Do I really want Camelot?

I’m not really ever interested in discussing the weather….it feels like “filler” talk to me. To my parents, the weather is a major topic of conversation….and worry.  When our phone rings and I hear Jack say, “Yes, that was a hot day yesterday!”…or something similar…I know that either my mother or father is on the other end of the line. My father and I were talking the other day and he was saying how nice the weather had been in Florida (where he and his wife live 8 months of the year) and how he really hoped the summer in Saratoga would be nice too. Then he asked me why I would choose to live in the rural northeast with such “terrible winters and not much to do.”

At first, I said my standard, “I like the change of seasons”, and that is true…but I found it interesting that something more started to surface. There is this idea that we can somehow “tweak” our lives, environments and worlds to our ideal of perfection…sort of like the song from the musical Camelot; always sunny, 70 degrees, only rains at night, everything “moderate”, neutral, i.e. never “interferes” with our plans. I have watched my parents try to make this world for themselves.  I grew up in the 50’s which seemed to be the era of how to sterilize/standardize just about everything…hoping that if we could control the outer world, maybe this would give us security on the inside too.

Sometimes I still look for this “perfect” environment when I feel overwhelmed by my “messy life”. As I sat down to write a post yesterday, Fred sauntered by with a chipmunk in his mouth. After the chipmunk rescue (what a complete delight to hold that little mammal in the palm of my hand), Eleanor threw up all over the rug, after that clean up, the phone rang (no one calls at 6 am) and it was important to be available, …I gave up on writing and embraced the wonderful mess of my life.

I have to admit that sometimes, I still hope that this perfect place exits out there somewhere….. but what I know, deep in my heart, is that it must exist inside first, and the quickest way to get there seems to be to love what is in front of me at the moment…whether that be an unexpected visitor (like a chipmunk or snake), a deep and meaningful conversation, or a hail storm. All of the perfect weather in the world won’t make a bit of difference to me if I am not peaceful inside. Because when I am, I see the perfection…every place.

18 thoughts on “Do I really want Camelot?

  1. When it was said, “Home is where the heart is…” here I am…
    Thank you for the weather reference….I do find myself keenly aware of the sky, but probably from farming. Today is the very BEST as the air is clear and the breeze cool….polar fleece and sweats! and I love the seasons….and how I change w/ each…enjoy your day!

  2. Your timing is always right on Mary. I have been as sick as I ever care to be, migraines since Wed. mris, spinal tap, ct scans, nothing wrong but something not right. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Please pray for me.
    I have a best friend who is going to die one day of terminal bone cancer, she has ten sites and is still living her life. 6 billion (roughly) of us, all headed for the same direction and yet we are shocked when one of the people from OUR tent disappear. I sent this song to her to share and I thank you for finding it for us. Better days ahead Mary, I just want them right now!

    • Rose,
      All of the messages to you send love and healing. You have made us all richer through your sharing and we are ‘praying you into health.’

      Your comment on your friend will resound for many who read it and who may be faced with the same situation.

      I’m sending you love from PA…a beautiful state, but right now, home of the HOT and HUMID!

      Big ‘hugz’ to you!

  3. Rose, I hope you feel all the love and prayers that this little band of friends will send to you today. For relief from those headaches and any other ill that is keeping you from feeling your very best. From Arizona, I send you a heaping dose of sunshine too! Your comment on your friend who is living her life with the daily awareness of having bone cancer – if I may share a line from a book I finished last week – Wendell Berry’s character Nathan speaks so well to the ‘art of living’. At the end of this book (Hannah Coulter is the title) – an aging Nathan, in his seventies, has kept it hidden from his wife that he has cancer until it is too late to have any treatment such as radiation or chemo. He gently tells her when it is no longer an option to keep it from her, “Dear Hannah, I’m going to live right on. Dying is none of my business. Dying will have to take care of itself”. More than once in this book, that phrase appeared, “I’m going to live right on” – it struck me every time. A favorite minister of mine usually started every worship service with a rousing “This is the day the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!” Mary, we all rejoice and are so glad that in your corner of this big old world, in the place where you live, you write from your heart, and have showered us all with wisdom, hope and always, love! Happy happy day to all. Feel our prayers, dear Rose.

    • Susan, that’s a beautiful message, may I second it? Blessings and be well, Rose, sending you more sunshine from idyllic Northern Michigan!

      • Where in Northern Michigan, Kelly? My parents were born in the U.P. – Calumet and Ishpeming. Beautiful state! I grew up in Midland, MI. Wonder how spread out our White Feather Flock is?

      • Susan, I am in Harbor Springs on Little Traverse Bay, about 45 miles south of the bridge. 🙂 I know the UP is gorgeous this time of year too!

  4. Hi Mary,

    ” I grew up in the 50’s which seemed to be the era of how to sterilize/standardize just about everything…hoping that if we could control the outer world, maybe this would give us security on the inside too.”

    Your statement in today’s blog, was like a cannonball through the front door of my mind. It just moved aside decades of my own questions about WHY I feel such need to control every minute of every day.

    I grew up in that same era (40’s and 50’s) and I was taught that there was bad stuff out in the world and that if you were very, very careful, you could avoid most of it just by concise planning. I have been trying to let go of this for a long time and you just handed me the recipe for meaningful introspection.

    Oddly enough, this past Saturday I had major plans (all very nicely fit into my calendar) that got totally blown out of the water by my encounter with a baby rabbit who had been mauled and had his left eye and forehead injured. I gave the whole day up finding, and getting him to, a Wildlife Rehab Clinic here in PA. Never had this experience before.

    Between being horribly upset about this dear little bunny, getting lost trying to find the clinic (which was far away and down a one-lane dirt road in the woods…a perfect spot to murder someone and dump the body, as my mother kept yammering at me the whole time…) and hoping they would be able to help him, I went from being annoyed that my day had disintegrated to just easing down and going where it led me. What a miracle that was!

    I swear, you somehow so frequently read my mind, and there it is, all addressed in your blogs!

    Sorry for rambling on. You don’t have to take any time to comment on this. I just had to share, and also thank you for your great insight. Jon and Maria are lucky to have you as their spiritual counselor. Sure wish I lived close enough to do the same.


  5. I heard a minister talk about the idea of making room in his heart for what came along even if it made him late for his sermon or something else “important”. I found it a beautiful idea, but didn’t quite understand why it moved me so much. Maybe because, as you say, it’s about what is going on inside of us, not outside and an open an spacious heart must be a peaceful thing to have.

  6. What a powerful group of kind souls you have brought together Mary. This is such a healing site. Rose, I hope your head is better by this day. I can’t imagine suffering with a migraine for days on end.
    As for talk of the weather, it is a rather dull subject. I’m not sure I would like to live in a place where the sun was shining everyday. I love a thunder storm and snow is lovely (for awhile anyway!). About this time of year I must admit to welcoming the sun. It has been a long winter.
    I have chased baby rabbits, birds and ground squirrles that my dear Lightning Bolt has brought in the house. Makes for an interesting day! I’m glad you saved the chipmunk Mary!
    Wish I lived closer too. I live in northeastern Nevada. Seems like we are all rather spread apart physically, we can be together in spirit!

  7. My prayers go out to Rose and her friend. I am not feeling well myself today, but I know I will feel better when I get some sleep and resume taking care of myself. Reading & responding to this Blog is one of the ways I take care of myself.

    Born in Brooklyn, N.Y., raised & schooled in Queens, N.Y. – I took a 35 year sojourn in the sate of Florida, where I taught high school and raised my kids. I always missed the Change of Seasons, and “took the road less travelled” by retiring to the Rural Northeast where everyday is rich with a variety of sights, sounds, and natural, happy things to do.

    I can handle physical messes better than emotional ones. The other day, after an emotional mess at the dinner table in front of my future daughter-in-law, I sarted putting all the dishes in the dishwasher – wishing I had a people-washer in my life! I guess that’s God, the great PeopleWasher in the sky – and inside of me! Enough, Love to all of you. Mary Rita

  8. Maria, I love that comment from the minister about making room in the heart for what comes along, even when our agenda is full. I think it is probably grace that is the key that will open room in abundance, and a spaciousness to free us to live fully present in the moments of each day. Speaking of bunnies, I was so blessed this morning to see a true baby! bunny, no more than six inches long, nestled against the front of our house by the door (my dog, Lucky alerted me to the little fellow as we came back from our walk – “lucky” for the bunny, I was holding tight to the leash). Mama Bunny was nearby waiting for us to get inside and away from her little one. From the window, I marveled at her mothering of the baby. She seemed to tuck it under her belly, and then with her little mouth, she was grooming the top of the baby’s head. Silly question, but do rabbits nurse from the mothers? Maybe that’s what baby was up to under her Mama’s skirts!

  9. From the local to the global, it’s always interesting how a twist of perspective can embrace so many far-flung cyber souls. Mary, you are a master at it!
    A government issued (G.I.) gypsy by virtue of my father’s military career, as a child I traveled this country top to bottom, east to west, as well as all over the world. And in all those climate zones, the ‘weather’ is always too hot or too cold—a la Goldilocks! The irony of my young adulthood was continuing the nomadic life desperately searching for the “control of the outer world” and “security on the inside” that the ’50’s deluded us with. Of course, Leave it to Beaver, Donna Reed and Father Knows Best was a pipe dream. It was an emotionally messy life, but search I did.
    Now I live in the most ‘perfect’, moderate climate of anywhere I’ve ever been—on the beautiful Monterey Bay of California. And I still miss thunderstorms and snow occasionally! But my heart is at peace; the gift of coming full circle, back to find home.

  10. I enjoy your posts! I do not know your denomination, nor do I care. It does not matter ones preference – only the state of one’s heart & mind. Will your thought live on, will they touch someone & will they make a difference in this world for the better?
    Will tomorrow your words be repeated in peace?
    Will your words cause laughter?

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