Leaving our mark on the world

Noah napping

A few weeks ago, I went on a trip with my brother to Florida. On our drive back home, we stopped at a Wendy’s in North Carolina. The woman who took our order was in her 40′s or 50′s…I couldn’t really tell, but she had a light within her that felt like a warm hug. It was so comforting to be in her presence for those few minutes as she asked what we wanted and took our money. The restaurant was busy, but she didn’t seem rushed.

She looked into my eyes when she spoke…and she smiled. It was obvious that she wasn’t wrapped up in her own mind, or lamenting that at her age, she should be somewhere other than working at Wendy’s. She wasn’t complaining about her lot, or her life, or the state of the world.

She was present. And maybe I noticed it because it seems to be a quality that is uncommon; being happy where we are, touching those around us with our light. Not striving to be important or noticed or acknowledged for “our work”. She showed me, in a brief moment what presence was, and she left an impression on me that felt like Love.

When I ask myself the question, “What should I do with my life!?”, as if living and loving and being kind isn’t really enough, then that question becomes a tyrant to me, prodding me, throwing examples before my eyes of all of the successful ones who have “made it” and who have done something big and have left their mark on the world in a big way (always as opposed to me). I don’t think that we can strive to find meaning in life. I think that striving and struggling make us tired and self-concerned.

I think it’s better to smile at ourselves in the mirror and to take that smile with us and share it with the world.

“For better or for worse, I’ve watched people die in front of me. I see how they are in the end. And they’re not cynical. In the end, they wanna hold somebody’s hand. And that’s real to me.” Mitch Albom

 

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Success

Donna modeling one of the coats from Above and Beyond Boutique, 75 East Main St, Cambridge, NY 518-260-3757

A new consignment shop opened up in Cambridge and as I drove past last week, what caught my eye was a velvet jacket blowing in the breeze so I stopped in to see what the shop was like. As I opened the door, I was greeted by a lovely woman, Donna, who welcomed me and told me that the shop “emphasized plus sizes” As she showed me around, I was impressed by not only the really nice clothes, scarves, and jewelry but by the owner’s attitude. She said that it was her intention to make everyone feel welcome, and that feeling was certainly there. I know that I will be back…it is so nice to be welcomed, anyplace, with a smile!

“A good disposition, a smile, often opens the secret door; the Chinese say, ‘A man without a smiling face, must not open a shop.’ The success of a smile was brought out in a French moving-picture in which Chevalier took the lead, the picture was called, ‘With a Smile.’ One of the characters had become poor, dreary and almost a derelict; He said to Chevalier ‘What good has my honesty done me?’ Chevalier replied, ‘Even honesty won’t help you, without a smile:’ so the man changes on the spot, cheers up, and becomes very successful”. From The Secret Door to Success by Florence Shovel Shinn (published in 1941)

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Missed the boat?

Noah: the Zen kitty

A friend sent me a slide show last night of 50 photographs (the link is below). The images that I loved the most, were the ones that were not posed or trying to be dramatic; they just were. For a large part of my life, I have had the feeling that I should be something different than I was. When I was younger, I thought I wasn’t old enough to be respected and successful, and then I seemed to cross some line and started thinking that I was too old; that I had somehow missed the boat.

The idea that we are perfect just as we are, right now, and that our lives have been perfect, is something that I have recently started considering. What if everything has been right? What if there were no mistakes? What would my life feel like if I stopped blaming anyone (even myself…especially myself) for not being good enough (smart enough, ambitious enough, thin enough, wise enough, relaxed enough, focused enough, vigilant enough, disciplined enough….), and just said, “From now on, I am going to look for the perfection of life; in myself, in everyone and everything around me.”

You are not too late. You are not too early. You are right on time to live your perfect life now!

Click this link to look at some gorgeous photography that was sent to me (I don’t know who the photographers are but if you do, please let me know) foto12

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Being happy for others; Celebrating our interdependence!

I read a story, years ago, about a group of tenant farmers waiting for housing. They were living in squalor and occasionally, someone would be rewarded for their hard work and be moved to a better home. Most people were miserable. There was one man who was different. Every time he heard the news that someone was going to be moved up, he was the first person to enthusiastically offer them help in their move. The author of the story said that he knew that this man would someday get better housing himself, which he did.

Being happy when someone else gets what I want is a big spiritual step. There is something powerful at work when we do this. Celebrating the success of another, opens doors for us in ways that we literally cannot imagine. I want to cite you many examples from my personal life where this has happened, but cannot, because I didn’t really know about this powerful tool (ok, that might be a tiny cop-out) or practice it much (more truthful!) until a couple of years ago. The times that I have had the presence of mind to do it (not just give it lip-service but really work on feeling gratitude for the good fortune of another that I myself have been waiting for) have been life-changing.

There is one thing that I can say without hesitation. If someone suddenly gets the very thing that I desire, that thing is close to happening for me too. My attitude will determine which way it turns; toward me or away. When I feel bad that I don’t yet have what I want/need/desire, I am actually repelling it energetically. When I can share in the feeling of happiness and celebration for others, I “own” a tiny piece of their success too, and that sets up something almost like an internal magnet for a similar experience to come to me.

Below is a great story from a collection of writings by Emmet Fox who lived from 1886-1951.

CUT MY OWN THROAT!

“A man came to see me in London in great distress. He had attended some lectures I gave, and wanted advice. He was the owner of a general grocery store in a village in the south of England, and hitherto there had been no competition. Now, one of the big chain stores was opening a branch almost opposite to him in the main street, and he was in a panic.

He said, “How can I compete with them? I am ruined.” I said, “You know the Great Law. You know where your supply comes from. Why be afraid?” He said, “I must do something.”

I said, “Stand in your shop each morning and bless it, by claiming that divine Power works through it for great prosperity and peace for all concerned.” He nodded his head in agreement. I added, “Then look down the street to where they are fitting up the new store, and bless that in the same way.”

“What? Cut my own throat?” he almost screamed.

I explained that what blesses one, blesses all. I told him that he was really hating his competitor (through fear) and that his hatred would destroy him, while blessing the “enemy” was the way to get rid of hate. I finished by saying, “You cannot cut your throat with prayer; you can only improve everything.”

It took some time to persuade him, but at last he got the idea, and when I met him several years later he told me that his business had been better than ever since the chain store appeared; and that it seemed to be getting on well too. This is what Jesus meant when he said, Love your enemies (Luke 6:27).”

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My beautiful mother

My mother (far left) with her brothers, sisters and parents 55 years ago

My mother told me yesterday that right before my grandfather died, she entered his hospital room and he said to the nurse at his bedside, “This is my beautiful daughter.”  She smiled as she told me this and said, “I never told anyone this story before. It was the only time that my father ever said anything like that, so I guess that is why I remembered it.”

My grandparents were of the generation that did not compliment. They felt it would “go to your head” and make you haughty if you thought that you were OK. Life was a huge struggle for them. They believed that being hard, and pointing out all of the mistakes that their children were making, would prepare them for the harsh realities of the world….and it did. It prepared them to expect the world to be hard and harsh, to not believe in themselves, to expect life to be a constant struggle.

I see my mother trying so hard to drop these beliefs now. As I look at this photograph of her, I want to go back through time and hug her. Tell her how beautiful and capable and wonderful she is.

We’ve all heard that we have to learn from our mistakes, but I think it’s more important to learn from successes. If you learn only from your mistakes, you are inclined to learn only errors.  Norman Vincent Peale

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