Possibly one of the hardest things for me to accept in life is that the timing of things is pretty much out of my control, and often not even something that I can see. If things don’t seem to be happening within what I feel is an acceptable timeframe, I’ve noticed that my faith (that all is working for good and that I am a part of the harmonious flow of the universe and that everything is working for me, and thus for others) starts to wear pitifully thin, and what comes forward isn’t very appealing; self-doubt, discouraged thoughts, anger, resignation, feelings of isolation, frustration, condemnation of myself.
What I’ve also come to see is this: faith that depends on events in my life making sense, and on my sense of being in control, isn’t really faith at all.
Active faith is expectant faith. For me, it means getting up everyday (whether I feel like it or not) with the attitude that I am ready to be delighted and surprised by life’s gifts; those which will be bestowed on me, and those which I will be the bestower of. It doesn’t matter if apparently nothing has happened to move my life along (in the direction that I want it to go). I still get up expecting good. This is active faith….and it is something that I need to be aware of and work on, almost everyday. To me, this is the most important part of getting ready for the day.
Yesterday as I drove to meet a colleague for lunch, I was feeling off, wondering if I was doing enough to move my life forward. I began to say things like, “My opening may not come today, but I will still be ready for it, because it might. I may have encountered 99 closed doors in a row, but the next one could be the one that opens, and I want to be ready to step through”. I felt better and better as I drove along thinking this way.
At lunch, she presented an idea that was so exciting (for both of us) that we were flooded with goosebumps. As we talked about how to approach this project we could feel the perfect timing…like everything clicked. All the pieces had been there, for several years, but things had to be worked out (in our separate lives) for us to be at this point, at this time. If I hadn’t worked on my attitude on my way over to meet her yesterday, would this opportunity have presented itself? I don’t know. Maybe. But would I have heard it? I also wonder if she would have been excited to work with me if I’d been in a bad space emotionally.
I don’t wake up every day feeling like I’m on top of the world. I don’t have a faith that works even when I have a crappy attitude. I still need to work, everyday, on feeling (inside) the way that I want to live; open, loving, accepting, peaceful….but I do it, even when it isn’t easy, even when I don’t feel like it, because I want to be ready in body, mind and spirit to embrace this new day, and all of the (yet unseen) gifts and miracles waiting to present themselves.
“Miracles come in moments. Be ready….” Wayne Dyer