blameless

Noah and Esther napping together

Noah and Esther napping together

I’ve known, for such a long time, that no matter what happens in my life, it all ultimately comes back to me and to my perception of any given situation. But sometimes this just ticks me off. It really means that there is never anyone to blame, …but there are times that I would really like to blame “them”, damn it!

For years, I felt that if someone treated me in a way that was less-than I would’ve liked, I secretly (or openly) blamed them for being inconsiderate, mean, unconscious, or whatever else I could think of that would take the focus off myself. As I began to awaken to a higher consciousness, I realized that thinking an unloving thought was not helpful. Criticising, condemning, and  judging, ultimately didn’t make me feel better, so I tried to “love them”. This  flipped me from thinking/feeling, “they are wrong” to “I am wrong for feeling this way. I need to be more loving….damn it!” Blame them or blame myself…it was the same trap.

What I didn’t know was that self-love (or the lack thereof) was really at the root of the situation/conflict. I didn’t know that I couldn’t even begin to love another when I was sinking in self-hatred, doubt, and loathing.

Eventually, I began to see that every time an unpleasant situation arose, it was a signal from my higher-self for more love, more self-love, and I found that when I remembered this, the situation and my feelings about it changed. Quickly.

It is futile to try to get others to love me. They might be in a bad mood and say something hurtful, and if I either believe them or blame them, I’m stuck in their (temporarily unhappy) version of life or of me. There is a better way.

I ran into a woman the other day who gave me such a dirty look that I felt my whole body pull back as if I had been hit. My first reaction was, “What did I do?”…this thought did not make me feel better.

A few minutes after I saw her, I thought, “This situation calls for more love. More self-love”, and I began to tell myself how much I appreciated who I was in this lifetime. As I sat there, quietly contemplating my finer qualities, I felt peace flood though me, a peace that I can still feel when I think of that moment.

Today is a wonderful day to let go of the old, worn out concepts of yourself. Today is the day to begin to feel who you really are; a magnificent point of God-consciousness…the incarnation of Love itself.

“The concept of self-love is not easy to grasp, but think about it in terms of vibration and resonance: without your own positive vibration, you will be unable to help others vibrate. Simply put, it is impossible to love another unless you can first love yourself. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let’s say that there’s a 440-hertz tuning fork. If it’s just standing there, there’s not enough vibration to be audible by the human ear. But if you sing ‘Ah!’ at this level the tuning fork will begin to vibrate. By sharing your vibration, you have restored the tuning fork–you have brought it back to life through an act of sharing.

In this case, we might even say that the act of singing ‘Ah’ is a loving act. Each one of us has an important responsibility to give love in the way only a human can….But to give energy to the world around us, we must first have the energy within you. You can’t give someone something that you don’t already have. So to have love in your life, begin by respecting, appreciating and caring for yourself.” pg 101-102 The Miracle of Water by Masaru Emoto

 

12 thoughts on “blameless

  1. Dear Mary, your words this morning are like a soothing balm to my soul. Thank you for your ever-present and always poignant messages of hope and love. You make such a difference in my life and I am grateful for your blog and for who you are.

  2. I am so overwhelmed by the gift of this site (which was sent to me by my very best friend of 60 years), that I find it difficult to not cry. To say thank you seems so small. I will say thank you for never giving up on your gift from God and for struggling to get where you are for the benefit of sharing your soul with all of us because my soul is parched and I really need this gift. God bless you abundantly, sincerely from my heart.

  3. JUST what I needed to read and contemplate at this point in time, Mary.
    I am still too quick to take offense over real or imagined slights and I know it’s because of my own insecurities about myself.

    I’ve still got lots of work to do. You are showing me the way.

  4. Well, just yesterday I was shaken to the core with a hurt that repeats itself often in my life. Yet there is nothing that will change the situation…. Except… Exactly what you wrote about today, Mary. It is so amazing how the lack of self esteem can color our lives, not only our relationships with others but also how it can so painfully inflict us. What you brought out so well was that at that moment of distress , when we want to heap blame on someone (or ourselves), it is right then and there that we could chose to recognize that the situation “calls for love. More self love. ” That is the exact time to give our selves the affirmation we need to keep things in perspective. The quote was a beautiful thought: that our self love is a kind of energy we send out , and that energy will bring out the corresponding vibration from the lives around us. But first we have to have it within ourselves to give.
    Reading your missive made me pick up myself inch by inch this morning , and really vow to look for the opportunities (which will surely come!) to calm my hurt and react in another way. You put it in such a way that I can understand and will try to remember. Perhaps those vibrational energies that return to us will start to feel like an orchestra.

  5. As much as Mary’s posting is insightful and thought provoking, the comments add another dimension for me in how we each experience the posting. I wonder, too, if in remembering past hurts, if our minds are still trying to make sense out of what happened to us rather than the fact that we are holding onto the fact that it did happen. I know that when I understand or have some comprehension of an experience which has brought me much emotional pain, then I am more able to accept it. My mind is able to reason it out. Blame is so easy to reach for and like Mary’s reaction and Suzanne’s feelings, I automatically wonder what I did to cause something, that it must be me that someone is treating me in a particular manner. I wonder that some past hurts never really leave us when they are of great importance to us but in trying to accept the other person with love, it lessens the pain for us and allows for release. I’ve learned that some things can never be repaired even if we are open to them, it may not be the other person’s intention or place in their lives to do so. Love, in the end, is all we have. It allows for acceptance.

    Reading an article by Joshua duBois this morning on Pontius Pilate and the crucifixion of Jesus, it is a wonder that we have spent so many years as humans being stuck in the same behaviours of centuries ago. We are likely intellectually the most advanced of living species yet emotionally, we appear not to evolve in the same manner and speed as we have intellectually and industrially. We seem spiritually deprived as humans and I wonder why.
    Sandy P in Canada on what is Easter Sunday for many.

    • Sandy,
      I do believe that you should be starting a blog of your own. Your shared insights are deep, to the point and meaningful. Thanks for an excellent sharing.

      • Thank you Suzanne, but my inspiration comes not from within, but from Mary’s insightful words. As Mary Lou and others here have said before and now, this is where I come to spiritually centre myself.

        If I wrote a book, it might be the truth of what running a B&B is really like. And then, I’d be out of business the next day (smiling).
        SandyP

  6. There was a time in my life when I felt that emotional kick to my gut, that I very well might have gone to the person and sheepishly and subserviently asked “did I do something wrong?” or “are you mad at me?”…that little girl inside of me who always wants to please, to be accepted, and to not disappoint. Then one day, someone I love dearly, said to me, ‘you know, Kathye, it’s not always about you’.
    And I realized that I was letting my ego take over and indeed, it wasn’t always about me! But I was making it about ME. We are each responsible for our attitude and energy. And who knows what that “other” person may be dealing with or going through. I try very hard now to always lead with my heart…to live and act with good intention…and if I feel an emotional hit, I trust myself enough to know who I am…to forgive my negative thought…and bless and release the other…it doesn’t always feel natural, or easy…it’s like a growing pain…getting me to where I want to be.

    Happy Easter and happy Spring! XOXO

  7. Thank you for your beautiful words. I love the food for thought I receive from your blog and the awareness it brings to my life.

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