No more battles

Luke resting in the grass

A few days ago, I became  anxious that I hadn’t heard from someone (who I knew was going through I rough time). I’d called him, but he didn’t return my call (which was really unusual) so I waited for a day and called again, feeling very “concerned”. He answered the phone and was cold, distant and abrupt. Later that day I thought, “He was feeling my energy of fear (worry, anxiety, and concern are all just dressed up words for fear). I had been imagining him as unhappy and closed off so I took it upon myself to come to the rescue, and was rewarded with exactly what I deserved. Who wants to be looked at in this way?…not him, not me.

As soon as I realized what I’d done, I started imagining him as happy and feeling at peace. I saw the God in him. I let go of all anxiety or need for him to contact me. The next morning, he called and we had a wonderful talk.

“My friend, the battle you are trying to fight is not yours, but God’s. Be still. Let go. The battle is God’s, not yours, and because it is God’s battle through you, God desiring to manifest through you, victory was on your side before the battle began (in your consciousness, for that is the only place where there is any battle). Some who doubt will say, ‘Yes, but I must have money today’, or ‘I must have relief at once’ or ‘this salvation will come too late to be of use, and besides I do not see how!’  Stop right there, dear friend. You do not have to see how. This is not your business. Your business is to ‘stand still’ and proclaim, ‘It is done.” From the essay, Trusting and Resting, by H. Emilie Cady, published in 1903

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I surrender

Ben on the meditation cushions

Years ago, when I entered a 12-step program, I remember seeing a banner that read, “Let Go and Let God”. It was hanging on the wall behind the speaker, and I had no idea what it meant, but thought, “What a lame philosophy! How could anything get done if we don’t do it ourselves?” It took me a long time to understand this spiritual teaching. Being raised with the concept that God was something separate from me (a distant, critical, large “being” that was waiting to pounce on my every transgression from the good path, or someone who gave gifts and answered prayer if He felt like it) was not only disempowering, but it left me lonely and scared of living and life.

We are no less than temples of the Living God, which means that we can never be separated from the sea of infinite Good. If we need help, we don’t need to grovel and beg to some distant power.  There is no distant power. What many of us have been taught about God; that this force is Someone removed and different from us, was wrong. God; Universal Spirit, the Divine, The Field of Infinite Possibilities, is accessed through our own hearts. What we desire, what we need, is also a part of us. When we “surrender to God”, we are only giving up the idea that we are little, individual, lumps of flesh and blood, trying to figure this life out on our own.

“The day I surrendered myself for God, I transcended all anxiety, because trying to look after oneself is the only anxiety.” Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

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“I distinctly remember forgetting that.”

Fred has taken over Ben’s suitcase/bed

I went upstairs on Saturday afternoon and found Fred peacefully sleeping in what had been Ben’s bed. I’d noticed Ben downstairs on the couch, but that they had exchanged places (or more likely, Fred just took over Ben’s spot and Ben adjusted accordingly) didn’t occur to me until I was taking their pictures. I love the way that animals adjust to each other….and how we adjust to them.

On Friday morning, I decided to take a drive and as I opened my car door, the smell of cat urine hit me. I’d been leaving my car windows open and usually Esther (who doesn’t want to come inside at night) will end up in there. Well, Ben has been getting in there too, and I guess Esther thought she’d better claim the car as her own.

I was on my way to visit my friend Nancy at the Coop, told her about my car, and she handed me a bottle of Bac-Out that completely removed the smell. I’ll leave the car windows up from now on, but I’m not holding it against either of the cats. I took care of the problem and let it go.

But I wonder;  if a human had sprayed some very unpleasant smelling thing in my car, would I be so quick to forget it? Probably not….but I’d like to think that this is where I am heading spiritually: taking each next step into new life, and with each new step, letting go of any past hurts, problems, regrets, worry or anger. Moving with ease, like a dance, with all of the other beings (human and otherwise) that I am privileged to share this life-experience with.

Clara Barton (founder and president of the American Red Cross) who never bore any grudges, was once reminded by a friend of a wrong done to her some years earlier. “Don’t you remember?” asked her friend. “No,” replied Barton firmly, “I distinctly remember forgetting that.” Taken from September’s Sun Magazine and sent to me by Susan A.

Ben happily moved to the sofa for his nap

Carolyn was the winner of the Blue Moon give-away!

 

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Ask…. and let go

“Mama Bird” Hand-colored engraving by Karla Gudeon. Jack and I took a ride to the R. Michelson Gallery in Northampton MA on Wed. afternoon and we fell in love with this little picture, so now it’s home with us….it seems to say to me, “All is well, Let go, Relax and Trust!’
http://www.RMichelson.com

Just about 10 years ago, I was craving a trip to the ocean…the warm, light blue-green clear water felt like it was calling to me. The trouble was, it wasn’t calling to Jack. I tried to talk him into going, but he didn’t want to; said we couldn’t afford it, and wouldn’t talk about it. I  found this to be quite frustrating (to say the least), and I was beginning to resent him.

One day, in despair over my inability to get him to change his mind, (and in my mind he was the only way that I was getting to the ocean) I went out for a run. Half way through I had an epiphany, “I cannot do this anymore. I’m angry at Jack every time I think about this trip, and frustrated with myself for not being able to figure out a way to do it. If I am meant to go on a trip to the ocean then it will have to show up another way. I am letting it go.” And I meant it. I felt a weight lift and a sense of calm came over me.

As I walked into the house after my run, Jack said, “Bob called (my younger brother) and said he’d call you back this morning. I told him that you were running.”

Bob called about 15 minutes later and said, “Hey sis, I just had an idea. I am taking the kids to Sanibell Island for spring break and wanted to know if you would like to join us? There’s an extra bedroom in the condo and it is yours if you want it.”

It was as if I literally “let go” of the thought that Jack had to make this trip happen, and it was finally free to travel out from me and my “one way this has to happen idea”, and find a better path to turn my dream into a reality.

I realize that solutions don’t always come as swiftly as this one did, …but sometimes they do! If you would like a weekend assignment, how about taking one thing in your life that you’ve been wrestling with or trying to figure out,  and let it go, just for the weekend, …give yourself (and your idea) a little room to breath, to relax and refresh. When we turn inside, and change the only thing that really matters; our thoughts and our attitude, life will show up to meet us on that new ground too.

“He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts”.  Samuel Johnson

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Make a decison..then let it go

Fred in the cat pen

We knew that Fred had certain challenges when we adopted him, but were not aware that he didn’t have the ability to find his way home. After 2 very long absences, we realized that if we let him outside, chances were, he would get lost, so we constructed a “cat pen” for him. At first, I felt some guilt that his quality of life wasn’t as good as our other cats, who can come in and out as they please, but my quality of life was greatly diminished by the thought of him wandering around in the wilderness, so I had to make the decision to limit his range, for both his safety and my peace of mind.

Guilt and self-doubt are corrosive energies, and when I feel them, I look at the situation that I am feeling bad over, see if I can make a better decision now, and if not, I drop it. I did this with Fred.  Every time the thought that his life was not as great as our other cats, came up, I said to myself, “I am done with that thought. Fred has the perfect life for him.” Eventually my feelings lined up with this new thought.

After I have made a decision, I do what ever I need to (prayer, affirmations, meditation) to get it out of my conscious mind. If I don’t do this, I’ll start feeling like there is a ping-pong match inside my brain, until I end up with a whopping headache and feel incompetent to make a move lest it be the wrong one. Constantly second-guessing our decisions, and our lives, leaves us feeling unstable, fearful and insecure.  I have enough confidence in the Spirit of Life, that if a better way, than the one that I have chosen, (regarding any situation) is available, I will be shown.

“When once a decision is reached, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome.” William James

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