teacher recognition day

Jack sharred his spaghetti with a grateful friend

Jack shared his spaghetti with a grateful friend

We’ve all heard the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”, and I believe this. I’ve also come to see that we ourselves, are both the student and the teacher. When I really want an answer to any situation that seems to be troubling, or beyond my understanding, the answer is already there. The solution to the “problem” that I am struggling with isn’t hidden from my view, as a matter of fact, it is so clear that I don’t see it as a limiting personal/group belief that I’ve accepted as truth, I see it as “reality”.

Like many of us, I was raised in a home and religious tradition where divorce was considered wrong, bad, and a sin against god, so when I knew in my heart that my first marriage was over, and that I wanted a divorce, a part of me couldn’t accept this. If divorce was wrong/bad, and I got divorced (and even worse, it wouldn’t be  flung upon me so I could feel like an innocent victim) then it would make me wrong/bad. Just the thought that I wanted a divorce reinforced the idea that I was a bad, flawed,  and unspiritual person.

I began to have dreams that I was about to walk down the aisle to get married and as I stood in the back of the church, I’d realize that I didn’t have to do it and would feel elated until I also realized in my dream that I was already married, then I’d feel depressed. Night after night, year after year, I’d have this dream; a dream that tortured me, until I made the decision to get a divorce, and then I never had that dream again.

The teacher that I needed was coming through in my dreams, since I wouldn’t listen to her in my waking hours. She was showing me that I’d accepted a “rule” made up by some other person/group in some other age, as my rule and then I lived within the confines of that rule/cage: hating captivity but fearing the horrors of hell if I escaped. I also began to see that before I’d had the courage to get a divorce, I’d been one of the most judgemental and critical people regarding it. I looked down on those divorced ones as less than moral.

I can usually spot a limiting belief/rule/cage now by how I react to others. If I find myself being hyper-critical then “my teacher” is very aware and actively trying to say, “Look there Mary and see yourself.”  Our limiting beliefs are not hidden away in some dark recess of our minds or psyches. They are as plain and clear as our critical judgements about ourselves or others. When I am ready to see, I see.

It’s also important not to beat ourselves up when we finally do see these not-so-pretty sides to ourselves. We’ve suffered enough by not seeing ourselves clearly and projecting our garbage out on others. See it, own it, accept it and release it…and then, if you can try to smile at yourself…maybe do a little victory dance. Be easy. We are all learning, and if you are brave enough to face yourself, then you are a courageous being who deserves a little recognition from the teacher. Give yourself a gold star today!

 

cupcake Jeezum crow 2 (one of my new paintings)

Jeezum crow 2 (one of my new paintings) on MY ARTWORK PAGE

6 thoughts on “teacher recognition day

  1. Boy, have you ever hit the nail on the head this morning, Mary….I’m printing this one off as a reminder of my less than perfect self.
    SandyP in Canada

  2. Hi Mary! Is “I Celebrate Myself” still available? If it is, I would love to take it off the market! I haven’t visited your artwork page

  3. For many years after divorcing my 1st husband, I thought there was something very wrong with ME. I was encouraged by my family and religion to feel guilt. That I’d made a ” mistake” . It took a very long time for me to recognize that I’d fallen into a relationship that was simply not a good combination of personalities. There was nothing wrong with him or me. We were simply too young and had had no guidance , thought role model , or experience in relationships .
    How times have changed, for sure. At this later time in life, I fully embrace looking at ourselves, being kind toward ourselves… It is so very true that if we do not do that, how can we be more open minded and gentler towards others on the path of life. Every single day I am grateful that there is a way to release old thoughts old rigidities, and to grant our friends and families the comfort of our loving acceptance no matter if they are in a place to return it. It is so freeing when we can. Reading your posts and the comments of others makes me aware that many other brave and thoughtful ones are gathered here at White Feather .

    • Bobbiemeri, I think most people do the best they can at the time difficult things happen in their lives. To look back is only natural, to second guess ourselves, to blame ourselves. It is part of who we are, mostly as women I think. I’ve made difficult decisions in my life as have others here and yet, to this day, those difficult decisions were well thought out and the action taken as a result, was thought out as well. They may not have been right to others but to me, it was how I handled it for me and I don’t feel I’ve done such a bad job of it still all these years later. You’re right, this forum is supportive of us all. It is good to be kind to ourselves; we are to others; why not ourselves. It’s good to reach this point in life which you seem to have done yourself.
      SandyP in Canada

  4. Sandy, I thank you for your words . I must admit , reaching this point of accepting myself was very hard won. There are times I waver , and then .. Mary’s posts remind me that others struggle and soldier on too , and all the things we are reminded of by our association in this forum puts starch back in my shirt! When I can write out my feelings and what I’ve come to learn, it becomes even more real to me… And I do appreciate your frankness and how you hold your thought process out , sometimes openly contemplate how to feel about things. Your very realness and honesty show me how to work things through!

  5. Oh, Mary, what a wonderful post (and I love the squirrel – and the crow). To internalize it and make it part of who I am would be a sign of real growth. We came from the same ‘divorce tradition’ as you did, and my sister’s divorce hit the family hard. But seeing the life that her ex-husband has chosen has helped me see that for her the change in her life was a gift, even if at the time it seemed like anything but. Thanks so much for your insight.

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