It’s not about “them”

Esther in the yard last year

I ran into a woman the other day that basically ignored me. She said hi, but it was a sugar-coated, disingenuous greeting. At first, I felt somewhat indignant and offended but the more I thought about it (and looked at myself and my own thoughts), I could see that I myself had entertained some pretty unpleasant and petty thoughts about her. Neville Goddard once said, “Others only reflect back to you what you whisper to them in your own mind.”

It’s never about “them”.

The soul of all life is your own soul. Wherever your eye falls, it sees naught but a reflection of yourself.”  U. S. Anderson (from the book, Three Magic Words)

20 thoughts on “It’s not about “them”

  1. Oh Mary, you are naughty! You have invaded the privacy of my own mind (smile)….I had a mother-in-law who had no brake between her brain and her tongue and who would say things other people might think but would be too polite to say. She used to make me laugh but the fact was, it was always at the expense of someone else..but I’ll give her this…she often made fun of herself, which to me is healthy and good. We can and do reflect ourselves in others. It’s a good reminder to keep check on what we think and project. But on the other hand, there is such a thing a just plain ‘not good’ chemistry between people and maybe you and that other person just aren’t a good mix regardless of what goes on in your head or hers.
    SandyP in Canada

  2. Watching the mind is always an adventure. The smallest interactions reveal volumes about what I really think and I always find that humbling and refreshing at the same time. It’s an opportunity to gently shift the focus off of ‘them’, whoever they are, and focus on the only person I can really change-me.

  3. How often have we described ourselves, or others, who are ‘open books’, as ‘what you see is what you get’. Now I see another message in that phrase…what ‘YOU see’ is what you get. Very eye opening! (No pun intended!)

  4. Mary your blog today does remind me that sometimes we judge people unfairly and without much thought and many times later we find them quite charming when we meet them under different circumstances. She might have been having a truly bad dayand therefore was mindlessly rude and/or artificial when greeting you.

  5. I love the Neville Goddard quote, Mary. And I find it to be true in many instances. But sometimes I feel that no matter what I project, there are some people out there who are just plain miserable or mean spirited.

  6. “Others only reflect back to you what you whisper to them in your own mind.”

    This is one of the most challenging things.To not get hooked into assuming and blaming – and instead (attempt to) take responsibility for how I interpret the world.
    Yes.

  7. I think there is truth in this….but not all the time. I have had an experience or two where a person I’ve just met has taken an instant dislike to me, and yet there was nothing in my own mind, negative or otherwise, about this person.

    I believe that the prism one looks through will color the world you are observing, but sometimes there is just a plain, old ‘negative charge’ between some folks. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to change it, though.

    • Suzanne, I feel this is so, too. Not always do we project what we get back. Sometimes there is an aura about a person that just doesn’t mesh with our own. Awhile ago, I had an instanteous reaction to someone who was hired to run a Curves in our town. The moment she walked in the door, I felt a negative reaction to her. My reaction proved to be on the mark. It didn’t make me any more right than her or any better than her but sometimes our gut reactions are what we need to hear but with an open mind as well. SandyP

  8. Love the Anderson quote. So what are the “Three Magic Words”? Or do we have to go read it for ourselves? ;-}

  9. Clear back in elementary school, I learned that if you don’t like something in someone, it’s probably in you, too. Our neighbors had 8 kids and the second oldest was my age. Her next-in-line little sister drove us nuts, always wanting to join our ‘mature’ activities. I honestly forget who told me her traits were probably mine as well, but it sure stuck.

    I’m off again with the golden oldie fiddlers to a concert in Oregon, so see ya’ll after awhile. Happy June!

  10. “Livin’ in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, oh so why can’t we?” I heard this song in my mind reading all the posts today. Having just watched Paul Mc C and Stevie Wonder last night on the Queen’s Jubilee concert – this vide will really take you back. Happy day all!

  11. So true…..and my own experience confirms this but, my question is, the people who reflect back our very own negative thoughts of ourselves are to be avoided or changed? I have a friend I can no longer tolerate her presence but I know why….it’s me. So do I avoid her or do I change myself or end the relationship as I can no longer deal with her treatment of me??

  12. I was talking about this very thing with someone (a family member) the other day, and she said, “But it can’t be about me because some people you meet are just so damned miserable!”…and I thought, “Well, if you are thinking that they are “miserable” aren’t you the one thinking a negative thought about them?

  13. When I opened this post, I thought Ester was standing on a giant, concrete I Ching Coin. She looks positively regal and aloof from all our human machinations. I say “Follow our animals ways; they spend time in bliss, not pissed”!
    [Ah, that it were that easy….]

  14. Yes! I seem to keep having to learn this lesson over and over. I have to work with a variety of personalities at my job, and often don’t care for some of them. If I don’t make any effort, I find the relationships worsen over time as I try to avoid them. But if I change my attitude and sit down and really talk with them in a positive manner, I find the relationships almost always improve – due to my efforts. Yes, there are exceptions, but quite often what goes around comes around! Thanks Mary.

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