends and clients as a way to get positive energy moving in a difficult situation, but I have never talked to a photograph and felt such “openness”. Every idea I proposed to this 16-year-old version of Jack, he seemed to reply, “Great, love it!” What I really liked about doing this was it felt like a game. I heard a spiritual teacher once say that the more you play with life, the more it plays back and the easier it gets.

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