A number of years ago, I ran into an old high school friend and noticed something about myself. As we were greeting each other, I had the urge to apologize for not keeping in touch. I didn’t voice this to her, but instead felt an uncomfortable, and very familiar, feeling of guilt that I had done (or didn’t do) something.
Later that evening, I really looked at this and questioned myself. Why was I feeling the need to apologize? She hadn’t contacted me either, but I didn’t think that she had any reason to apologize. And it wasn’t just her. I suddenly saw that I carried around, deep inside of me, a feeling that I wasn’t enough; that I owed something to almost everyone who I was (or had been) close to.
I could dig into my background and see the reasons for these thoughts about myself, but I knew that it still wouldn’t change my feelings.
What did change me was the revelation that I didn’t owe anybody anything more than I owed myself: love and respect. I also came to see that I had to feel this way about myself first. If I felt like a lowly worm, unworthy of love, attention, and respect, then I would always feel the urge to apologize for my less-than self.
Most of us didn’t grow up with the knowledge that we were points of Divine Consciousness. This greater part of ourselves, which is our most intimate heart, was generally overlooked, ignored or misunderstood. But we are waking up now, and beginning to realize how much more we really are than these flesh and blood bodies. The only way to change our lives is to work with our minds, so that is what I did.
I began to repeat this affirmation, “All of my debts are paid. I am free. I am perfect.” As I said this to myself, I also realized that anyone I was still holding accountable (who I thought owed me something) had to be released too, and I would pull them up (one by one) in my mind and say, “You owe me nothing. You are free. You are perfect.”
We are all connected, all parts of the Spirit of the Universe. When I free myself and let myself out of the prison of self-doubt, lack and limitation, I help everyone else. And by the same “spiritual law”, I cannot condemn others, without condemning myself. I am, you are, as important, powerful, and significant as every other person in this tapestry of life. I have my part to do, and that is simply to listen to the voice of Love and follow it. I am not powerless to change my life (or even the world) but I must start with me. When I change my mind, I change my world…and everyone benefits, whether they know it or not!
“Why stand we here trembling around calling on God for help and not ourselves in whom God dwells?” William Blake