If you want a new world, ask a new question

A New World Today

A New World Today*

I’ve had the chance to spend some time with someone lately who seems to dislike me….quite a bit. I’ve heard a lot of people say things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, or similar statements, but this isn’t my experience. I do care what people think about me, even though I know (deep down) that it isn’t any of my business, and even though I cannot change what other people think, there is still a part of me that wants everyone to like me, even if I don’t really like them.

So I found myself asking the futile question, “Why doesn’t he like me?” and my ego was happy to oblige me with many reasons, and I was still left, in the end, feeling bad. None of the things my mind came up with felt right. So I asked myself another question, “Do I really like him?” and the answer was yes, which meant I had to keep looking for the reason for my inner discomfort.

Once I was able to get a little distance from the emotional rat’s nest (that my mind had become trying to figure him out) I saw the answer and knew it was the truth because I felt a deep sense of relief: I really like this person, I really don’t like me around this person. I don’t like who I become around him. I try too hard to impress him. I try too hard to make him like me. I try too hard…..and so the relationship feels difficult…because I am not at ease within myself.

This isn’t a new revelation. I know about enough about projection, and the psychological theories of human relationships and the ego, to fill an ocean. But I still get caught in the trap of thinking that something or someone outside of me can make me feel a certain way….and when I do that, I am lost. So where to go? Back to myself. What I am thinking?  The answer is always there.

“When a thought hurts, that’s the signal that it isn’t true.” Byron Katie

* this new painting and several others are for sale on the MY ARTWORK PAGE (feel free to email me with any questions, mmuncil@verizon.net)

10 thoughts on “If you want a new world, ask a new question

  1. You are a godsend Mary. You share so many words of wisdom that inspire me and direct me back to the only solution…looking within. I can’t thank you enough for being so honest and sharing exactly where you are each day instead of trying to “look good”. – a fellow traveler on the road of life 🙂

  2. Another post that is so meaningful. I guess – it’s all about “us!” We think it’s “them” – Great wake up call for this morning.

    Off subject — I wanted to share something from a week or so ago. Mary Muncil had shared a quote from “A New Earth” and I added a couple of links….. One of the links only gave one week of Oprah’s webinars. Here is a new link that will allow you to listen to all ten weeks of Oprah and Eckhart’s webinar. I have been listening to them on my walks, re-reading the book and listening to Elizabeth Lesser’s discussions for the After Class. It’s been interesting for me to see how much more meaningful this is a few after the presentations. I’m definitely at a different place and can take in so much more.

  3. Dear Mary, great insight today! I too have been pondering a relationship with someone (who I don’t see anymore,but with whom I had a very challenging relationship). And I realize that throughout the entire time I knew her, I was always trying to impress…never really feeling comfortable in my own skin. I too (like you described) didn’t like the type of person I forced myself to become when I was around her, even though I kept trying to make things more comfortable….trying to force the relationship to work somehow. It can be a refreshing (albeit sometimes uncomfortable) realization when we remember that divine love is always guiding us inward, towards the love that dwells in our own hearts…and that we are really just fine the way we are when we only open ourselves to that love.

  4. Thank you for sharing your struggle with not feeling enough around certain people. I will hang on to your words to recognize when I am trying too hard to please another and return to the knowing I am enough just the way I am. No more giving up who I am in order to please the judgements of other people!

  5. The same is going on with me Mary. Thanks for your insight and honesty. I hope what is meant to be will be. Have a good w/e! Cindy

  6. Been there, done that, not proud of myself, my own insecurity in a relationship with step-children placed me in a frame of mind that was full of anxiety. Only when I terminated it was I able to look back and see how much of my discomfort was from my own self and chosen behaviour. It didn’t feel good and I didn’t feel good about myself. Wouldn’t do it again but sometimes you have to go through things to realize just what was going on with yourself. Good post, Mary,
    SandyP in Canada

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