Reflections

Esther sleeping

Recently, I made the decision to move my office/work back to my home. During the first few weeks after the move, a couple of people questioned me; my motives, the soundness and wisdom of this choice, and I felt somewhat defensive. When I feel like this (think that someone elses words, questions or comments are upsetting) I always “know” deep down that what is being offered by others is simply my own thoughts, fears or worries (that maybe I don’t want to consciously acknowledge) coming out of their mouths.

Instead of arguing or explaining in length (after I become aware), I go inside and deal with my own fears, doubts and worries until I’m not conflicted, and I  know when I’ve achieved this because I’m no longer disturbed by anyone else’s opinion or understanding (or lack thereof) of my actions. As long as I am silently arguing with “them”, I haven’t come to peace in my own heart. Life is wonderful like this; it always and forever shows us who and what we are….and if we don’t particularly like what we see, we can always change….our minds.

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.” Ernest Holmes

19 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. yes mary, i too find this is how it is for me as well. i’ve been in a “silent argument” with a sister for some time now. what she offers is at times useful and sometimes not so much. my soul does “know” as you say. there can be value in hearing another, while at other times it is best to heed my internal counsel while quietly proceeding in a congruent manner; getting clear.

    though i did not comment, i related with your posting of yesterday. valuable. thanks for being a voice of comfort………again. i adore the pics of your cats and luke.

  2. Dear Mary, this is such a truth-filled post! Thank you for the reminder that others truly do reflect what is going on within us….when we are clear and brave about seeing those emotions and lessons, we can heal ourselves.

  3. I experienced similar comments with recent changes in my life, and at first felt the need to defend our choices, eventually I stopped feeling defensive and the comments went away. What I did not connect was that the change was inside of me! Once again, Thank you Mary, for holding up the mirror to our inner selves.

  4. Truly a “keeper” of a blog post. You definitely are on a theme of inner work – stuff we might not be so keen on doing. I started to say that it’s “simple but not easy” and then I thought of a conversation we had. Is it possible for you to share your thoughts again on that with me and the flock?

    Since this post seemed to tie with yesterday’s post, I went back to read the comments and found a new comment had been added. Would like to ask Barbara C-M which audiobook is she listening to by Pema Chodren.

    It is so rewarding to be amongst people who are so eager to make personal/inner changes (in our thinking) and sharing the different paths that we can access to get there.

    • Hi Mary S, The audiobook I mentioned is Getting Unstuck. It’s such a blessing to have the ongoing inspiration and encouragement to share here. I’m so grateful for Mary M and this incredible flock.

  5. Thanks for this reminder Mary. To me, this seems one of the most fundamental truths in finding our inner peace and joy and is sometimes the most difficult. I love your comment that “as long as I am silently arguing with ‘them’, I haven’t come to peace in my own heart”. I’ve learned from you recently that sometimes I have silently judged myself through another’s eyes. What will so and so think? My own thoughts and fears coming out of ‘their’ mouths…and how I can make something a problem through my own thought. That’s not the kind of energy I want to feel or to emanate…So…I will hold up my 20X magnifying mirror…helps to see everything more clearly!

  6. I often wonder when others question our decisions, do they think we haven’t spent hours thinking and agonizing over the decision, change, move, whatever it may be? We shouldn’t have to argue or defend our decisions to others.
    I recently learned something from a group I do Bible study with (please forgive me if I have already shared this with you before)…when someone comes to you to tell you something and you immediately feel the need to speak, THINK…is what i am about to say “True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary,or Kind”… Also remember WAIT which stands for Why Am I Talking? Our words are powerful and affect others more than we know…we need to choose them carefully and sometimes it is wise to be silent.
    Love and hugs to all today for chilly Georgia…xoxo

    • Marian, thank you so much for sharing THINK and WAIT! We live in a world where we are constantly being bombarded by everyone’s “take” on everything. Reacting, off the cuff, not even taking time to ponder. The debates for example – they are discussed endlessly before they’ve even taken place, and then ad nauseum thereafter – all sorts of ‘experts’ giving their opinions. OK, do not want to digress into politics, no, no, no! but just an example of how we are influenced to react immediately to what is being said instead of pondering. Slowly, with time and with no hurry or worry to even feel like we have to expound or give an opinion. Sometimes I frustrate my spouse because he hopes I “AGREE” with him on whatever. In fact, he begins his sentence that way (I trust you agree with me that. . . ) – and I am gently trying to let him know that it is fine, it is ok to not agree on everything. I have my own thoughts and views and he has his, and I am learning to honor mine more even when it is difficult. Great post, Mary. – Just want to reach out and rub that sweet little tummy of Esther’s! What a beautiful kitty!

      • Susan, I had to giggle when you wrote: “I trust you agree with me”….that would put the devil in me …I suspect you know exactly how to get around it. The other day my husband and I were cleaning up the piles of sawdust from the huge pile of logs that we get everything which he cuts with a chain saw into usable lengths. He questionned me as to where I was dumping it and of course it wasn’t in the ‘right’ place but it was where I wanted to put it…then he said: whether you like it or not, it’s going under your new bushes that you planted this year. Red flag time for me. I don’t do well with orders…he lost his helper after that.
        SandyP in Canada

      • SandyP, you’re reading me for sure! Checking in tonight for giggles as you wrote, “I trust you agree with me”, I mean, my gosh, yes, that puts the devil in me too, though I try to suppress it with a roll of the eyes inward, ‘oh, those husbands!’ Keep on keepin’ on SandyP! I bet your bed and breakfast is an oasis for many of the lucky ones that have an opportunity to stay with you! xoox Susan

  7. I guess I think that when people make comments like that Mary, it’s not so much about your thinking as theirs and how they feel they would handle a situation such as you are doing. What might not be taken into consideration is the fact that there is a financial aspect to renting space for an office and working out of home eliminates the stress of meeting rent. Perhaps your office was no longer serving a useful puprose in your life as it is at the moment. I’m not sure it’s so much a reflection of our own thinking or of questionning our decision-making process personally as it is in revealing more of the other person’s innner thoughts and issues but they often don’t have the full picture as you or I might have. Sometimes, I think it’s just better to just say thank you for your concern, I have thought of that too and decided this will work better for me.

    That said, I still don’t have answers for other things in my life that I can’t handle..!!
    SandyP in Canada

  8. Nothing like being self employed to teach you about taking responsiblilty for yourself and not other people. Its taken me 9 years to hush the inner voices that want to fix things when others mess up. Thats not my job man. Same with choices, that not your business man. If it works for you, then well done. If you find later that it doesnt, then you change it with no self blame. Sometimes you have to acutally experience the results of a decision to know if it was the right one. I bet your clients like having all the kitties to hang with…

  9. Since I sometimes feel like “I’m talking and I can’t shut up”, I really appreciate Marian’s THINK and WAIT! Thank you Marian!

  10. Well, not that you need my ‘two cents’ on it…..^-^
    but scrolling back through the last 7 consecutive blog photo headers, and the peaceable kingdom of critters, why would ANYBODY want to leave that setting and commute elsewhere??
    I just want to come to your house, Mary, and curl up on some yummy looking piece of furniture and take a nap too! Purrs and paws—love to all.

  11. How interesting it is that what we hear and see is a reflection! We then must interpret this for our best use. It is useful to listen to input………..but after the fact??????????????????Not appropriate!!!!!!!!

  12. Cannot tell you how much I am enjoying your blog though don’t always comment,. Since I am just coming to it recently, went back and read some of the older posts and found the mouse one hysterical. I, too, have had my share of mouse rescues. I only have 3 cats so a little easier to catch!
    Went to a women’s recovery mtg yesterday and we did our usual lunch after. None of us wanted to leave. What a joy to have caring, loving friends and to know that they are caring and loving. For many years, could not accept that I was even remotely lovable by anyone. Again, thanks much.

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