I called my father several weeks ago, and his voice sounded off. He said that he had a cold and felt terrible so he’d call when he was feeling better. I week passed, without hearing from him, so I called again, and again he said that he’d call when he was feeling better, but he hasn’t. His wife is a very good care taker, so it’s not a case of him being all alone and needing my help, and he isn’t asking for my help, at all.
As I was falling asleep last night, several thoughts/questions went through my mind about him. “He is 88 years old, maybe I should be a little more insistent about talking with him and checking in”. The next thought was “Why? Just because he is 88? Why are you (Mary) having a hard time respecting his wishes just because he is elderly?”
He told me what he wanted: to call me when he was feeling better (when he felt like it). So would my call really be for him, or would it be for myself, so I could feel better? I knew the answer, and as I looked at it like that, I could feel that pushing my will was selfish and self-centered. I opted to hold him in my heart as I fell asleep, imagining his smiling face, and I felt peace.
He is under no obligation to call me, and if I am worried then that is truly my problem. Worry is never helpful. It exhausts us, and feels terrible when we are the recipients (energetically) of another person’s worry. I love my father, and today I’m choosing to show him that love by respecting his wishes. Sometimes life is so easy, and the direction that I have been given is so clear, that I miss it,… thinking that I know better.
“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry.” Mahatma Gandhi