One thing that I try to do right before going to sleep, is read something inspiring, soothing or uplifting. I want the last words that my mind sees, to be of a high quality, and I did this last night as well, but dreamed that I was totally misunderstood by a group of people (who were chasing me and meant me harm!) and woke feeling tired.
The trouble was, I’d spent the hour before going to bed in a state of mild frustration over a computer glitch, and I never totally cleared that irritated energy before going to bed. My internet wasn’t working, a movie that we were planning on watching wasn’t downloaded, and instead of letting go, I gave up in frustration and said to Jack, “I just don’t understand this! It must have been the itune upgrade that I just installed. With every upgrade, it seems like it all changes. It’s like getting in your car and they’ve “upgraded” the radio and moved it!…..” on and on I complained for a good 5 minutes…..even though I know better.
At bedtime, I still felt unsettled but hoped that I could sleep it away, and did my little bit of reading. I woke at 2 a.m with an uncomfortable feeling of tension running through me and then thoughts of an unfinished project (that I hadn’t quite figured out how to do) joined in, along with the thought that I hadn’t given an answer to someone concerning a request…..
All of these things, while relatively small, matched the state of mind that I had before going to sleep and suddenly it felt like I was nothing more than a mass of unfinished, confused, details.
A minute and a half of “positive words” right before sleep, was no match for this bundle of discord that was swirling around inside of me. A spiritual teacher, Esther Hicks, says this is like putting a happy-face sticker on an empty gas tank…if you don’t fill that tank, you are still going to run out of gas. I can put on a veneer of calm but if I’m not calm and peaceful inside, then I need to work a little longer on clearing the inside feeling to match that outer demeanor.
This is one of the reasons that I love dreams…they always show me where I’m at (whether I want to admit it or not) and help me to be honest with myself so real change and growth can happen.
“Dreams are impartial, spontaneous products of the unconscious psyche, outside the control of the will. They are pure nature; they show us the unvarnished, natural truth, and are therefore fitted, as nothing else is, to give us back an attitude that accords with our basic human nature when our consciousness has strayed too far from its foundations and run into an impasse.”
C. Jung, The Meaning of Psychology for Modern Man” (1933)