Paying attention to what I am attracting

Luke (holding a rubber bone in his mouth)
Luke holding the rubber bone that we bought him as a puppy…his first toy!

A few years ago, I was having trouble with someone in my life. It felt like I couldn’t get free of this relationship even though it didn’t seem to be serving either one of us any longer. I tried everything I could think of, “blessing and releasing”, not returning phone calls in a timely manner, even writing a letter saying basically “let us part in peace!” and burning it as a symbol of release…nothing. It stuck to me like a barnacle.

The harder I tried to release it, the more it seemed to be there, to the point where I woke up in the night wondering what was going on. Had I missed something? Maybe I should be more loving? Maybe I’ve not been understanding enough? Maybe I need to be more giving? On and on, the questions and the concerns about my inadequacy to make it a happy relationship persisted, making me more and more unhappy.

One day I heard a voice in my mind and it said this: “Do not think about this relationship and it will go away.” As simple as this sounded, it made me realize that I had, in fact, been thinking about it/her night and day. Even when I wasn’t talking to her, I was thinking about (and dreading) the next time.

I was startled to realize that this person occupied my mind in such a big way, and that it was my thinking holding her in place. She wasn’t interjecting herself into my brain without my permission, I was responsible for this! I began (to attempt) to not think about the relationship, which sounds simple but it wasn’t. Thinking about it, trying to figure it out, talking about it, and mulling it over in my mind, had become a habit. For the first few weeks, nothing changed except my noticing that I was thinking about her again.

Eventually I did stop thinking about her and “things” did change. One day, I noticed that I hadn’t received any emails or phone calls from her in quite some time (and then I had to re-double my efforts to not start wondering why she hadn’t contacted me!…the mind can be a crazy thing sometimes).

Now, when the occasional thought of that relationship crosses my mind, there isn’t any negative charge at all. I can truly say that I wish her all the best. Freedom is never found on the outside first, it must come from within.

“When you find some unwanted thing (in life) that you want to shout ‘NO’ at, shout briefly, and then turn your attention to the thing you do want. The harder you push against anything, the more you attract its essence. Any attention (to anything) is a practicing of the vibration that will bring it unto you. The key is to not give any attention to unwanted things.” The teachings of Abraham , Esther Hicks

22 thoughts on “Paying attention to what I am attracting”

  1. Thank you, Mary. I needed this as I struggle with a long time friendship that no longer works.

  2. Oh, Mary! This couldn’t be more timely for me today.But then, ALL of your posts are very timely for me, even though I don’t reply often! I know about positive thinking; affirming what I want not what I fear; blessing and releasing … but “knowing” with the mind and “allowing” with the heart/soul are 2 very different things. I am such a “mental” person, releasing is always a challenge for me. I’m struggling with an issue that I know will continue for awhile, so I’m going to print this post and keep it handy when I start all that darned “thinking.” Thank you ♥♥

  3. This is such invaluable and golden wisdom for me. All I can say is Amen and thank you, Mary! You have taught me that being “fake” toward someone else because I think I am being kind, is not being “true” to myself and takes oh so much effort and emotional space within me that I’d much rather focus on my authentic relationships. Compelling thoughts and perfect quote!

  4. Dear Mary, boy did I need to hear this one! Sometimes I get so caught up in figuring something out that I forget that in the figuring-it-out obsessively, I am only feeding it! The problem-solver in me doesn’t let it go and then I have not only the problem, but the worry over it. Thank you! I realize this morning I need to just let go of something that’s been bugging me lately. The answers will now come as I release it to a higher power.

    1. I love how you put this Debra…that sometimes the figuring it out obsessively only feeds it! Thank you!

  5. Mary – My goodness, Laurie could have been writing for me as well this morning! I’ve spent much of last night and this morning “dealing” with someone and her impact on several people, including myself. I had such high hopes for a meeting last night, especially after reading my affirmation which included, in part, “…you are the attractor of your experience. Just You!” (See any similarities to the title of this post???) I was feeling excited about what needed to be accomplished and full of positive energy that ended up being bruised by a very negative, disruptive force. At any rate, I am really trying to figure out what happened – oh no, there goes that thinking again – and have my work cut out for me. I will definitely be rereading this post!

  6. Thank you, Mary…whenever I struggle with a person, place or thing, it’s time to “let go and let God” …..

  7. Sitting in front of my fireplace at the moment,(in Arizona? well, it’s not lit!) thinking, if you don’t feed the fire, the flame will go out – Maybe we can imagine those people in our lives that ‘light our fires’ negatively, as flames that will eventually lose their grip on our thoughts if we don’t feed them with the tinder of our thoughts.

  8. This was helpful to me today, Mary. I am going to try it with my dog, Poot. He has been chewing himself and creating big sores on his body for weeks. I have tried everything: bitter apple sprayed on; yucky-tasting topical gel to make him dislike the taste of the area; antihistamines; new grain-free food of the highest quality; toys to keep him problem-solving and therefore menatlly occupied…..EVERYTHING!

    After reading your post today, i’m going to focus on what I WANT (for him to stop chewing himself up) rather that constantly being upset over his chewing and the mess he’s making of his legs, flanks and groin. I can feel the worry and my own irritation when I catch him doing it, and it stays with me. Maybe by changing the picture in my mind to the exclusion of its counterpart, I can affect a change for him.

    Thanks for yet another tip I can use. Love this picture of Luke and his beloved toy!

    1. Forgive me from my own tendency to ‘problem solve’… but high grade fish oil and a switch to a ‘new’ (as in never eaten before) protein source was a cure for my itchy border collie. [Who knew they made dog food from bison and kangaroo??]
      Poot, the last resort is the ‘cone of shame’ around your neck and head and that just looks SOOOO uncomfortable! Envisioning him bathed in moisturizing balms and soothing oils….

      1. All suggestions are welcome, Cheryl b. h/n! I will try the good fish oil and discuss the food with my local organic dog food person. I have thought about the ‘cone of shame’ (LOL) and may have to resort to it, even though I don’t want to. Thank you for your input!

    2. Changing your mental attitude may help you Suzanne but I seriously think Cheryl’s suggestions may be more effective for Poot. Does my memory serve me correctly…is Poot a lab or retriever…retriever but I may be wrong. Itchy skin in not uncommon with goldens but I think the inside out approach is likely to work better.
      I’d be thinking positive thoughts for a day or two then the itching would get to me and I’d be back aggravating it in my mind…I’d fail the course in redirecting my mind entirely.
      Sandy P in Canada

      1. Yup. That’s just how I am. Good for a day or two and then the monkey-mind takes over again. But it’s the only thing I haven’t tried so it can’t hurt to try it along with a new supplement and/or food. Thanks Sandy.

  9. Sometimes coming onto the board here is my treat to wind down with at the end of my day and put me into a more peaceful state of mind so this morning’s post had me smiling through my tears. The past year has seen the deterioration of a relationship with a former stepdaughter with whom I’ve been very close with, and this was not always nor ever easy as her father, whom I left thirty years ago, has seen to the discrediting of me off and on ever since. But, it was a relationship that became toxic over the past year and was never a completely honest one given what she was living with at the other end of her family with me being ridiculed. I mourn the loss of her in my life but when I’ve felt angry, I’ve prayed very hard to erase the anger. I prayed every night and morning that I would not end my day thinking about it or waking up with it in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. And believe me it haunted me for most of the past year and I gave it permission for ‘house room’ in my head. While the sadness will always be there, I hope the anger will not. If I send out waves of love, I hope eventually they will be caught in her net. And then again, they may not. Such as it is……………………
    Sandy P in a snowy, stormy night in southern Ontario, Canada

    1. Loud and clear Susan, you’re coming through. I think what is so wonderful about this site is the fact that in Mary’s sharing of her own self and her own human-ity…human feelings, most of us can relateto her words which are bound to strike flint off one or the other of us one day or another. I think of how often during the course of one day that I have to bring myself back to centre and not fly off in a direction that my stubborn half-Italian tempered mind takes me. My husband refers to it as ‘the wild Hungarian Gypsy’. We are what we are but we can be more than we are. I keep reminding my mind of this. Many times it is like a recalcitrant child though.
      SandyP , the following snowy morning in southern Ontario, Canaada

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