“I am…..”

This photo doesn't have much to do with today's post but I just loved it so much when I saw it, and read the words, "Why we don't have a coffee table!" (sent to me by Liz)

The words that we choose to describe our lives are more important than we could possibly imagine. “I am” statements have a particularly powerful energy to them. When I hear someone say, “I am pitiful, or I am hopeless, or I am never going to get better.” I always think, “I wish that you would stop saying that. You are perpetuating the very thing that  you don’t want!’

Words are literally calling into being our experiences of life and attracting to us the essence of what we are saying and feeling. So the biggest question that I get is, “Then how can I honestly talk about what is going on with my life, the things that I want to change and make better if I shouldn’t say that I am having a hard time with something? Isn’t that just denial?” It is true, that it won’t change anything to simply stop talking negatively about your life, if you are still thinking the same old thoughts. Words are thoughts first.

Putting things in past-tense statements as often as possible by saying, “Up until now, I have had a struggle with…..” or “I used to feel bad about………..” can be really helpful with this. This simple change of language, starts to change our belief about the situation, and when our beliefs change, our lives do too.

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him“. Buddha

Happy Bodhi Day to all (and Fran is the winner of the kitty blanket!)

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The tempting moment

I took this photograph yesterday morning (inside my living room looking out). A reflection makes it look like there is a fire burning in the heart of the tree)

Jack and I have these little contests all of the time. For instance, If we hear a song on the radio, and we think that it was done by different artists, we place bets; whoever is wrong buys lunch the next time we go out (or some other small thing). We never remember these bets, never hold each other to the bargains, and yet we have kept this little right/wrong thing going. I don’t think that this is a huge deal, but lately, I’ve been making an attempt not to do it and even harder, if I find out something later on, that I was right about, unless it is important for Jack to know, I don’t say anything. I find this to be, in the moment, extremely challenging. There is an urge inside me; this voice that says, “You must tell him!” It is quite emphatic. I’ve also noticed that when I don’t indulge it, I forget it. Completely.

The other day, I let a friend borrow my car to take the New York State driver’s test. He’s been driving for years, but is from Germany and needed a U.S. driver’s license. As we rode to the testing spot he said, “The people at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles said that you can sit in the back seat for the test, but you cannot talk, or say a word, or give me any help.” I laughed and said, “That sounds like a test for me, not you!” I opted to wait at the testing site and say silent prayers (that I felt he needed since he turned into the testing place and forgot to put his blinker on as he pulled into the lot, and the examiner was standing right there….he did pass!).

I like the feeling that choosing my words and thoughts brings. If I am emotionally involved in a situation and I discipline myself to speak when I am ready, but not out of reaction to negative feelings that are welling up inside, the outcome is always better for everyone. Words are powerful. Thoughts and time are precious….they are mine to use however I choose, and they will ultimately create a magnificent life or a mediocre one.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”. Benjamin Franklin

P.S. The winner of the contest was Pam A.!

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Choosing our way

My office

I hold an open meditation (for anyone who wants to come) on Wed. and Sunday mornings. My office is in a very old building…the ceiling leaks at times, the heat is unpredictable, the entire building shakes when the train goes by twice a day, the firehouse (which is a two buildings down) blows the noon whistle, which is so loud that if someone is talking with me, they have to pause because I cannot hear them…I love my office anyway….it is like a comfortable and comforting old sweater.

I always come in at least 1/2 hr before the meditation to turn up the heat, but yesterday, as I opened my office door, I was met with a very warm room. This happens sometimes…for no apparent reason and just as unpredictably it cools off. The meditation started at 9:30 and it still felt boiling hot …

When I have a fearful, anxious thought, I get a surge of heat running through me. There must be a biological reason for this…maybe it is part of the fight or flight thing…we get all heated up so we can escape?…anyway, I sat (silently, hands on lap, eyes closed in what appeared to be a very peaceful posture) and thought, “Everyone here must be really hot too. What should I do…this is terrible. Should I open a window? Go downstairs to the Coop and see if they can turn down the heat?”…I felt hotter. Then I thought, “Maybe it’s just me having a hot flash.” I felt even hotter and more agitated.

Suddenly it occurred to me that while I couldn’t change the heat in that moment, I could change my mind. I said to myself, “Just imagine it being 65 degrees. See if you can cool yourself off.” I tried… my mind raced back, “No! It is too hot in here. People are suffering! Do something!”…then back to, “it is 65 degree and I am cool”…within a few minutes, I started to cool down. By the end of the meditation, I was warm but comfortable and no one had fainted.  I felt calm and peaceful.

Our minds tend to blow things so far out of proportion…tell us that everything is a crisis that must be dealt with NOW!  I can corral those crazy thoughts that race around like wild little monkeys trying to get my attention. It is not always easy. …it is a discipline. But what a gift to start to grasp. It may be  impossible, in the moment, to change outside circumstances but my inner life, my attitude and my thoughts are always my responsibility…..and always mine to change. One of the great books is Viktor Frankl’s, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I used to carry it with me. He lived through the unthinkable but wrote these words;

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

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thank you mom

It dawned on me the other day that I was having more irritated feelings, when I thought about my mother, than loving ones. This is not new. My mother has had very firm ideas about what was right and wrong, and she never hesitated to express them!  Growing up, we butted heads…a lot. She has softened and become much more accepting of others, and life, in the last few years, especially since she turned 80. Part of me hasn’t caught up with this yet.

Many times, before we are going to get together, I find myself dreading it. My mind is pulling the limited view of mom up. Part of me knows that she has changed but somehow my mind doesn’t want to accept this?

I start to dread our meeting. Who will she criticize? Who will she complain about? I wish I hadn’t made the date. This happened the other day….again. I said to Jack, “I need to change this. No matter how difficult she has been (believe me she could be writing this story about me too!) she is also incredibly generous. She actually co-signed for the house we are living in.

Where was my gratitude? I felt somewhat ashamed of this. But i did something different. I didn’t call her,  I decided to work only in my mind for a few days.  I started walking around the house saying “thank you mom”…to myself,  over and over. When I opened the front door, I said, thank you mom, when I sat looking out the window, thank you mom. The more I said it, the more I began to feel it. We met for breakfast later that week as planned. I had a wonderful time. I called her when I got home and she said, “You know Mary, I drove home with all of these warm feelings. I felt so loved!” And I also felt loved and accepted and happier.

The power of focused thought, along with the feeling of gratitude …if we could only see these powerful spiritual tools, we would pick them up much more frequently I am sure.

I am imagining you reading this right now. Without you, this blog would not be. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Love,

Mary

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the power of thought

learning to love my feet!

When I was a kid, I had some problem with my toes…I can’t remember what it was, maybe athletes foot, but that is not the point. My mother must have talked to my grandmother about it because one day while she was visiting us, she said (in front of all of my siblings), to my mother, “Have Mary’s toes straightened out yet?”

A chorus of laughter broke out and I was suddenly christened with the name “crooked toes”. I hated that nick name (understandably so) but getting mad at my sisters and brother only fueled the fire.

Years flew by, I developed a great hate for my feet and in time, my toes actually started to get crooked! I used to hide my feet and got very uncomfortable when I saw someone looking at them (because i was sure they were thinking, “what ugly feet”).

One day, I was visiting my friends Jill and Jenn and one of them said, “You have really nice feet Mary.” I thought she was joking. I asked her why she thought that and she said that I had high arches and my feet were slender (or something along those lines). I was truly stunned. Apparently my bunions and crooked second toes did not look ugly to her. My hating my feet had actually made them ache too. I wondered if someday I might need surgery.

I changed after that day. I started using the affirmation, “I have beautiful feet that help me move through life well.” I also took this photo and put it up to give my feet some good attention.

Did my cruel (really only kidding here…I shutter to think of the names I called them!) siblings comments really hurt my feet? Well I know one thing, my thoughts about them did because my feet have not hurt me for many years and the only thing that I have changed is the way I think about them.

So, maybe it is time to bless our body parts…especially the ones we have hated and see how our bodies respond..I am sending the muffin top around my waist a little love letter right now! …don’t worry, you’ll never see a photo of that!

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