Welcome Home

Another cute picture of Eleanor under the rug
Another cute picture of Eleanor under the rug

A couple of days ago, Jack and I took a drive into the Adirondack Mountains, ate lunch at a sweet little bakery in North Creek, stopped by Nettle Meadow to buy a wheel of their incredible goat cheese, and ended our day by swimming in Lake George. As I write this, it sounds like such a lovely day; the kind of day that if I were reading about it, and it wasn’t actually my life, I would think, “How romantic. How idyllic.”

And it was a lovely day on the outside.

But my insides didn’t match up with the story. I just felt sort of jumpy, and nothing that we did changed my feelings or made me feel relaxed or soothed, even though every outside thing (company, restaurant, weather) was perfect. And on top of this, I was feeling upset with myself for feeling this way, and my mind was racing around trying to solve the mystery of my unhappy state, so even with the calm externals, I was very busy mentally.

Finally, as I sat on the sand at the edge of Lake George, watching Jack swim around, unable to figure out what was wrong with me, I said to myself, “There is calm and deep peace always inside me.” I repeated this several times and I could feel it begin to grow. It was so quick that it actually surprised me. All of that slightly irritable, not-quite-happy-where-I-was feeling, slipped away and was replaced by inner peace.

It was just so easy. I didn’t need to figure out why I was feeling the way I was, I just needed to call on a larger truth; one that I know is always there, but I don’t always feel,… and when I don’t feel it, I can tend to forget it, and when I forget it, I begin to run around trying to fix it/me, and then I am lost in a downward spiral of looking at everything as a problem to be solved, which is not the truth. There are no problems, just problematic ways of thinking.

The real you, the inner you, is pure, very pure. It’s loving and it’s magnanimous. It understands. It has patience. It is tolerant…it will wait forever while your ego trots all over everywhere trying to figure life out. It’s pleasing to remember that back home is a friend who’s waiting for you to stop being silly, who’s waiting to welcome you with open arms if and when you show up.” from The Secrets of Life, by Stuart Wilde

20 thoughts on “Welcome Home”

  1. I woke up this morning with the restless feeling . unhappy dreams? time to put her theory to work for the day.


  2. Darned if I don’t feel that way some days too Mary and can’t for the life of me figure out why. Now I know. Don’t bother. When I’m like this, it’s like I have ants in my pants and in my head crawling around making me feel unsettled, unfocused. I usually take myself off to the gym where some cardio work puts oxygen into my brain and settles me down as well. Instead, try reaching inward, downward, quiet my brain down, the egos such a pain in the butt…and your quote is perfect.
    SandyP in Canada

  3. Thank you for the Friday wisdom…i will take it into weekend…sometimes i just forget i’m ok…more ok than i have ever been in my life….the past was so chaotic that my frantic mind just immediately drifts there…

  4. Thank you for this message Mary…just what I needed to hear today. I am having company this weekend and my head has been spinning trying to make everything perfect. Trying to plan for everything and wishing I had one more day to “get ready”. I needed to be reminded that all is well…and enjoy the visit.

  5. Loved your post today, Mary. It really spoke to me and my recent anxiousness ~ too much to do, too much going on, never enough time. If I add that the reason I am behind is because I have been traveling (and had wonderful and enjoyable times) and have had company (again, all good), and an annual family vacation coming up which gets better each year… Lately I have been thinking I should be enjoying all this, it’s my life (which is a bit different and crazier than some), and all of it is good BUT why am I so anxious and stressed? Today I am going to embrace your post and just take a moment or two (or however many it takes) to find that inner peace. Each day is precious and not to be wasted on anything other than happiness, peace, and contentment. Thank you dear friend for showing the way to get that! Love and hugs to you, and Jack

  6. The picture of Eleanor is adorable! I enjoyed your blog so much and the wisdom it brings me. I am always trying to be more at peace with myself.
    Thank you Mary.

  7. I’m adding to the refrain: this was just what I needed today. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and the quote (and the photo). I think it often comes down to being present in the moment, rather than letting negative thoughts or feelings lead our minds somewhere else.

  8. I love that quote, “the ego trotting all over” – looking at sweet Eleanor tented in her safe cocoon; maybe she is telling us that we all have a safe chapel inside our hearts – and if it is always there, why don’t we pay a visit a little more often? In it resides our pure self, our original blessed self, – SandyP – also love the suggestion of moving our bodies, tiring ourselves out a bit aerobically – that should settle some of the bees buzzing around.

  9. I blame it on the full moon !! I spent a couple of days thinking that I misplaced my faith because I was feeling weepy and breathless….then my daughter laughed at me and basically told me to snap out of it. As she said,” you’re not Mother Theresa, you’re just making it up as you go along like everybody else.” True, true. Laughing about it made it easier to be just good enough.

    1. Great reply, Maud! Love your daughter’s practicality. Reminds us to stop being so hard on ourselves.

  10. Wonderful Mary. So many can identify. Your ego trots all over you and my punishing super ego frequently overtakes me, even in a lovely situation such as you were having. I have to go deep into myself and be honest with my feelings. These unpleasant waves come over me anyhow I’ve learned as a result of my upbringing. I’ve worked very hard on this with a great therapist in the past and can happily say “I’m happy with my life today. I deserve every pleasure that comes my way.”
    Have a great w/e. See you next week at the Bedlam open house I hope!

  11. Thank you Mary. I believe the carpet was made for dear Eleanor because it brings out her eyes. Thank you for this post.

    Yesterday was my day of anxiety. I attended a funeral for the mother of a high school classmate, a lovely lady who will be deeply missed. I sat with some classmates and suddenly felt very awkward like a poser who really had attended another high school but pretending to be their school chum. I didn’t feel as though I belonged with them. Afterwards I had a large cup of tea and drove home. As the tea had its effect I realized that it was all coming from me – I awoke much earlier than usual and drove a long distance without caffeine and was essentially in a fog. It’s nice to know that others have on occasion had a hard time identifying the good part of their souls. You are very generous to share these moments with us.

  12. Ah, beautiful. Thank you, Mary for this wonderful post. I love how you can admit that you had all these wonderful events happening and yet you were uneasy inside. You are so beautifully human and endearing. I, as always, adore your posts.

  13. Today, I try to replace worrying with wondering how that scenario in my head will work itself out. Lovely post , and following… 🙂

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