Saturday afternoon, I was napping on the couch when my mother called. I was only half asleep but feeling good and was happy when I heard her voice. She immediately said, “You sound like you were sleeping!” I told her that it was no big deal, I was glad to be awake because it was late afternoon and I had wanted to get up anyway. This didn’t satisfy her. One of my mother’s pet peeves is people sounding tired when she calls. It doesn’t bother her that she woke them up, but it annoys her beyond belief when they sound tired.
I had forgotten this until about 2 minutes into the conversation when she said, “You sound dopey. I’ll let you go. Bye!” I was fully awake then. I stayed on the couch and kept saying, “Let it go. That is her. Don’t make it your problem. Don’t build a case against her….” After a little while, the feelings of irritation at her did fade, and I felt much better. I resolved to not talk about it. When Jack got home, it was the first thing that I told him, but I also said that I was not bothered anymore and was glad that I had moved through it.
My mother called again yesterday. I had been in the middle of a semi-frustrating situation, working on a project for most of the morning that wasn’t going well, and the first thing out of my mouth to her (which I tried to hide with a little humor that I wasn’t feeling) was, “So, you don’t think that I sound dopey today?” and as I said it, I thought, “You were going to drop that weren’t you Mary? What happened to your resolve?” But I knew exactly what it was. I had been feeling irritated with myself before her call and didn’t catch it, so the situation from the day before just jumped on board the “feeling irritated and frustrated train” when it passed by, and I didn’t even try to stop it.
Like attracts like in situations, people and events. I know this. I also know that I can truly let something go, and I can also take it back by thinking about it. Today is the beginning of the Chinese New Year; the year of the dragon. I like the idea of new beginnings, of letting go of past hurts and resentments, and stale patterns of feeling, and of stepping into a new, more expansive, less petty, happier way of being…today is a new day.
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” Edith Lovejoy Pierce