It dawned on me the other day that I was having more irritated feelings, when I thought about my mother, than loving ones. This is not new. My mother has had very firm ideas about what was right and wrong, and she never hesitated to express them! Growing up, we butted heads…a lot. She has softened and become much more accepting of others, and life, in the last few years, especially since she turned 80. Part of me hasn’t caught up with this yet.
Many times, before we are going to get together, I find myself dreading it. My mind is pulling the limited view of mom up. Part of me knows that she has changed but somehow my mind doesn’t want to accept this?
I start to dread our meeting. Who will she criticize? Who will she complain about? I wish I hadn’t made the date. This happened the other day….again. I said to Jack, “I need to change this. No matter how difficult she has been (believe me she could be writing this story about me too!) she is also incredibly generous. She actually co-signed for the house we are living in.
Where was my gratitude? I felt somewhat ashamed of this. But i did something different. I didn’t call her, I decided to work only in my mind for a few days. I started walking around the house saying “thank you mom”…to myself, over and over. When I opened the front door, I said, thank you mom, when I sat looking out the window, thank you mom. The more I said it, the more I began to feel it. We met for breakfast later that week as planned. I had a wonderful time. I called her when I got home and she said, “You know Mary, I drove home with all of these warm feelings. I felt so loved!” And I also felt loved and accepted and happier.
The power of focused thought, along with the feeling of gratitude …if we could only see these powerful spiritual tools, we would pick them up much more frequently I am sure.
I am imagining you reading this right now. Without you, this blog would not be. Thank you, thank you, thank you!