I’ve finally collected enough old cashmere to start my blanket. There is something that feels wrong about cutting into a perfectly wearable sweater (even though I am not wearing any of these, and bought them for the express purpose of making a blanket). A voice says, “What if you mess this up and then you have wasted 6 perfectly good sweaters?” I think that this is the voice of anti-creativity and it lies dormant until I try to do something new (with paint or fabric….or life). It wants me to stay safe; wear the sweaters or give them away. Those are its two options. It might also add, “You shouldn’t have bought them in the first place. You will probably never make the blanket. And if you do, it will be ugly, because you really don’t know how to sew, and you won’t use it…..”
I realize that I’ll never be able to banish this voice forever, but I can also see where I have permanently changed it, in some areas of my life, and that is encouraging and important to remember. When I first decided to wear brighter clothes, I felt ridiculous. I was really uncomfortable for about a month going out in public with such a different look, but now I find that I love it, and wouldn’t even consider going back. I had a function to attend last week, and as I was putting on my 9 month old blue suit (that I bought specifically for these types of occasions), my first thought was, “What possessed me to buy such a dull suit?”
So I’m making the blanket. The more pieces that I sew together, the better I feel. Someone posted a Mary Oliver quote a few weeks ago that said, “What do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” and then, shortly after, I received a bookmark with the same quote on it. Sometimes it feels too big to think about what I am going to do with “my life” and I need to break it down into manageable segments. What am I going to do today, right now, with my life? Stay in the known or take a chance and create something new?
“Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous”.