The way that Love looks…

My mother broke her leg several weeks ago, and she broke it right below the hip (that had been replaced) so she had a complicated surgery to repair both. The first night, after her fall and before they had even determined where she would be moved for the surgery (she was taken to a relatively small hospital the night of the fall), she kept saying, “I know that this happened for a reason.” She repeated it softly, like a mantra.

Over the past few weeks, there have been some miraculous healings in her life. Family relationships that were strained to the breaking point healed. People who barely spoke to each other, began working together for her (and as a by-product, their own) good. She was accepted by the surgeon of her choice, and got her number one pick for rehabilitation centers to go to. She has noticed these things too, and realized that her attitude was one of the major factors in the way things unfolded.

Before she left the hospital for rehab, a hospital representative visited her and asked her some questions about her stay. My mother said this, “I was here 5 years ago for a hip replacement and I didn’t have a good experience, but this time everyone has been helpful and kind and I must say that I have no complaints at all.” The woman started to say “That is wonderful….” but my mother put her hand up, stopping her, and continued, “The reason for the change is because I have changed. When I was in before, I was looking for what was wrong. Now I look for what is right. I’ve changed and so everything else has too.” The woman sort of smiled and looked around at us like maybe our mother was a little off her rocker. We all just smiled back, and when she left the room, my mother said, “I don’t think she understood what I was talking about.”

When I overhear someone say words like, “That should never have happened, It is just awful, I’ll never get over it, I’ll never forgive them, or any statement with that same tone, I always cringe a little. It’s not that whatever happened was an objectively good thing, but when something has happened, and it is done, holding the idea that it was/is a permanent wrong sets up a war inside us, and a roadblock to the gift that was hidden inside the event/circumstance.

As I was driving home the other evening from visiting my mother, Diana Krall was on the radio singing, “The Look of Love”. I’ve always liked that song but suddenly I found myself in tears as my mother’s face flashed into my mind. I’ve looked at her in many ways over the years, but it has been many years since I’ve felt pure Love (without sympathy, concern, or another lesser emotion mixed in).

Whatever happens in our lives, there is a gift for us in it, and each one of us must find this out for ourselves. No person can tell us what the gift is. It is our gift to unwrap and to marvel at.

All conditions and experiences that come to us do so for our benefit. Difficulties and obstacles will continue to come until we absorb their wisdom and gather from them the essentials of further growth.” pg 107 from The Master Key System by Charles F. Haanel (originally published in 1912)

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35 thoughts on “The way that Love looks…

  1. I firmly believe that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason, and we can either choose to accept it and grow, or not accept it, and stay stuck. Thanks for the post.

    • Thank you Mary….when I read it to Jack (before sending it out to the world), I started to get very emotional again…I can always tell that something needed to be said when I have that reaction….another example that we are indeed all connected!

  2. Beautiful post, Mary. I get what your mother was saying . How nice she didn’t let the past experience cloud the PRESENT one. Wisdom in action is a lovely thing, I will try to do better and remember to practice this . 🙂

  3. Such a beautiful and inspirational story to share Mary…one of reconnection, reconciliation, as much within ourselves as with others. And I love your connection to the music…I read a quote once that said “Music is what our emotions sound like”…laughter or tears and everything inbetween. So glad that your Mom and you are doing well. Sometimes when someone we love is ill or injured, we all heal…”piece by peace”.

  4. I could just give your mom a huge hug! This IS the biggest gift she could give herself and everyone around her! My dad was the darling of rehab, my mom spent years making herself and all around her very miserable. It was quite a painful study in differences. I choose to be the darling version. I could sing Oh Happy Day for you!!!!!!!

    • Oh thank you Janette…. “I choose to be the darling version”…now those are words to live by!

  5. This is a beautiful story!
    A miracle….miracles happen all the time….let them unfold and lift us!
    Creating that deep peace we all long for!
    MCP from Michigan’s Upper Peninsula

    • Thank you Mary Kay…by the way, I have a niece, Mary Muncil is her name too, that works (teaches yoga and dance) at Michigan Tech…maybe you are neighbors!?

  6. Mary, first of all, I’m glad that your mother has physically come through this challenge. Having an anesthetic at any age can be risky but in older age is always an uncertain fact. That your mother has opened up to a different thought process is wonderful for everyone but mostly for herself. I think of all the positive benefits I’ve received from White Feather Farm postings has been the reminder that there is more than one way of looking at things, such as last week, when twice you shifted me from my centre of thinking. Our reality is our reality but this is not to say that there are not other realities that we can be open to. This was brought home this morning in a discussion with my husband, whose daughter and he, suffer from depression and paranoia. He is able to shift into other focuses but she is not. The family, she feels, hates her but the fact is she offends people. Why? I feel she has a neurological disability and if understood or diagnosed, life for her and for everyone around her may be less challenging. But it brought home how ingrained towards the truth for each person is and how, if just one little shift to the left or right, we might all perceive things in a slightly different and beneficial manner for ourselves. Thanks for your spiritual and mental jogging, Mary. It’s a blessing in my life. Sandy P in southern Ont., Canada.

    • Thank you Sandy, as always, for your thoughtful and loving contributions to this community

  7. Please let your beautiful Mom know we are all rallying around her for a sure and steady recovery, and that her wonderful attitude has touched not only your family but rippled far and wide. This one’s being printed out and going right into my online WFF file as well. Thank you Mary.

  8. Beautiful post Mary and wonderful comments from the flock. Wishing your Mom well in her recovery and love hearing her heartwarming comment to the nurse.
    Myrna in Virginia

  9. Beautiful post Mary. Thank you! Everything you said is so true! I had an accident two years ago from racing in a sled dog race. I had hit my head and had to have brain surgery to release the bleeding. I had a 15% chance of making it. I had a tough relationship with my middle daughter, we didn’t talk much, after the surgery we became so close, our relationship is wonderful, we talk twice a day now. It was something I prayed about for many years. I am thankful for accident and surgery because really good things came from it. It changed the way I look at everything in my life. It helped me slow down too.

    Maggie in Wisconson

  10. Thank you for the wonderful post, Mary. It brought me to tears. I’m so glad that your mother is doing well. What an example of having a positive outlook and outcome!!

  11. How wonderful to share in this re-birth of attitude, Mary. Your Mom, like you, is a shining example of the benefits that come when we “change our minds.”

    My sweet Pooch is undergoing surgery this Monday for a possible malignant tumor on his paw. I was bemoaning the whole thing and then I read your post. Now I’m looking for the reason behind this and it has brought me to a place of deep appreciation for the gift Pooch is. I thought I couldn’t love him more…but I do.

    Thanks for your post today. As so often happens, you help me remember what I already knew.

    • Oh yes, Suzanne, I join Myrna in this moment, sending so many loving arms and pats all around your precious Pooch, – may he receive all of our love into his little paw, , xoxoxoxoxo

    • You and Pooch are in all our thoughts. How I remember the postings of when you were deciding about the adoption. We’ve been with you both all the way and will continue to do so.

    • I feel like Pooch is a part of our White Feather Farm family Suzanne. We’ve loved being a part of his (and your) story of finding each other, and will hold you (and him) in prayer and thoughts for healing and happiness as you continue your journey together.

  12. Thank you! Pls pass my thanks on to ‘Mom’ too. I am facing a difficult surgery in a month & hope I can reflect on this blog post to stay positive with less anxiety as the days near and during my recup. I am a long time reader/only replied 1x in the past so you gotta know this one touched my soul! )….thanks from a silent reader!

    • You know you now have the group’s love and caring as you approach your new lessons. This post meant a great deal to me also. The wings of the flock will be enfolding you.

    • Dear Dawn,
      I’m so glad that you did comment and you are invited to comment at any time, letting us know what day your surgery is (if you would like to), so that we may hold you in our prayers (there are also some members who are part of prayer circles, and I know that they would be delighted to include you, if you choose)
      Much love to you,
      Mary

    • Dawn, we will all be ‘with’ you during your time of surgery and recup. We may all be unseen, but we carry love very well to those in need. Be well, be happy.

  13. Powerful post, happy tears ARE special… thanks Mary…

    healthy days to your Mom and her “new spirit”…

  14. Love and laughs with your Mom Mary ! So sorry about her accident. Godspeed her recovery.
    Thinking of Pooch Suzanne T. I know how you must feel. Faith and peace to you, Cindy

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