Debt-free living

Nap time for Bodhi

Nap time for Bodhi

A number of years ago, I ran into an old high school friend and noticed something about myself. As we were greeting each other, I had the urge to apologize for not keeping in touch. I didn’t voice this to her, but instead felt an uncomfortable, and very familiar, feeling of guilt that I had done (or didn’t do) something.

Later that evening, I really looked at this and questioned myself. Why was I feeling the need to apologize? She hadn’t contacted me either, but I didn’t think that she had any reason to apologize. And it wasn’t just her. I suddenly saw that I carried around, deep inside of me, a feeling that I wasn’t enough; that I owed something to almost everyone who I was (or had been) close to.

I could dig into my background and see the reasons for these thoughts about myself, but I knew that it still wouldn’t change my feelings.

What did change me was the revelation that I didn’t owe anybody anything more than I owed myself: love and respect. I also came to see that I had to feel this way about myself first. If I felt like a lowly worm, unworthy of love, attention, and respect, then I would always feel the urge to apologize for my less-than self.

Most of us didn’t grow up with the knowledge that we were points of Divine Consciousness. This greater part of ourselves, which is our most intimate heart, was generally overlooked, ignored or misunderstood. But we are waking up now, and beginning to realize how much more we really are than these flesh and blood bodies. The only way to change our lives is to work with our minds, so that is what I did.

I began to repeat this affirmation, “All of my debts are paid. I am free. I am perfect.” As I said this to myself, I also realized that anyone I was still holding accountable (who I thought owed me something) had to be released too, and I would pull them up (one by one) in my mind and say, “You owe me nothing. You are free. You are perfect.”

We are all connected, all parts of the Spirit of the Universe. When I  free myself and let myself out of the prison of self-doubt, lack and limitation, I help everyone else. And by the same “spiritual law”, I cannot condemn others, without condemning myself. I am, you are, as important, powerful, and significant as every other person in this tapestry of life. I have my part to do, and that is simply to listen to the voice of Love and follow it. I am not powerless to change my life (or even the world) but I must start with me. When I change my mind, I change my world…and everyone benefits, whether they know it or not!

Why stand we here trembling around calling on God for help and not ourselves in whom God dwells?” William Blake

 

17 thoughts on “Debt-free living

  1. I need to copy this out…so spot on Mary…i have already spent too many years like this…holding in and holding on…love the Blake quote…

  2. Dear Mary, thank you for this lovely message! Forgiveness and love of self is one of the most powerful (if not THE most powerful) lessons I’ve come here to learn this life…..thank you for your always uplifting and mindful reminders of this.

  3. What a powerful message to start this week, Mary. “I am debt free”, – living in gratitude, forgiving others of whatever offense or debt that has clung to me like a second skin for way too long. Shedding myself of the impulse to say “sorry” when I have done nothing wrong. (Have you ever noticed this is a trait so common to women? You bump into someone in the store and instead of a simple, “excuse me”, we say “sorry!!!”) I feel lighter already – this message follows on the heels of Easter Sunday. This is indeed, the Good News Mary!

    • Susan, this is so true. When a woman bumps into me and says “Sorry” I always stop her and say: “Women apologize far too much. I am as much responsible for bumping into you as you into me, so please don’t say ‘sorry’…” and you know they smile, we stop and have a brief conversation, it strikes a common chord amongst women….Men don’t usually feel apologetic in situations like this…why do we women feel the need to say ‘sorry’ so much?
      SandyP in Canada

  4.  Happy Good Morning,   ….from rainy Cincinnati…following a couple days of near 80 degrees…we lie in wait for tornadoe weather…but not to fear….read the enclosed lovely sentiment and enjoy the animal friend.   Love, Kassie and the Stanley Avenue Cats

  5. Love this quote from Blake and of course today’s message ~ so very freeing! Today, and every day, I will change my mind and change my world ❤️❤️❤️

  6. Your message today made me think of how l feel when people tell me, oh, l’m so sorry for not writing/for not calling, etc. – my response feeling is usually, please, don’t make me feel bad for causing you this ‘guilt trip’, let’s just enjoy this moment.
    Your words back up my sentiment that I’d rather people were happy to see me, or finally write to me, when they do, rather than apologising for something that l’m not sure needs apologising. Hmmm, this is more complicated than l thought when l started this comment….

  7. Thank you, Mary, for your reflection with which I too can identify. It’s so freeing when we recognize how we can choose to do it different–as we grow in awareness. My own “waking up” has been greatly helped by my amazing cat, Bella, –black, bouncy and beautiful– who has taught me so much, but especially the value of stillness, balanced with play.Today my heart is heavy and my home feeling really empty because, I had to make the decision to “let her go” yesterday, 4/27. She was born on Valentine day, ’03 and “gifted” to me on 4/28. My life changed drastically to accommodate Bella but the joy she gave me is beyond description. So, the pain of this decision has left a big crack in my heart–a heart overflowing with gratitude that she was loaned to me for these eleven years.

    • Dear Helen, so many animal lovers here at White Feather Farm extending to you a huge hug from the flock – may the sadness you feel in these difficult first days be lifted a bit knowing that the forever memories of joy and companionship with Bella will be with you always.

    • Helen there are never any words that help ease the pain of having to make a decision to end an animal’s life and yet, when humans suffer so towards the end of their lives, how much, I wonder, might we wish to end their suffering as we are allowed to do with our beloved pets.
      SandyP in Canada

  8. Susan, thank you for the huge hug–I feel it and find it to be a real comfort. I do cherish a zillion memories of my beloved Bella, many of which warm my heart and make me smile.

    • Helen I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat. There is something so poignant still about losing a furry, sweet companion. Sending a hug along with the many caring others who want to comfort you at this time.

    • Bella Be Ever Beside You

      No well deep enough
      No sky wide enough
      To fill the void
      When we lose a soul mate.

      Wishing you stillness and peace.

  9. I too love the Blake quote and your thoughts about living free of guilt .. Something that easily slips into my speach, my thoughts , why- I don’t even know. But the last paragraph you wrote- well – it is such a thoughtful, powerful guide as to how to quell those tendencies. This is a paragraph I’ll reread many times. How true, that in refraining from introducing guilt- laden sentiments we help the other person to enjoy the conversation. It allows us to pick up – and leave on a high note. And may we all feel free to take a comfy , guiltless nap like Bodhi knows how to do !

  10. “Most of us didn’t grow up with the knowledge that we were points of Divine Consciousness.”

    I sat with that idea for quite a while. And pondered how incredibly different the world around us would be. I think I’ll stay here a bit longer, waking with every opportunity I can find. Debt-free and perfect sounds wonderful.

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