Me holding"Wonder" Saturday night...a miracle that I never could have figured out. He went from being a feral kitten, who would not let me touch him, to being a such a loving little guy.(Patty, his "owner" was trying out a new app on her IPhone that takes old-fashioned looking photographs....
Jack and I are leaving for Maine this morning. I have taken a lot of virtual tours of homes in Maine over the past month, and now we are going to do drive-bys of the actual houses. We know what we want in a home; age, size, location, neighborhood, yard. We just have no idea at all, how we can do it. I mean none.
So many big ideas, plans and dreams are stopped by the question, “How are you going to do that?” It is just a part of the way we seem to be made, or maybe its conditioning…it doesn’t really matter where it comes from, there is a part of our mind (some call it the left brain) that needs to figure everything out and will not shut up until it does. This happened to me Saturday night.
A little 2 am visitor woke me up with the words, “How do you think you will be able to swing this move? What you want is impossible.” I suddenly got very hot and threw my covers off. For a couple of minutes, I lay there with a sinking feeling and the thought, “You are not going to do this and then everyone will know that you failed.”Ouch! that is a big one. I am not worried about being talked out of my dreams by others, as a matter of fact, I can see and feel that people have more confidence in me than I do in myself sometimes. At breakfast Sunday morning, I told my father that Jack and I were going to Maine for a little vacation and he said, “You are going to end up moving there. How are we going to meet for breakfast next year?” It was one of the few times when his self-concern made me feel better!
It is my own doubts, and the nagging need to figure out how I can make it happen, that I am most concerned with. It is the boogeyman who lives right between my ears that gives me the most grief, and always waits for the time when I am tired, hungry,or not centered to start with the questions, comments, little seeds of doubt. If it cannot figure out a way for the thing to happen, it starts throwing around all of the reasons why it won’t work, couldn’t work, is dangerous, risky, foolish, has no precedent. It says that my idea is impossible, and its’ “proof” is that I cannot tell it how I will make this dream come true.
But a part of me also thinks that it will happen, and I look forward to telling the story. I would like to collect an entire book of “impossible dreams” that came true. I could fill a good section with my own life. I just forget this, at times, when I am stretching for something beyond my known experience. It is good to come back to “my part” in making my dream come true which is to first of all, know what I want, imagine it, and then let go (something that I need to keep doing over and over) and trust that each step will be revealed as long as I am looking for the signs.
“The “hows” are the domain of the Universe. It always knows the shortest, quickest, fastest, most harmonious way between you and your dream“. Mike Dooley
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