time to bloom

The rose plant blooming inside Jack's studio

The rose plant blooming inside Jack’s studio (I took the photo from outdoors)

Last year, a stem from one of the wild roses that grows in front of the studio, made its way under a wooden windowsill, and began to grow inside. All through the winter, it looked like a dead rose-bush, but Jack and I were so amazed that it had grown inside at all, that we left it. A few weeks ago, it started to bud and yesterday it was full of blooms.

Funny, when we first noticed the stem we both thought, “It shouldn’t be there. We should cut it back”, and at the same time we wondered what unspoken rule says that plants shouldn’t be allowed to grow into the house….especially if you are having fun watching them grow. What is that little voice that says, “This is wrong. It is out-of-place. Nobody else has/is something like this.”

So many times I’ve thought the same thing about myself … when I’ve done something or said something, and gotten one of those sideways glances of disapproval, and secretly thought, “There is something wrong with me. I had better tone it down.” For years, every time I left a party, I became overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and remorse, as I re-lived the conversations and happenings of the evening. My sister and I used to call it, “Post-party whiplash”, and it was hell.

I have decided that from now on…for how many days, months, or years, that I have left on this earth, I am going to love myself. All of me….even when I don’t like myself very much, I am still going to look for the perfection in my life and in myself. And I am going to love you too, even on days when you don’t like me very much, I am still going to look for the perfection in you.

No other way makes sense to me anymore…thinking critical thoughts about myself or others, thinking that there is something wrong with me or anyone,  just feels like such a waste of time…and I don’t want to waste any more time, and I don’t want to miss seeing myself, or anyone else, bloom.

“I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work with them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom. Till you yourself burst into bloom.” Clarissa Pinkola Estes

 

42 thoughts on “time to bloom

  1. Mary, roses blooming inside your home is hard to believe. What a treasure for you and Jack. Do I dare ask what is happening with the windowsill that has a rose branch growing through/under it?

    I don’t know why we waste so much of our lives being self-critical. You’d think we’d like to love ourselves wouldn’t you. After all, if we don’t, who else will?

    SandyP in drizzly, rainy, awfully mosquitoey Southern Ontario, Canada

    • Well, they are blooming inside Jack’s studio (which is a large room, heated with a woodstove, attached to our garage), so it is more rustic than our house…but if roses made it inside our home, I’d probably leave them too, love to you from rainy upstate NY

  2. Loved this post. worth the wait for the afternoon posting.

    ________________________________

    • such sweet words Margie, thank you, and sending you lovely evening thoughts

  3. This post was, for me, one of the top five. I’ll be printing this one out and adding it to my “wise words” folder to re-read when I need some encouragement. Thank you, Mary!!!

    • I am so happy to be able to share here…thanks are being sent back your way Laura

  4. This post had such perfect timing! I had such critical thoughts after texting my college daughter this pastbweekend. And I just planted a new climbing rose bush!

  5. Thanks to you and Jon Katz I’ve been working on being “the real me” rather than what I think others want or expect me to be.. I’ve also been more accepting of my family and friends for who they are and not who I may want them to be. This new way of thinking has led to a more peaceful inner feeling which has led to better relationships. By the way, we closed on the property that will be our farm. Now we need to focus on building a house out there.

    ❤ Donna

    • So happy about your property Donna….That is so wonderful…and a happy farm it will be!

  6. Everything about this post is just Lovely! Thank you, Mary & Jack for allowing all of your Love Buds to bloom. 🙂

    • I appreciate that Diana! Loving thoughts back to you this evening from us

    • It does feel that way…as if my heart is blooming too! Thank you

  7. What beautiful flowers and a beautiful statement you made today Mary. We should all strive to be that way.

    • Thank you Carol…I have set my intention to live this way (and then not to be hard on myself when I don’t quite live up to it, but just to gently keep bringing myself back to thoughts of love)

  8. What a loud chord you strike with me today! In my journal of favorite quotes and/or thoughts (which is FULL of Mary Muncil’s by the way!), there is a question posed by Toni Morrison that asks “When a child walks into your presence, what face do they see? One of love or one of criticism? This has stayed with me for a long time. On Friday, I was standing under a tent, out of the rain, at a big fair in Rhinebeck, N.Y. I was waiting for my husband to find me and help me load my stuff into the car. I was a bit soaked, hair matted against my head, my top a bit in disarray as my arms had been trying to keep my bags under my umbrella and out of the rain. Finally, I stopped under a tent, put everything down, took a deep breath and began to look around for my husband. Two rather sweet (haha) looking older ladies were walking into the fairgrounds and walked through the tent, past me. Ours eyes met and we exchanged smiles and hellos…then the first lady said to me, ‘you’d look like a young Judith Dench if you fixed your hair a little bit’…that took me by surprise but I did kinda take it as a compliment…then the second lady said, ‘your blouse is buttoned on the wrong button and it’s all crooked’! (What?! Who are these two women who I’ve never laid eyes on before! Didn’t they know I had been traipsing around in the rain for several hours?!) I looked down as my (over) blouse wasn’t buttoned at all and as she noticed that, she said, ‘oh, it’s not buttoned, you just have to pull it down in the back and straighten it out’. So, of course I did. They walked on, I just stood there staring, and I immediately thought of that Toni Morrison quote and yes, “judged” them to be critical faces instead of loving ones. I instantly became that little child trying to make my self presentable in public. Then I thought about how that quote applied to how I think about myself…when I ‘look’ at myself do I do so with a loving eye or a critical one…and often it is with a critical one. And they were just mirroring back what I was thinking about myself at that moment…that I must look a mess and boy did they tell me!…I gotta work on that…Here’s to us all blooming!

    • I love this story, and the fact that you saw your thoughts mirrored back to you …especially in the moment, Kathye!

  9. I love this story! I remember an old restaurant in Caracas where a hole was cut right through the roof so as to allow a gorgeous old tree to continue growing. I am thinking too of a favorite book – the Little Prince and his rosebush –

    “The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
    “You’re not at all like my rose,” he said.
    “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one.
    You’re like my fox when I first knew him.
    He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
    But I have made a friend, and now he’s unique in all the world.”
    And the roses were very much embarrassed.
    “You’re beautiful, but you’re empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you.
    To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you
    –the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she’s more important
    than all the hundreds of you other roses:
    because it is she that I have watered;
    because it is she that I have put under the glass globe;
    because it is for her that I’ve killed the caterpillars
    (except the two or three we saved to become butterflies);
    because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled,
    or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing.
    Because she is MY rose.”
    ― Antoine de St. Exupery

    Aren’t you glad Mary, that you and Jack spared the urge to prune? And now you’re being thanked with a bounty of roses! YOUR roses!

    • I am so glad that we didn’t prune! ..thank you Susan for this sweet story

    • You are so welcome Karen, …sending beautiful thoughts your way this evening

  10. Thank-you Mary for the love. Sending love right back at you also. The rose bush is awesome! It’s fun to let things be and see what develops. There’s love in that studio for sure. 🙂

    • There sure is love in there…I never thought of it that way before, but when Jack is out there working on his sculptures, he is in heaven…maybe that’s why the roses made their way inside, to be closer to him!

  11. That rose is not merely surviving; it’s mightily thriving; created it’s own perfect ‘green house’ environment; chose two wondrous souls willing to explore a new way of looking at the world. Perfecto!

    • Isn’t is wild and wonderful?!…..I could never have imagined this

  12. That beautiful wild rose bush was going to do what it needed to do, and go where it needed to grow, regardless of where it was “planted”….. A message for us all, thank you!

    • Sandy … I love your post! “do what it needed to do, and go where it needed to grow, regardless of where it was “planted” … perfect for me to remember. Thank you!

  13. Oh, I love this. I would like to recommend a video you might be glad to view. I recommend it because you are such a wonderful example of one who recognizes her dark side and strives to avoid projecting it onto others. This video (search for “KYMATICA – FULL LENGTH MOVIE” on YouTube), especially toward the last half discusses so clearly how the dark outside of ourselves in due to our refusal to (or fear of) recognizing the dark as being within. It is a very profound and powerful video – at least it is to me. Namaste.

  14. Thank you for such a beautiful post. The second-guessing, the replaying of the videos of the mind that zero in on our awkwardness and inadequacy, that keep us from seeing our authentic selves — it really is a choice to turn away from them. How wonderful about the roses — what a fabulous thing to share.

  15. I love the words, “burst into bloom” – especially as it refers to me/us/all. I agree that this is in my top five posts that can positively affect my life. Thanks for your wonderful insight and writing.

  16. Oh, Mary. I wanted to reply about this yesterday, but just couldn’t. Your blog subjects are so incredibly timely for me. I been working through the very painful loss of a relationship over the last 10 days. Yesterday was the first day I could start to see the situation as a blessing … or, really, more like a SHOVE to push me deeper into myself and start to identify MY needs, wants, desires … an opportunity to learn and grow in consciousness, understanding, knowledge and compassion. I never would have done any of this if I were still in that relationship. And then your post title “time to bloom” so PERFECTLY reflected the NOW for me. THANK YOU ♥♥♥

    • Thank you so much for sharing this Laurie…there is no greater pain (at least for me, and I think most of us) then that of a relationship ending. Sending you a hug across the miles tonight

  17. Lovely post, I agree. Time to grow in new directions. LIke a climbing, weaving roadside bush, all the flowers of our lives (our experiences) seem to intertwine when we’re ready for the next steps. Look for miracles, folks!

    • I will look for miracles Kathi…thank you for the reminder, have a beautiful evening

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