One thing that I’ve noticed, in both myself and in others, is the tendency to build a case against the present “difficulty” in hopes of leaving it behind. Every romantic relationship that I ended, I first thought I needed to build a case against him: he was unavailable emotionally or too needy, too boring and unwilling to seek adventure, or too unpredictable……on and on.
In the past, the idea that a certain man, or school, or town, or home, or job, was “perfect just the way it was”, and that I was ready for something else, wasn’t a part of my consciousness. After all, if it was perfect, why would I want to leave it, him or them? So I built a case against my current situation, thinking that this was the only way I could justifiably leave. I told stories of why it was not good enough. I highlighted, in my own mind, its faults. I thought that loving and accepting the present situation meant that I wouldn’t have enough motivation to leave. My mind demanded, “Either you give me a good reason (i.e. what is wrong) or stay where you are and shut up!”
I equated acceptance with resignation and stagnation. The trouble with this approach to life is, it doesn’t work….long-term. Sure, we might leave the “old”, and for a while, the new seems great; so different, so much better, so improved, but after a while, we discover to our dismay that we’ve dragged “what is wrong” right along with us and it shows up again, in the new (man, school, town, home, job). The world “outside” of us is just a mirror…a reflection of our state of mind. For permanent change for the better, I need to change (my mind) for the better, the good, the more expansive.
This is really up for me today, since we have found a new home and want to move. I’ve noticed my tendency to say (about our current home) “This house is too small!” or “I need to be in town, not in the country” or “I need to live closer to my family.”…..and all of these thoughts, in this moment, fill me with anxiety because in this moment, I am here, in this little home in the country, 2 hrs away from my son….and the reason that I know that these thoughts are not the Truth of my being is because they feel small, tight and restrictive. They have a desperate quality to them. They fill me with unhappiness. These thoughts are old, uninspired, and dead feeling. If I want to live more fully, I need only change my thoughts to ones of love, happiness, and beauty, for all that is in my life now.
So, I’ve started saying, “This is perfect. My home is perfect for us right now. I accept my life today, and I Trust the Divine, the Loving, the pure Goodness of the Unknowable All, that is working in unimaginable ways to bring more of all good into my life, in perfect timing, for the good of all”.
At night, as I’m falling asleep, I whisper, “I trust You. I trust You….” to this secret place of the most high, to the God that I do not comprehend but know lives within my heart, and the hearts of every other being in this Universe.
And I love the way that I feel when I do this. It makes me want to almost giggle with delight. It brings me back to a place that I only slightly remember when I was a little girl. One of wonder, delight, trust, and faith that all is well….and I am going to continue to do this; to sing forth the perfection of this Life, until I sing out my last breath…I may falter, but I will not give up.
“To attempt to change conditions, before a change in consciousness is to struggle against the very nature of things. Man can go round and round in the same circle of disappointments and misfortune, not seeing them as caused by his own negative inner talking, but as caused by ‘others’. To change circumstances, we must change from within first.” from a lecture given by Neville Goddard in 1955