no more chalk eggs

Fred looking up at me as I sat at my desk last evening

A couple of months ago, I was invited to a gathering of some old friends. This involved a fair amount of travel on my end, but  I was still excited to go. One of the women, whom I had always felt a little uncomfortable around, was co-hosting the party, and little by little, I found myself focusing more on her, and less on the others, so as the event got closer, I began feeling apprehension about it. I was trying to imagine what conversation I could have with her so I could appear to be friendly (all the while thinking “I’ll just keep my distance”).

If I’m trying to keep my distance, from anything or anyone, then I’m not clear about myself. Either I need to change my thought or my plan because otherwise, I’m entering the situation with a mixed vibration.

When I realized this, I started to consciously turn it around, imagining seeing her and giving her a big hug.  I tried to feel the happiness from both of us, on being together again for the first time in years. Driving there, I had a happy expectation and was actually looking forward to seeing her. When I arrived and was saying hi to everyone, before I could ask where she was, someone said that she had not been able to make it.

This is one spiritual lesson that I have learned. If I am dreading something, and I don’t change my energy, I will line up with something “dreadful”. It takes a fair amount of work to really change feelings. I can easily see myself hugging someone, but if my feelings about it are not matching the action, then I’ll get a response that shows me my true belief.

There is just no way to fool the Law of Attraction. Like energy attracts like, but if I really change my feelings from dread, fear or worry to a more loving, open, happy and relaxed, attitude, then if the person that I have been thinking about is not in a good place, we will not line up and one of us won’t be there.

 “When people come to see us, we foolishly prattle, lest we be inhospitable. But things said for conversation are chalk eggs. Don’t say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary”. Ralph Waldo Emerson (from “Social Aims”)

22 thoughts on “no more chalk eggs”

  1. I have had this happen too, Mary, where the person I was dreading seeing again didn’t show up. The relief I felt however, told me a story about myself. I realized (for me) that the relief presenting itself was showing me that I had not really been able to change my feelings about her at all. If I had changed, then why would relief even present itself?

    It is amazing how much one can learn about what they are doing in their own subtle realms just by becoming aware of, and examining, their feelings in given situations.
    You always show me how to do these things. You are responsible for a lot of my growth. Thank you.

    And this picture of Fred is fantastic! What a presence he is!

  2. Dear Mary. I love this quote by Emerson! “….what you are stands over you the while…” It’s so true that our deepest intentions always out-weigh/over-shadow our appearances. Coming to terms with….even just identifying those inner intentions can be a challenge, but when we finally embrace the ‘real’ stuff, it frees us. I too had a recent experience like you described in which I had to come to terms with some deep feelings and realizations about someone. Although the outcome was still a bit uncomfortable, I was able to be honest with myself (and the other person). Thank you for your daily reminders to remain true to ourselves and to follow the light of that truth in everything we do!

  3. So, so true, Mary. I had a very similar experience this past Tuesday, when I found myself facing a day full of appointments with various groups I was anticipating “having issues” with. Before I left the house in the morning, I actually asked myself: “What would Mary do?” And I decided you would tell me this was a wonderful opportunity to redirect my energy and expectations, to listen and reconnect with these people, and to create a productive and harmonious atmosphere. So I did. And it was. And I thank you!

  4. I can think of a couple of times in the past when I have ‘dreaded’ (and that is the perfect word, Mary!) something or someone and sure enough, that is just what I got…a miserable experience…before, during, and after. And other times when I have been able to clear and change my negative energy and look at the situation or person in a different light…and had a wonderful experience. What you have taught me is to acknowledge and release those old feelings, old memories, clear them out…an old ‘suffering’ can cause more or continued suffering, if I let it…replacing the old with the new is what I continue to strive to do…Your comments and Emerson’s quote say it all! Thank you!

  5. Do you ever wonder, when a cat stares so intently at you, Mary, as Fred is doing, that they are seeing into your soul…I wonder that. Your post is so timely for me. I have a long trip ahead of me, by car, this week-end; something that I’ve been very apprehensive about, a fourteen hour round trip, Sat./Sun. I have a friend kindly accompanying me as I’m sensitive to gas fumes and tend to fall asleep on long trips. That aside, I’ve also been apprehensive about explaining the reason for my trip to my husband. Since his retirement, he’s become very negative at times towards my interests and casts a pall over things. Yesterday, when I announced the reason for my trip, I expected (how’s that for expectations being fulfilled…!!)…and got the usual negative reaction, the controlling look, the back turned; anger. And what I said was this: I don’t need negative energy right now as I’m nervous enough about the long drive in the car and I walked away. All day I reminded myself not to become a victim of my own negative thoughts and his…I’m still working on it today but coming up from the bottom of the well…like attracts like, I keep reminding myself..think more positive thoughts…and so, like you, the build-up towards this trip has been similar to your experience in seeing the woman you were not comfortable being with, Mary…so I ask again: Do you live inside my head….your post is so very timely this morning, for me.
    SandyP in Canada

    1. Sandy, picture a little wagon of WFF friends attached by a hitch to the back of your car, wishing you nothing but a wonderful weekend, bringing up the rear with nothing but positive energy. We’ll sort of be like your spare tire, should you run low! – Retired husbands? That could be a topic for a week’s worth of posts! 🙂 Love to you!

      1. Susan, I’m almost in tears at the thought of pulling my community of spiritual friends behind my SUV. It is a wonderful mental image for me and I shall plan to do exactly that. Thank you so much….
        SandyP

      2. Road trip! Hooray…we’ll be there to push you or pull you, sing along, be quiet…whatever you need…our energy and spirit will be nearby…surrounding you, like Susan suggests, with nothing but positive energy! I’m thinking of two songs…Roger Miller’s “King (QUEEN!) of the Road” and Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again”…

      3. And we are going through mountains. Sheesh, I don’t like heights…I won’t look down. We are Google-Earthing it, hubby is interested in the route..not what’s at the end of it…a new puppy. You are all making me feel so positive and happy. I can’t thank you all enough for your wonderful spirits, happy thoughts. Would gluten-free muffins do instead?
        SandyP

      4. I’ve polished the little red wagon
        Now as big as a caboose.
        This road trip is officially on
        The “White Feathers” been turned loose!

        Don’t look down into the gorges
        The depth can be quite daunting.
        Rather focus on the high peaks
        They never leave you wanting.

        With all eyes on the road
        And hands upon the wheel
        A most positive attitude—
        Keeps everything REAL.

        [Move over, Thelma and Louise!]

  6. Looking into Fred’s eyes is, I see, very good for one’s soul. Emerson seems to be saying, ” shut up and be yourself!”

  7. Mary, this paragraph of yours, “If I’m trying to keep my distance, from anything or anyone, then I’m not clear about myself. Either I need to change my thought or my plan because otherwise, I’m entering the situation with a mixed vibration.”, is a big one for me. Being clear about oneself, not entering a situation with a mixed vibration – I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where we have no choice but to attend some ‘social something’ that we do dread, there’s no other word for it. You find yourself having to make small talk with people you really are not on the same wave length with (as I wrote that old fashioned phrase, I realized wave length = vibration) and you are counting the minutes until you can make an exit. At times like that, I guess all you can do is be your most gracious self and try hard to engage whoever as sincerely as you can, but let’s face it, the ‘have-to’ social situations are not easy. Sandy mentioned retirement above. I think once those years of social “have-to’s” have been completed, we do deserve to be as discerning as we wish to be accepting invitations, or feeling compelled to entertain if it’s not really where our heart is. Been there, done that. Thank you for this reminder to be true to ourselves and project only what is authentic.

    1. Hallelujah! Well said Susan! 35 years of social ‘have-to’s’ have helped me to so value my privacy, my solitude, and my free time. I’ve learned from Mary the distinction between giving/doing out of love, and giving,doing out of obligation. For me, I’d like to think the obligatory ‘stuff’ is behind me…doing and giving from a place of love is so much better…xoxo

  8. Well, this is a tough one for me, which probably means I need to pay it more attention.

    There is one person with whom I must associate with at least once a week, at church of all places, and with whom I simply cannot find anything to like. I’ve tried everything I can think of but for my own sanity I’ve just gone to the smile and avoid as much as possible strategy.

    Mary, with your suggestions and those of the WFFF members I’ll ponder giving harmony another go.

    Meanwhile, Fred is beautiful! Those eyes are sending out vibes of peace, harmony and wisdom to us all.

    Love from Fran

  9. The photo is breathtaking.

    It’s reassuring to know others struggle with simply not liking someone and having to find a way to be ok with that. That’s another thing I like about this community, being able to share our oh so human dilemmas in our quests for spiritual approaches. Dreading= a dreadful outcome. Have experienced this even while having convinced myself I was being oh so pleasant, and having another friend point out my body language betrayals.

    There’s a beautiful black cat crying at my door, desperately needs to find her way home. I put a found ad in the paper, she clearly belonged somewhere. Please send thought energy that she’ll be able to find her way back. I’m caring for her until she does. Thank you.

    1. Dear Sally,
      I am especially fond of black kitties—I currently have two. Best wishes for a good outcome for the one at your door to find her way home, and bless you for taking care of her until she does! Angels are everywhere. You are one of them.
      From Fran

    2. I’ve been thinking about you and the black kitty Sally…it gives me a warm feeling inside to know that you are caring for her until she goes to the right home…I love the caring hearts that gather here, and know that many of us are thinking of you and your little charge

  10. I didn’t notice at first that your quote was from Ralph Waldo Emerson but it immediately brought to mind a quote in my personal book of quotes…”Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying. Also Emerson 🙂

  11. For some reason your postings have stopped being sent to me (or at least I’m not getting them), so I’ve checked and see I’ve missed a lot. I’m now reading backwards, and this one so hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve been working on this myself – noticing when I’m ‘pretending’ to care rather than allowing myself to get out of myself enough to really listen and really care. Still just love your blog.

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