a perfect life

“There is no need for you to leave the house. Stay at your table and listen. Don’t even listen, just wait. Don’t even wait, be completely quiet and alone. The world will offer itself to you to be unmasked; it can’t do otherwise; in raptures it will writhe before you.” Franz Kafka

The earliest memories that I have of myself are ones of me trying to figure out how to make things happen; how to get something that I wanted, or not lose something/someone that I thought I had. In high school that search involved “getting” friends, boyfriends, alcohol, drugs, money, cigarettes, popularity, a car, a better figure (less fat)… It didn’t really matter what the thing was, the energy that I had around “it” was pretty much the same. It was as if I attacked life thinking I needed to wrestle what I wanted away from it. Living was a battle. Sometimes it was what I considered to be a virtuous battle; when it involved getting something for someone else, or it could be a selfish battle, but struggle was at the heart of it…always.

Back then, I don’t think I could have grasped the concept that life unfolds perfectly and that everything I needed (and this includes ideas, people, the right work, money, cars, inspiration, loving friendships…) comes to me in perfect, exquisite, timing. Maybe I would’ve believed this, but nobody I knew was talking about it and frankly, I liked action. I was someone who would walk a half hour out of my way, instead of waiting in line for 15 minutes. It was the standing still that I couldn’t tolerate, the apparent doing nothing that seemed like a waste of time. My mind was so busy trying to figure out how to make something happen, it didn’t have space to hear, see, or sense, that the thing I wanted was either already here, on its way, or possibly even something that I didn’t, deep down, want.

I also felt quite proud of the fact that (I thought) I could make most things happen. I believed in will power (at least my own). But a few years ago, this began to change. The words, “You are not doing this, Mary” started to repeat themselves in my head, so of course, I wrestled with them, trying to figure out what they meant. There can be just as much striving, struggling, and grasping, with things that are labeled as “spiritual” as those that are considered “material”…I’ve come to see that there is no difference. If I’m struggling to achieve enlightenment, inner peace, or happiness, then it is still my ego (even if it is sitting in the lotus position) trying to become something or someone it thinks it isn’t.

But eventually I stopped struggling (as much) with the concept that all of life is happening for me, that everything is unfolding perfectly, and that all of my needs are met, and I began to simply observe this spiritual truth. And the more that I observed it, the more I woke up, and began to see how harmonious life was. Years ago, I heard a teacher say, “The sense of struggle creates the struggle” and I didn’t understand this at all….but now I do, now I notice when I begin to worry and fight with life (people, places, and situations) in my mind and most of the time, all I need is a gentle reminder like the words, “All is well, or This is working out perfectly, even if you don’t understand how” to bring me back to center. Sometimes I’ll ask myself the question, “If I refused to worry about this, I wonder what would happen?”

So this might be something you would like to consider too. What if you believed that everything you needed/wanted was here or on its way into your life; that it could not be late, that you couldn’t miss it and the only thing you needed to do was to relax into this knowing. For me, I had to prove this for myself. I had to take it on blind faith that it was a spiritual truth and then I had to be open enough to see if it was Truth. I can tell you that it is, but the only way to move from knowing to Knowing is to walk it out yourself.

I invite you to walk this path with me today. If you try it, you will never be the same.


One of my new paintings (for sale on my artwork page)



15 thoughts on “a perfect life

  1. So many many great things to contemplate in this post. This is the first one that jumped out for me – “If I refused to worry about this, I wonder what would happen?”

    Such a powerful, yet simple statement — one of those where one says “I never looked at it that way.”

    I also LOVED you new photo on Facebook with your beautiful/handsome grandson. You are looking pretty darn good also.

    Thanks also for the winter snowflakes.

  2. Hi, Mary — Another wonderful post — thank you! I especially love the line: “…the only way to move from knowing to Knowing is to walk it out yourself.” And I am inspired by your “Peace nest”, too. With love and gratitude, Ann

  3. Mary, this, indeed, has a power to it that hit me where I needed it most….my ‘monkey mind.’

    I am old enough now to have reached the point where I am actually able to stop myself and assess a situation, and ask if it’s something I want to agonize over. It has taken me 7 decades to see that 95% of the stuff I freaked out over never came to pass. I want to love living….not live in fear and angst. You spoke so well to this today.

  4. This post came to me at the perfect time, and it was just what i needed to hear today. Case in point Mary. Thanks xi

  5. For me, Mary, there is this deepening of journey, much of what you have articulated in today’s post is also true for me. For the last several months your postings have brought comfort and connection in my inner, and sometimes outer universes. Thanks for the invitation to “walk it out myself,” along with you and others. Very awe-sum!

  6. and I forgot to mention the snowflakes…thank you. I am not on facebook, perhaps you might post of pic of you and the grandson some time soon.

  7. Hi Mary. . . I reallyloved your words today.. and i will try to walk this path with you.

    Has “Peace” sold yet? if not, I’d love to have it. sending you a warm hug, veronica in california

  8. Mary, this is a wonderful post. It is the ego taking control. I fight it all the time. Life would be so much more restful if I managed to get my ego to take a hike…never seems to happen though. Darned thing just keeps popping up on me all the time, And I love the snowflakes too…just glad they’re here on the screen and not outside my studio window…not yet.
    Sandy P in Canada

  9. I’ve basked in the wisdom and light and beauty of this post for two days…such a fundamental Truth…always…but especially when we stay open to allowing and acknowledging that our life is
    indeed ‘perfect’, when at any given moment, on the surface, it may seem less so. “Relaxing into
    this knowing” is so powerful…peaceful…soothing…Thank you Mary.

  10. I am late to this post Mary, and just wanted to say how much this resonates in my heart. I have a tendency to worry a thing to death and have started to let go just a little. Thank you so much for your continued presence and words.

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