A few months ago, I became a board member of a group that I’ve belonged to for about a year. I have never wanted to be on any kind of board before, and was totally surprised when I wanted to be on this one. Many years ago, I was asked to be on the board of an organization, and said yes for two reasons: the first was I thought it would be prestigious (good on my resume and all that nonsense) and second, I thought I should. I disliked it so much that I quit after 3 months. Then I felt guilty.
Back in April, when the vacancy was announced for this current board position, the feeling of “I want to do it!” flooded me. As I approached the president to put my name in, a little voice inside my head was also saying, “You don’t have enough time to do this. What if you get elected and then you don’t like it? What if they don’t elect you and then you feel resentful? What if ….” on and on it chattered away as I made my way forward.
My first meeting as an official board member happened this week. It involved a 3 hour drive (one way) to meet in an upstairs room of an old library (turned into a museum). It was 85 degrees outside, with no air conditioning inside, and I loved every minute of it. I sat at the table with six other people and thought, “I really like every one of these people”. They were fun, funny, serious, relaxed, focused, open to ideas…everything that, for me, makes life wonderful.
There are things that I am finding out I want to do (that I never did before) and other things that I was sure I would want to do forever, that no longer speak to me. A few years ago, I did a ropes course (high up in the trees of the Adirondack mountains) and loved it so much that I almost bought a season’s pass. For the next few years, I did it many times. Then a few months ago, I did it with a friend and half way through I thought, “I don’t think I’ll ever do this again.” It just felt done, and I have come to trust this inner voice of No, as much as I trust the inner voice that says, Yes…and neither need to make sense to my “little chatter box” mind.
What will the world present today for me/you to love, and to say yes to? I love that thought.
“No work or love will flourish out of guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart, just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now“. Alan Watts