Just this morning, I had a conversation with someone who told me that a person we both knew made a very disparaging comment about me. My first reaction was somewhat defensive, although I didn’t fully voice what I was thinking because I’ve learned that if some apparently negative thing is in my life, then it is for me….even when it feels awful.
However, my mind did jump to the thought, “Why today!? I had just made a resolution to really step into a life of non-fear, non-judgement, and higher thought and now I have to deal with this.” And then another part of me, the deeper, calmer, more connected part, recognized the situation for what it was; a reflection of my own mind. So, this guy talked about me? Guess what? I’ve talked about him too, and what I said was none too nice either. If I really want to see myself clearly then I can never dismiss the situations, comments, or information that comes to me. It is always pointing me back to myself, and the bigger the emotional charge I get, the more it is telling me that I have some aspect of this hidden inside, underneath, or around, the very thing that I am upset about. Basically, if I am angry that someone is doing something to me, then I can be sure that I am doing the same thing somewhere in my life, either to them, to myself or to someone else.
When I woke up this morning, after having a wonderful dream that Meryl Streep was handing me large pieces of delicious chocolate cake with lemon frosting (if any of you out there interpret dreams, I’d love your feedback on that one!) I didn’t have a real focus for writing a post, and thought about doing some light-weight entry like, “Let’s all begin this new year by being present….blah, blah..” Not that being present isn’t the thing to do, but I really like to write about what feels real to me and I don’t enjoy platitudes and I don’t want to hide from myself any longer.
So my question today isn’t, “Why did he say that?” it is, “Am I ready to really stop talking/thinking negatively about people? Even if I feel upset by them? Even if I don’t particularly care for them? Even if they don’t like me and they voice that? Even if there is something burning inside that I am thinking, and want to say so bad that I feel like I’ll explode if I don’t?”
And my answer is “Yes. I am”. There really is no other place to go. I’ve come a long way in this area of life, but the conversation this morning showed me that I still have more to do or even better stated, I have less negative talking, thinking, and acting to do. I truly believe that we are all perfect underneath the shell, crust, and film, that has sort of built up around us as we live this human existence. I am starting to see that we don’t have to do anything to be great, we just have to stop doing un-great things.
So in this new year, I resolve to stop doing un-great things, to be easy on myself when I find myself doing un-great things, and to be easy on others who are doing un-great things too.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy, fun, delightful, amazing, prosperous, and great 2015!
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”Eleanor Roosevelt