Sometimes when I can’t think of what to write about, I open up a favorite book to see if anything sparks a memory or idea. This morning was one of those mornings, and the book I opened (and the quote below) brought me back to a time when I was single and dating, before I’d gotten sober. I’d met a man in a bar and was instantly infatuated. I gave him my phone number and he told me he’d call the following Friday when he was back in town. I waited all week and when Friday evening came, just as I was expecting his call, a good friend stopped by for a drink.
I didn’t really want to visit with him but didn’t want to be rude either, so as I was making him a drink in the kitchen, the phone rang and to my horror, he yelled to me, “I’ll get it for you” and before I could yell back “No!” he sauntered into the kitchen saying, “Must have been a wrong number.”
I knew it wasn’t. I knew that my dream man, my perfect man, must have called and thought I was married or in a relationship. I was so mad at my friend that I could have pushed him right off the back stairs and shoved him into his car. How dare he pick up my phone and ruin my chances for future happiness? Of course I didn’t say this, but I wasn’t friendly either.
I don’t remember how I eventually heard this (I did live in a small town) but I was told that the man I’d so wanted to date (to be more honest, I’d already planned a life with him…a wonderful, happy, joy-filled, blissful life) was big trouble. I won’t get into details here, but suffice it to say, I was mightily relieved when I realized that I had just barely missed a date with disaster.
I was so anxious for love, happiness, and companionship that I was on a constant hungry search and was ready to leap at the first opportunity that looked good. And yet, even though I was pretty nutty at that time, had no sense of higher guidance or God or faith, I was still protected, still loved, still guided. Even when I didn’t recognize this Love at the time, and frankly didn’t want it, it was still there, and that time it showed up in the form of a friend who unknowingly intercepted trouble for me, received no thanks for this, and probably left wondering himself why he picked up the phone.
So many times in my life when I’ve felt helpless and blocked from taking action, a little more time (and a refusal to give up on my vision) revealed the path that was the right one, the step that lead to more Life, the idea that unfolded from good to better. We are surrounded by a sea of infinite good. Life is for us….if we choose to look at it that way, we will see (in time!).
Today just may be the day that the answer you’ve been waiting for will come, the person you’ve been longing to meet will literally bump into you, the opportunity you’ve felt was missing will present itself and you will know that all of the waiting has been perfect. Today is a day for radical trust, faith and enthusiasm.
“If it is not given me to know the course of time, then the best I can do for myself is to be attentive, to watch carefully what is happening, to feel out the direction, to sense what movement I can. It’s like trying to work my way along a wall in the dark: It doesn’t serve me to turn and rail against the wall. It may even have been placed there for my protection.” Hugh Prather, from Notes on Love and Courage