One of the great laments of the victim’s mind is, “I didn’t need that!” This used to me one of my reactive declarations too. Then I began to question it. Who says that I didn’t need it? My ego? My hurt feelings? My image of myself as a person not deserving of such and such? My preconceived notion of how everything should be? My limited idea of right and wrong?
As I questioned this way of looking at the world (through the eyes of an “innocent” victim, but a victim nonetheless) what I came to see was that I always needed “that”. Sometimes “that” led me to see a facet of my character in need of changing if I was going to grow. Sometimes “that” made me realize it was my own hesitancy to forgive or see the situation from a larger point of view that was the root of my suffering. Sometimes “that” revealed the truth that the person (who I was blaming) was not someone I should have in my life, the relationship was not a healthy one, and I could let them go and move on.
Sometimes “that” was just life getting in the way of my little plan and I was having a small temper tantrum, so “that” gave me the opportunity to go with the flow (and feel better) or keep resisting and suffer. There is hardly a worse feeling than thinking something that has happened is wrong and yet, so many times we are the ones who refuse to look at it in a different way. Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, “A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”….and a person unwilling to change their thinking, even when they are unhappy, makes a bundle of misery, not only for themselves, but for those around them.
What I began to do (when something that was not to my liking happened) was to say, “Well, I guess that I needed this. Show me the Wisdom in this situation. Reveal the Truth to me.” Just saying those words helped me to feel lighter. I also noticed that if I could look upon it as something that was for me, not against me or there to punish me, its gift would be revealed. Life is always for us.
“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.” Niels Bohr (Danish physicist who won the 1922 Nobel Prize in Physics)