Time for Living

A face that I love….Fred

I’ve always had an odd tendency to think of myself as older than I am. If someone asks me my age,  I’ve noticed my response is, “I’ll be 57 this year”, or if it’s about my sons, I’ll give their ages as “Going to be….” This didn’t really bother me until the other day I said to Jack, “Now that I’m pushing 60…”

Well, I am currently 56, and while I have no problem with turning 60, it is more than 3 years away, and the thought that I am soon entering my 6th decade, makes me feel anxious about time…like I need to rush to accomplish something before my time runs out,…. and this is not a comforting thought.

So I’ve been affirming, over the past few days, “There is plenty of time. I do not need to make anything happen. Life is unfolding perfectly and I am a part of Life.” I was feeling very good (and unrushed) the other day as I petted Fred and noticed that he had a black whisker. I couldn’t believe it….such a small little thing, but one that I hadn’t seen before. I’ve looked at, kissed, and petted his head for 7 years without seeing the one black whisker.

This made me pause and think about what other things I might be missing by rushing (mentally and sometimes physically) to the next moment, the next project (before this one is barely started), the next house, town, stage of life…it doesn’t really matter what it is, if I’m not present, I’m missing out on my life which can never be anyplace but where I am right now. What little thing (that makes you smile) will you notice this weekend?

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished“. Lao Tzu

One of my favorite songs “Time for Living” by the Association is in the link below,

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Letting my heart lead the way, changing my mind

Noah investigating the, "Peacock with very interesting praying god (?) riding on its back" statue that I recently found at Goodwill

We  spent a wonderful Easter with Tom and Lindsay (my oldest son and his girlfriend) and her family. Tom moved back to the northeast a year ago, and this is the first time, in many years that we’ve lived within driving distance of each other.  On Sunday, it struck me that if Jack and I moved to the seacoast, we’d be 4, (instead of 2 1/2), hours away from them…. It was as if a curtain was drawn back and the options on the blackboard were:

You can live by the ocean and see it everyday, and visit Tom 4 or 5 times a year, or  You can live closer to him and go to the ocean 4 or 5 times a year.

The answer felt so obvious that I was a bit awe-struck. I was talking with my good friend Jon yesterday about out potential move, (and how we had changed direction and were now looking at Middlebury, VT instead of the seacoast) and he said, “That sounds right. Don’t ever move for a view, because after a while, you don’t even see it.” His words went right to my heart. Simple words spoken with such clarity.

I was 22 years old when Tom was born. I thought that I was an adult. As I look back over those years, I see how “un-present” I was, and I’ve done my best to accept the past, make amends where needed, and embrace the life that is now mine. But at 56, and with this opportunity to re-enter his life in this new way, and at this stage of my life; knowing more fully who I am (and having my priorities much clearer), my heart knows the right move.

“I reserve the right to change my mind.” Charles Fillmore (co-founder of Unity)

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