We are leaving for Mexico on Saturday. I was lying in bed on Sunday night thinking, “Why not do everything you can tomorrow, so it will be off your mind for the rest of the week?” I realized that it was easier to call my credit card company, photocopy passports and drivers licenses, pack my swim suit and other essentials, buy the extra cat food and litter, ect. on Monday, rather than wait until Friday. I am not a last-minute person and I’m generally not a procrastinator but I’m married to someone who has had those tendencies, and this has been a source of tension in our relationship. I am really trying to do this trip differently.
I got up yesterday morning and said to Jack, “How about if we make a list of 3 things that we will each do today, to get ready for the trip?” This idea was something that we had never done before and I liked the feel of it, but Jack didn’t. He said, “Mary. Everything always gets done easily and on time. Don’t worry so much. This isn’t much different from when we have people over for dinner. Everything turns out great, but you seem to have a hard time relaxing in the preparation stage”.
His “chill-out and be more like me” attitude was not well-received, to put it mildly. I snapped back at him, that it certainly did go smoothly and easily from his perspective since I did it all! And all of my shopping, planning, packing and thinking about every little detail was the reason that he had such an easy time of it, and I would like a little more help! When I finished my mini, “I am better than you” tirade, I sat down and thought, “What part of this are you doing differently Mary? Why are we dragging up the unhappy past and reminding each other of what we did wrong? How can we ever move forward like this?”
I felt very irritated (both with myself and with Jack) and knew enough not to try to do anything in that state of mind, so I went for a run, and just kept repeating, “I choose life. I choose peace. I choose faith. I choose love. All is well.” It took about 15 minutes for the inner-turmoil to calm down. When I got back home, I was in a much better state of mind and Jack and I had a really fun and productive day getting ready for the trip.
“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around, in awareness“. James Thurber