A new curiosity…what is right about me, you, it, them, Life?

Esther on her new chair yesterday afternoon…. the perfect spot for rainy day nap

The desire to psychoanalyze people; to figure out why they are the way that they are, why they do or say, or don’t do or say, certain things, is quite possibly one of the most destructive habits that I’ve engaged in….and it used to be one of my favorite things to do. I cannot even bear to think of the untold hours I’ve spent in this useless activity of the little mind.

And of all of the hours, days, and years that I spent in this frivolous mind-activity, very few were spent thinking, “I wonder why that person is so kind, happy, considerate, honest, helpful, generous, thoughtful, giving, non-defensive, open, lovely….!?”

No. Most of my psychoanalysis was trying to figure out why they were not the kind of person that I thought they “should” be.

I saw one day, that even though this way of thinking made my egoic mind happy for a little while (“We’ve figured that one out”! it would say, feeling so smart and smug) it wasn’t a lasting thing…since it wasn’t the Truth. It was just a little box that made my little, fear-filled, mind feel secure for a few minutes. If I imagined that someone didn’t treat me well, or didn’t act in a way that I found acceptable, then I could separate them from myself by putting them in a little box, labeled, “Messed Up”, and if I couldn’t figure out what was specifically wrong with them (in that moment) then the generic label was fine…. I’d come back to them later, possibly at 2 a.m. when I couldn’t sleep and was feeling desperate and needed to search for the cause of my misery.

This approach to life never leads to more happiness. Looking for what is wrong with others only leads to seeing more of what is wrong with them, and with ourselves….then we think we need to find new people who won’t hurt, offend, or take advantage, of us. We think we’ll be happy when we find “them”….but we never find them, since we are searching for their opposites.

I can’t say that I have turned this old habit of mine (habit of mind!) completely around, but I’m much quicker at catching it and saying, “I don’t go there anymore”, to my mind when it wants to dissect someone’s life or some situation that I’m unhappy about. It is my intention to get so good, at never looking for the bad, that I will someday be amazed that I ever did it….and I love this thought.

“The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people“.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Listening to ourselves

Noah and Fred on the radiator

From what I have observed in life, it’s the people who are (in that moment) most unhappy, that give the most advice to others….I see this pattern in myself also. Unhappy, frustrated people are chock-full of opinions and ideas about how others should live, change, and grow. I know a woman who buys boxes of self-help books and gives them to anyone and everyone in her life that she thinks could benefit from a little change of attitude, a new perspective, a more positive mind.

I know that she means well. She sees unhappiness, struggle, and frustration all around and so much wants to help. The thing that she doesn’t know is that all of these feelings are within her. She’s seeing/feeling on the outside, what is happening within her very own being.

She doesn’t yet know that when we change, our world (and everyone in it) changes too, and instead of frantically giving away books and advice in an attempt to make others be different than they are, she could drop down to the level of her own heart, make those inner changes, and become that change….then the ones that she so earnestly pursues, in an attempt to help them, would make their way to her door, unbidden.

It might be an interesting exercise this weekend to see how many times we want to give advice to someone (even in our minds) and notice how we are feeling in that moment, listen to what we are about to say (or suggest), and see if it applies to us.

“A low self-love in the parent desires that his child should repeat his character and fortune…I suffer whenever I see that common sight of a parent or senior imposing his opinions, and way of thinking and being, on a young soul to which they are totally unfit. Cannot we let people be themselves, and enjoy life in their own way? You are trying to make another you. One’s enough.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Easy…does it!

The angel wings have found a home on our tree

The other day, I decided to switch back to my old style of running shoe. The minimalist shoes were just too cold for winter running. It’s been almost 2 years since I made the change, and I couldn’t even remember what brand of shoe I wore (but I used to save my last pair so I asked Jack if he had seen them, and he said that we had thrown them all away).

The next day, I was shopping at my favorite thrift store and picked up a pair of slippers that I thought someone might like. As I was checking out, the woman behind the desk said, “Shoes are, buy one pair get one free ($2 total cost). Why don’t you see if you can find another pair?” I had already looked at the shoes, but figured I may as well look for another gift-pair, and as I scanned them again, there sat an almost brand new pair of Asics Gel Nimbus in my size….that I had over-looked earlier.

What I really believe is that the Universe is throwing Itself at our feet saying, “Here you go, take this wonderful thing, idea, relationship, or opportunity” and we often (and unconsciously) say back to it, “No thank you. I haven’t worked hard enough for that. I haven’t earned it. I’m not one of the lucky ones. I don’t deserve it. There are people who need it more than I do.” So even though the whole world is ours, we settle for what we think is “fair”, our portion, logical or reasonable, which generally amounts to what we have gotten, achieved or received in the past.

But we can change our thinking and “claim” a different, easier, more harmonious life. One thing that I say on a regular basis is: “Everything that I need is provided. I always find the best stuff, and Life is so easy for me. I have so much to give!”

“Man surrounds himself with the true image of himself. Every spirit builds itself a house and beyond its house a world, and beyond its world a heaven. Know then that the world exists for you. What we are, that only can we see. All that Adam had, all that Caesar could, you have and can do. Adam called his house, heaven, and earth. Caesar called his house, Rome; you perhaps call yours a cobbler’s trade; a hundred acres of land, or a scholar’s garret. Yet line for line, and point for point, your dominion is as great as theirs, though without fine name. Build therefore your own world. As fast as you conform your life to the pure idea in your mind, that will unfold its great proportion.” Emerson (quote taken from the book, The Power of Awareness by Neville Goddard, page 102)

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Enduring Love

a friendly being

I went into the bathroom yesterday and saw this spider resting on the roll of toilet paper. I’ve seen him/her in the bathroom for a couple of weeks but this was a new place and so it surprised me. I’ve been reading a biography of Emerson and the author said of Emerson’s mother, “She expected her children to be kind ‘to all animals and insects.”* This also surprised me considering that she was born in 1768.

I know so many kind people who go out of their way to capture and set free insects of all kinds, and yet are troubled by the thought that they aren’t doing anything to make the world a better place, or that their contribution is minimal. How can we measure the importance of a life? What makes us think that lovingly rescuing a spider or a bee isn’t a high spiritual activity, vitally important to the good of us all?

And who gives food to every creature. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:25

*pp. 21 Emerson, The Mind on Fire by Robert D. Richardson Jr.

 

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I really appreciate……

Fred snuggling up with Emerson*

My birthday is at the end September and so I’ve been thinking about what I want to do. The weeks before Jack’s birthday, I’m also in planning mode. I love planning special days and trips, and this process makes the build-up to the day seem like a celebration too. Not so for Jack. The thought of being responsible for planning and executing a special occasion is a daunting task for him. It isn’t fun.

For years, I felt slighted by this. I took it personally and thought, “I go to all of this work for your birthday, (or Christmas, Valentine’s Day or whatever) and  it seem like it’s a chore when you need to think about something for me. I failed to consider that often, when he did make plans, I didn’t like them and changed them anyway, (but feeling slighted never needs a logical reason to exist, so I felt quite justified in my displeasure with him).

Last week we had a serious talk about our  mutual lack of appreciation (for the part of each other that wasn’t like us). I wanted him to be more like me (while doing everything else) and he had the same feeling about me. We decided that over the next month, we would concentrate on what we appreciated about each other, and that we would not only silently acknowledge this, we’d say it too.

Jack is great at taking care of the  “infrastructure” of our home: mortgage, taxes, fuel, lights, garbage, lawn…he takes care of all of this, month in and month out. It isn’t the glitzy, exciting, new or fun things that he plans, but without his part, the glitz wouldn’t be happening either. It is the stuff that goes mostly unnoticed but as I tried to notice, and to tell him that I noticed and appreciated what he was doing, the atmosphere of our home got lighter. We’ve gone from saying, “I really appreciate……” a couple of times a week, to many times a day. He told me last night, as he walked in the door that he appreciated my friendly greeting. We’ve made a game of it.

So last week when he said to me, “I need to start thinking about your birthday” I said,

“No you don’t. That’s my job.” and we both laughed…. And I began planning. First we’re going to Ralph Waldo Emerson’s home in Concord Mass and then on to the Natural Living Expo (in Sturbridge) for the night, and I can’t tell you how excited I am. I love these plans, and so does Jack.

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”. Voltaire

Why not make this weekend an “Appreciation Fest” by trying to notice what is right, with everyone and everything you think about (including yourself) and if you’d like to, write these things here on the blog (as often as you’d like).

If you are reading this, I really appreciate you being a part of my life. Without you, this blog would not be what it is.  Love to you!, Mary

* The title of this book is, Emerson: The Mind on Fire, by Robert D. Richardson Jr. (and it is a really wonderful read, if you want to know more about the development of this great man’s life)

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these holy hands

Photograph taken by Jack’s friend Mark Cronin*.

Sometimes the language used to speak about the Divine, is antiquated and can get in the way of the deeper spiritual concept, but most writers of the 18th and 19th centuries, spoke of God in masculine terms. I have had to make peace with this and look beyond the limited use of language so I could have access to their wisdom, and this wasn’t easy for me.

In my thirties, I was a part of a spiritual group that read from certain texts at the beginning of every meeting. Since this material was written in the 30′s, there was no gender-neutral language, and so all references to God were in the masculine form. This drove me crazy and I took offense at it, so when it was my turn to read, I “corrected” every passage. It was a lot of work. Years later, a friend told me that it used to make her really nervous when I read. I’m not so sure it was my words, but probably more the judgement and anger behind them that she felt. I wanted a politically correct world so I could be comfortable in it damn it!

Thank God that I have evolved and grown. I love work of these early writers like Emerson, Emmet Fox, Emilie Cady, Thomas Troward, and others and have come to gratefully accept it in the form that it was given …by the hands and minds that wrote of concepts and thoughts that were beyond language, beyond duality of male/female, material/spiritual, good/bad and saw to the heart of Life.

“There is but one hand in the universe. It is God’s hand. Whenever you have felt that your hand was empty, it has been because you have believed yourself separate from God.  Your hand is God’s hand. My hand is God’s hand. Our Father reaches out though these, His only hands, to give His gifts. We have nothing to do with the supply. Our part is to pass out the good…” From, How I Used Truth, by H. Emilie Cady (1848-1941)

Over the weekend, I intend to spend some time looking at my own hands as Divine vehicles for passing out Love. I hope that you join me. I am imagining all sorts of hands (paws and claws included!) in a huge unbroken circle of Good.

 *   www.action-craft.com

 

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Friendship, and a Blue Moon Giveaway!

1961 summer trip to “Magic Land” (I think that was the name of the place) with my cousins. I’m 4th from the right. the only ones who look like they are having fun are the 2 little guys (my brother on the far left and my cousin Matt running in front!) To this day, these are the guys you want to have at any gathering!

Years ago, I was very good friends with a woman (who I really liked a lot) but she wasn’t the first person I’d call when something wonderful happened for me. She struggled with life and so other people’s victories or happiness felt unfair, or even like an unkind barb to her. As much as I liked her, it wasn’t any fun at all to share my joy with her, so often times, I would either down-play what happened, or not tell her. I learned a lot about what I wanted to be from that friendship and set one of the intentions for my life: ”I want to be the kind of person who people love to tell good news to, and I want to be fun to be around.” These sound like such small things, but they are  two of the qualities that I cherish in people as well.

Thinking about what we value in friendships (or relationships in general) is a great way to look and question ourselves to see if we are giving what we would like to receive. And if we find that we come up a little short in this area, it can become a new point of focus, to grow into the people we want to be.

A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends. Ralph Waldo Emerson

BLUE MOON GIVE-AWAY!!

Today is a blue moon, and so I am going to give away 2 skin balms to one person! To enter this giveaway, just comment with one quality you love in your friends (or feel free to tell a story about friendship). I will pick a random winner on Monday Sept. 3rd (Labor day)

2 tins of the skin balm I make , website, http://www.marysskinsurvivalbalm.com

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no more chalk eggs

Fred looking up at me as I sat at my desk last evening

A couple of months ago, I was invited to a gathering of some old friends. This involved a fair amount of travel on my end, but  I was still excited to go. One of the women, whom I had always felt a little uncomfortable around, was co-hosting the party, and little by little, I found myself focusing more on her, and less on the others, so as the event got closer, I began feeling apprehension about it. I was trying to imagine what conversation I could have with her so I could appear to be friendly (all the while thinking “I’ll just keep my distance”).

If I’m trying to keep my distance, from anything or anyone, then I’m not clear about myself. Either I need to change my thought or my plan because otherwise, I’m entering the situation with a mixed vibration.

When I realized this, I started to consciously turn it around, imagining seeing her and giving her a big hug.  I tried to feel the happiness from both of us, on being together again for the first time in years. Driving there, I had a happy expectation and was actually looking forward to seeing her. When I arrived and was saying hi to everyone, before I could ask where she was, someone said that she had not been able to make it.

This is one spiritual lesson that I have learned. If I am dreading something, and I don’t change my energy, I will line up with something “dreadful”. It takes a fair amount of work to really change feelings. I can easily see myself hugging someone, but if my feelings about it are not matching the action, then I’ll get a response that shows me my true belief.

There is just no way to fool the Law of Attraction. Like energy attracts like, but if I really change my feelings from dread, fear or worry to a more loving, open, happy and relaxed, attitude, then if the person that I have been thinking about is not in a good place, we will not line up and one of us won’t be there.

 ”When people come to see us, we foolishly prattle, lest we be inhospitable. But things said for conversation are chalk eggs. Don’t say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary”. Ralph Waldo Emerson (from “Social Aims”)

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Emphatic trifles

I really needed these!*

I’ve carved out time, over the next month and a half to finish up something that I’ve been working on, and have given myself the deadline of September 1st. Even though I’m ahead of schedule, I feel like I need to pull up a new level of focus and commitment, because the closer I get, the more I seem to find other things that need my immediate attention.

Like the other day, I was all set to work for 3 hrs; had my tea, fed the cats, went to the bathroom, turned off my phone, and then I picked up an old issue of O magazine and was going to put it on the shelf, but just glanced at it, noticed this set of knives and thought, “I’ve never had sharp knives. I need to check these out now.” After quite a search, and reading a lot of reviews on Amazon, I decided I should buy them….now, of course. If the internet had been around when Emerson was writing, I’m sure he would have added, “surfing the net”,  to his list of “emphatic trifles”.

“At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles. Friend, client, child, sickness, fear, want, charity, all knock at once at thy closet door and say, “Come out unto us.”….. The power men possess to annoy me I give them by a weak curiosity. No man can come near me but through my act.” From the essay, “Self-reliance”, Ralph Waldo Emerson

* the knives arrived a few days later, and even though this isn’t at all the point of this post, I do like them a lot. They’re  called, Pure Komachi 2, (and they really are sharp, which Jack can attest to since he’s already cut himself)

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Time to go…. within

Jack holding our Buddha statue in front of the rose-bush (in our living room!)

I wasn’t raised with the idea that the Spirit of God was within me, was the animating Spirit of me, and so as a little girl, when I prayed, I imagined that God was something other than me; something distant, remote, unknowable and ultimately impossible to please. This logically led to prayers that were more like groveling, pleas for help, hopeful wishing, and sometimes despair, anger and frustration. I finally abandoned this conception of God altogether in my 20′s and declared myself an atheist which frankly seemed like a step up (at the time) in the living of a happy life.

I had a spiritual awakening when I was 30, and this was the beginning of a conscious quest to find the The God of connection, peace, harmony, acceptance, beauty, wisdom: The God of Love. The thing that I feared, rejected, and finally found, was never lost, but it was in the last place that I looked: within myself….within each beating heart.

Even today, I sometimes catch myself praying as if I need to convince someone else that I am worthy. And if I pay attention to the tone of this kind of  prayer, I can feel that it is not a recognition of the Spirit within, but  is coming from a fearful, desperate place of “small human trying to get Big God to act on my behalf”. When I do slip into this way of thinking, I now recognize that I’ve simply (temporarily) fallen asleep spiritually…I’ve forgotten that God/Spirit/Universal Life Force is as close as my breath, my heartbeat, my thought, and it’s time to go within.

“As soon as man is (consciously) at one with God, he will not beg.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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