Jack and I got home a few days ago from my 60th birthday trip. Everything seemed to unfold like magic as we entered this 4 day excursion. Then on the third day, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme nausea. By 5 a.m. I’d been to the bathroom at least 40 times and was exhausted and completely drained. All of my plans for the next day were off. I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to fly home the following day much less leave our room that day. I tried to sleep but was still in a fair amount of pain…but not so much that I couldn’t think back over the past 4 hours and try to get some insight into what had happened.
Two things became clear right away.
The first was when I let my mind ask questions about the past, like, “What did I eat?” or “Why did I eat so much?” or things like that, I felt horrible. Asking questions (that truly had no answer that could have helped anyway) led me directly into hell. I went from simply being in pain to being in pain with emotional suffering heaped on top. When I asked myself questions about the past or projected into the future with thoughts like, “How will I be able to get on an airplane?” or “I’ll have to cancel our dinner with Tom and Lindsay”, or “Jack is going to have to spend the day alone and it is my fault”, my suffering increased, and it seemed like the pain did too.
The second insight that happened was when I thought, “This is happening for me. What if this isn’t wrong?” When I thought these things, I noticed that I felt better. When I let go of all of my preconceived ideas about what a vacation should be or what the next day should be or even what that moment should be, I began to feel lighter. I was genuinely surprised by the thought, “Well, maybe I’ll just imagine that I’m at a spa doing a ‘cleanse'”. It was followed by thoughts like, “The bathroom is only 15 feet away from my bed. The bed is really comfortable. In this moment I have everything I need.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but these were thoughts of gratitude for my life exactly as it was in the moment, and I can now see that those higher thoughts brought a light with them…a healing light, first for my mind and then for my body.
I was able to fly home the next day and even go out to a wonderful dinner the following night. I ate less than I normally would have but enjoyed the evening to the fullest. Jack had a great day by himself exploring The Wizarding World of Harry Potter by himself…he even rode the “Escape from Gringot’s” ride four times in a row, something he never would have done if I was along.
I’ve felt lighter since I returned from the trip and can say without reservation that I wouldn’t change one thing about it. It was perfect.
“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment…Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you.” Eckhart Tolle