Many years ago, I took a trip to Grenada to relax, but also to learn how to snorkel. The idea of seeing those beautiful, graceful and colorful fish felt so exotic and exciting. I hired a guide and liked him the moment that we met. He was young but had an inner confidence, and I knew that hiring him was the right thing to do.
He started to take me out into ocean, adjusting my mask and showing me how to breath through the snorkel, and I suddenly became rigid with fear. I felt like I was going to aspirate tons of sea water and drown. It was not logical. I was in panic mode and tried to get back to shore as fast as I could. He was talking to me, but I was too scared to listen. I actually started yelling, “I cannot do this! I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to do this anymore!” Instead of backing down, he took my hand and held onto me, not tightly, but firmly.
This beautiful young man just took my hand and said, “It’s ok. You can do it. I won’t let you go.” And he held steady. He did not get worked up or thrown off-balance by my mini-melt-down. He taught me to snorkel and we floated around for a half hour or so, holding hands, watching the fish.
I felt such a sense of accomplishment as I got out of the water. I also saw how panic and fear wanted to shut me down and send me scrambling for “safety”. I was in my mid-thirties then and had so little idea of how to trust myself; to trust the part of me that is always connected to divine wisdom. I’ve learned a lot since that time about listening to, and going with, my inner guidance. I’ve made enough mistakes, where I’ve declared at the unfortunate conclusion,” Why didn’t I listen to myself? I could feel from the start that something was off here” Or, “I never trusted him or her from the beginning. I talked myself into doing that and all along something inside was telling me it wasn’t right.” And I had plenty of times when I did trust the person or situation (even though my head was trying to get me into fear and doubt) and it turned out really well.
If we are going to live open and big lives, we need to trust others, but our inner knowing is always the final authority. We can step out with confidence in the world if we have faith in our inner guidance; the part of us that is connected to all Wisdom…the part that knows we won’t be led down a path feeling great and in harmony, to be suddenly dumped in the middle.
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer“. Corrie Ten Boom