Harmonious relationships

This is not Luke, (but a friend sent this photo to me because it reminded her of him.)

I was reading Debra Saum’s blog yesterday and was impressed by the way she worked with a behaviour issue with her cat Felix, resolving it in such peaceful way. Although this might not seem to have anything to do with my mother, the connection jumped out at me. For years, my mother talked about what she didn’t like in several of her relationships. She’d spend hours dissecting the reasons why she thought they did this or that, how difficult the relationships were….and they didn’t get better.

I had just finished reading Debra’s blog when my mother called and said, “I have decided that it doesn’t matter why anyone in my life behaves the way they do. From now on I’m just going to enjoy their company and look for what I like about them.” She’d just had lunch with one of  these friends and said it was the best time she’d had with her in years.

Sometimes finding solutions is more important than understanding the problem”. Debra Saum

The link to Debra’s wonderful blog (and her website) is below.
http://www.debrasaum.com/compassion-is-the-solution/

15 thoughts on “Harmonious relationships

  1. Dear Mary….Thank you for your generous and thoughtful comments about my blog! I am so grateful to know that my post about our beloved Felix Orange Boy were helpful. It is my life’s work to pass on the multitude of lessons I glean from animals and their wise, sometimes mysterious ways. Your blog is an integral part of my daily life….every morning I look forward to your loving teachings and the inspiring comments from “The Flock”. Thank you!

  2. Mary – Thank you for sharing your thoughts and Debra’s wise words. I have someone dear to me who responds to most issues the same way your mother did with her relationships. I am going to remember this quote and use it at an opportune time. (Love Debra’s blog, too!)

  3. Very timely post, Mary. I LOVE Debra’s blog, and this quote from her was especially meaningful.

    I am meeting some old friends today whom I haven’t seen for awhile. One of them is not particularly easy to be with, and I was (synchronistically with your blog) thinking about just letting the other friends absorb my attention. I had just about decided to not let it be negative, when I got a text from one of the others that this person had decided not to come.

    Answers come in ALL forms! Happy day to all! 🙂

  4. Thank you so much, Mary for your post this morning, and for including the link to Debra’s blog. I’m so looking forward to reading past posts and catching up, because I sure like what I saw, Debra! and read. You are a beautiful artist! Harmonious weekend to all!

  5. Isn’t it amazing what can happen when we just learn to let things go. So happy your Mom had this revelation and that she continues to enjoy life. Happy for you too to see this change in her,…
    xoxox Marian

  6. I love Debra’s quote and blog and your mother’s approach! I believe the key for me is that despite someone’s annoying, offensive, negative behavior do I/can I still enjoy their company? Am I able to ‘override/ignore/dismiss’ what I view as their low energy? Honestly, sometimes I can/I do and can experience exactly what I like about that person. Other times, the behaviour I see does matter to me and I do spend way too much time and valuable energy on the other ‘stuff’! But if I choose to stay in the relationship, either up close or from a distance, I think your mother’s approach and attitude are the way to go! I’m still a work in progress in this regard! Great comments given our weekend of the sounds and feel of harmony!

  7. It is truly so much easier to find fault than not, in relationships. I loved Debra’s quote as well and I left for town in a much better frame of mind than the one in which I got out of bed with…I was grumpy this morning. And here, this was the morning of ‘harmony’ was meant to be my mantra. You may have noticed that the obstacles I put out there yesterday which could have disrupted my harmony…they were all externals. I neglected to add the very one at the core of disharmony…..moi. When I realized that it wasn’t external but internal that required the harmony, I giggled all the way into town. Nice when light bulbs go on in my head, I thought…of course, why didn’t I think of that yesterday. You have me thinking, Mary. All this helps centre me. Good for your Mom, Mary….another light bulb effect.
    SandyP in Canada

    • Thank you for letting us know about your day Sandy (I love those light bulb moments too!) and yes, it is wonderful about my mom. When she was sharing with me her new thought, and her decision to focus differently, I could feel that she was really doing it (not just lip service) and I found it inspiring to me as well. After all, she is going to be 85 in Sept. and is the happiest that she has ever been in her life!

    • Thank you for this link, Mary S. You are right….it did speak to our recent topics, and it was helpful to me, personally.

      Hope your day is bright!

  8. I absolutely loved the photo …. it was just adorable!! Thanks for sharing….and if Luke looks like that …what a beautiful dog you have!

    I also loved your Mothers healthy approach to friends and realationships…..good advice!

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