I didn’t need that…or did i?

Luke (always ready to play!)

We woke up to a winter wonderland and Luke is always ready to play in the snow

One of the great laments of the victim’s mind is, “I didn’t need that!”  This used to me one of my reactive declarations too. Then I began to question it. Who says that I didn’t need it? My ego? My hurt feelings? My image of myself as a person not deserving of such and such? My preconceived notion of how everything should be? My limited idea of right and wrong?

As I questioned this way of looking at the world (through the eyes of an “innocent” victim, but a victim nonetheless) what I came to see was that I always needed “that”.  Sometimes “that” led me to see a facet of my character in need of changing if I was going to grow. Sometimes “that” made me realize it was my own hesitancy to forgive or see the situation from a larger point of view that was the root of my suffering. Sometimes “that” revealed the truth that the person (who I was blaming) was not someone I should have in my life, the relationship was not a healthy one, and I could let them go and move on.

Sometimes “that” was just life getting in the way of my little plan and I was having a small temper tantrum, so “that” gave me the opportunity to go with the flow (and feel better) or keep resisting and suffer. There is hardly a worse feeling than thinking something that has happened is wrong and yet, so many times we are the ones who refuse to look at it in a different way. Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, “A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”….and a person unwilling to change their thinking, even when they are unhappy, makes a bundle of misery, not only for themselves, but for those around them.

What I began to do (when something that was not to my liking happened) was to say, “Well, I guess that I needed this. Show me the Wisdom in this situation. Reveal the Truth to me.” Just saying those words helped me to feel lighter. I also noticed that if I could look upon it as something that was for me, not against me or there to punish me, its gift would be revealed. Life is always for us.

“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.” Niels Bohr (Danish physicist who won the 1922 Nobel Prize in Physics)



15 thoughts on “I didn’t need that…or did i?

  1. This is a technical question – has nothing to do with the actual post. I’m wondering how to know when and where new comments are posted. What I usually do is compare the number of comments, and if it goes up, then I search all the posts to see where a new comment might have come up. Is there an easier way? When I sign to “notify me of follow up comments” – then there are way too many emails for me to deal with. I know the other day Mary went over all the posts and added further comments that showed up the next day. This also occurs when those further west post comments after some of us are already asleep. (Thank you Susan for your kind words from yesterday.) The comments are all so beautiful; just don’t want to miss any.

    • Hi Mary,
      My strategy for reading new posts is as yours. When the count goes up I click in, then go directly to the end of the comments and work my way up until I remember reading the one I’ve gotten to. I may miss some direct reply ones that way, but I seem to get most of the new ones.
      hope this helps.
      From Fran

  2. This is a post (as so many of them are) worth posting somewhere for repeated exposure! Acknowledging I needed it and then asking for wisdom and truth, words of pure wisdom ~ thank you Mary for making my day. Love and hugs to you xoxo
    PS…I love this pic of Luke with snow on his nose, wish I could romp in the snow with him today!

  3. ‘Life is always for us’. What a beautiful thought. Thank you, Mary. I had a big smile on my face the whole time I was reading this post. You are such a blessing in my life. I cherish you and your wisdom.

  4. Dear Mary and All WFFF Members,
    I love today’s message, another way to change my life in a moment, and I’m still reveling in all the spiritually validating comments about life changing moments from yesterday.
    I’m sailing into the weekend with a refreshed outlook on life and Luke’s enjoyment in the snow just is some icing on the cake.
    Love to All,
    From Fran

  5. Thanks again Mary for your wise insight. I can relate to this. I read your blog daily and I love it! I tell all my friends about it. You are appreciated for your efforts! Luke is so cute!

  6. Mary, your choice of quotes: “Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.” Niels Bohr is bang-on. Yesterday, I had to clean up my birdcage feeling before I could move on. Having been through a year of having to look at how I was re-acting to a situation, required much change for me and some sadness as well. Thus, my animal story is a day late. It is of our first Aussie, whom I found lying on the floor of our vet’s surgery 16 yrs. ago awaiting surgery for a broken hip, broken by an abusive former owner, which happened on the one day of the year that I took our other pets in for their yearly shots. Serendipity? He became ours, after convincing my husband who said he did not want to go back up to three dogs (this took five days before he finally agreed to meet the pup). Geordie arrived at our home with a cast on his back leg, hopped up on the couch, took one look at my husband and decided that he had found his new best friend in all the world. They became inseparable. At 16, this past summer, Geordie had to be put down due to a second stroke and my husband is still bereft without him. And……
    The quote this morning is going to be reprinted and posted on my printer. Sandy P in Canada

  7. Thank you, Mary. This is a very wise post. I like that you remind us of ways to turn lemons into lemonade. (You must have brought some sunshine back with you from Florida.) Sue

  8. “Life is always for us”. I will carry that with me on my walk this morning. Out here in Arizona, the most humble of plants and desert cacti are beginning to sprout little pink, purple, and yellow flowers, seemingly overnight, as if a vast internal clock is set exactly to the day. I marvel at the inner workings of nature, the growing, sprouting, bursting forth, all in silent perfection. The rest of the year, most of these plants bear nothing but thorns, and once their flowers are shed, they return to lie quietly on the desert ground, – weedy, thorny, rather unremarkable. Don’t quite know where I’m going with this other than to think of what Mary called “I don’t need THAT!” could be like the thorns that come into our lives, – there is wisdom to be gleaned and absorbed from all that life presents us. We may not always draw the wild card, and maybe think we’ve had too many jokers in our life, but we hold the cards, and we can learn from them, discard what no longer serves us well, and yes, there is always a new card in the deck. Dare to draw it and be surprised.

  9. Hi Mary, I loved Benjamin Franklins’ thought that a man wrapped up in himself is a very small bundle. I’ve been a small bundle for too long. My cardiac status wrapped me inside out. BTW: he also repaired the main pulmonary valve which was sputtering and veins too close to the bottom of the pericardium. Hey, your Mom did it and so did I! My bundle is growing at last. I’m shoveling,hauling and stacking like the old me. I sometimes don’t think of my heart at all. Thank goodness the focus is beginning to grow. Talking to the shelter on mon. to see about volunteering. Thanks for all your support and help. I get such faith and hope from your sweet flock.

    • Thank you for letting us know how you are doing Cindy! Our hearts are joined together in a song of happy thanksgiving!

  10. Sometimes it is too easy to wear a victim mantle forgetting, we alone have the power to change and alter our perspective. Growth either hurts or terrifies, but Niels Bohr was right, delve into our difficulties, peel away the layers or face it head on and the solution will be imbedded within. It’s always that BIG first step that makes me want to hide in a bundle or make excuses not to do…

Comments are closed.