Perfect solutions

Someone sent me this little crystal a while back and as I picked it up this morning, it looked like the Matterhorn. One of the fun things that I remember from my early childhood was my father telling stories. He was a great story-teller and made me feel like any adventure was possible. I didn’t know about alcoholism when I was little…didn’t filter his stories through skepticism and doubt like I would learn to later, so I just loved them (and him) for what they were.  A place that he used to talk about, that always carried this wild sense of adventure, was the Matterhorn in Switzerland. I can’t remember if he said he visited there, or climbed it, but in my mind, it was the most exciting mountain on earth.

As an adult, I finally got to visit this mountain with my ex-husband. It took us hours by train but we finally arrived in the small town of Zermatt. The mountain was completely fogged in (which I found out was very common). I was so disappointed but a local man said, that sometimes in the morning, it clears for a couple of hours, and he suggested that we stay overnight. My ex said no. He and I had very different ideas of travel and spending money.

I did not want to get into a fight, didn’t want our vacation to be tainted, but I really wanted to see this mountain and he was not budging. A “radical” idea came to me. I knew that it was from the Divine and I remember this expansive feeling. I said to him, “I understand that you are not going to stay here and spend the money when we already have paid for a place, and I can’t make you do that. But I have waited 30 years to see this mountain and I am going to stay overnight, on the chance that I will see it in the morning, and I’ll take the train back tomorrow.” I’ll never forget the look that he gave me. We were both surprised…and he stayed ….and in the morning the fog had lifted and we saw the summit.

I don’t believe that compromise, in the traditional sense of the word, is necessary; one person getting their way, while the other suffers or goes along grudgingly or gives up their ideals. We live in a Universe where everything is connected. A choice that is right for me cannot be harmful/wrong for someone else, and vice versa. There always is a perfect solution but often times we have to make an internal adjustment to see it. Sometimes I am the one who sees clearly and sometimes it’s someone else, and I have to change my rigid idea of what is right or wrong.

Often, what seems an impossible climb is just a staircase without the steps drawn in.  ~Robert Brault

13 thoughts on “Perfect solutions”

  1. Wish I’d had access to your clear view 20 years ago. However, I CAN use it going forward. This is one of your blogs that will become a permanent part of my ‘living-in-the-moment.’ Another good touchstone to help me walk my talk. Thanks again, Mary!

    1. I wish that I had had it too! I think this particular time sticks out because it had such a different feel. I grew up in a home where someone had to be right (and that made the other wrong)…I never knew that people did not have to move lock-step in marriages, or that making everyone happy was not my job (but that being true to my inner voice was). …still learning this. Thanks Suzanne!

  2. I have never thought of “traditional” compromise in exactly that way but it’s true . . . it usually involves a degree of discomfort on one side. The door opens crack wider, thank you again Mary for putting things in a new light! The quote startled me too, I often dream of staircases that are impossible to climb, the steps are fragile or too far apart . . . interesting! Life’s journey can be difficult at times, depending on how you chose to look at it! I like your perspective.

  3. Thank you Mary again for your wonderful posts. They continue to breath new life into my spirit.

  4. I was taught in school that a compromise involves both parties letting go of something so that each party can get something of what they want. Usually, in a historical or political context. This can be a good thing, depending on the situation. Being raised in an alcoholic home, there was NO COMPROMISE. The one who was bigger, louder, angrier always won…in the short run!!! That’s not compromise – it is self-will run riot vs. fearful submission. After awhile, no one even has to get drunk (with alcohol) to play this NO WIN Game.

    1. Yes! In true compromise, everyone grows, everyone benefits (sometimes the ego takes a hit but that is not necessarily a bad thing!)

  5. Slightly off topic but a curiosity none the less. As a child of an alcoholic as well, I wonder what percentage of the dear hearted regulars here at White Feather Farm blog experienced the shape shifting, life changing childhood of broken promises and wild stories from an alcoholic parent?
    In retrospect, I found the rough beginning was a catalyst to the exploration of a more spiritual path; trying to make sense of it all; pushing through the pain and negativity to a “universe where everything is connected”.

    I only ask because I feel such kinship to so many who share their inspirations and stories here. Forgive my detour here, Mary, but you have a knack for opening windows to my searching soul.

    1. Dear Cheryl, You need never apologize for any comment that opens up a positive conversation…whether on topic or not! Thank you, Mary

  6. A very powerful conversation here today, fellow Mary Muncil readers! I, too am touched by all who gather here to be inspired by Mary or one of her readers, (or both) such as you Cheryl b. I did not have an alcoholic parent, but it gives me a perspective I might not have if not for what is shared here. I love the community we have established here! Aren’t we great!

  7. I’m glad that you were able to see that mountain after waiting so long and traveling so far. A disagreement is usually settled when it is presented with the truth from the heart and love. Sometimes an argument can be won by losing.

  8. Right on target as usual! I’ve been ruminating on compromise a lot the last few weeks, wondering what’s acceptable, what’s expected, the results of NOT compromising, etc, etc. Your post will help me think about what’s important to me (and to my sweetheart) and leave the unimportant things to sort themselves out. Thank you again…!

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