I woke up this morning with the words, “All relationships exist only in your mind”, running through my mind. I’ve grown comfortable with the concept that people are constantly mirroring myself back to me, but this new thought/idea that the relationship (them and me) itself isn’t something fixed by the interplay of “us” but is mostly a self-constructed/imagined reality of my doing, is a new level of thought/experience for me.
Lately, I’ve seen evidence of this truth playing out in my life.
For as long as I could remember, I’d had a difficult/unpleasant relationship with one of my uncles. Even though I was polite when we saw each other (which was infrequent), I was critical of him both in my mind and to family members. Last year, I decided to change this. I began to imagine a group of friends holding hands and dancing in a circle, and I included him. I saw him laughing and hugging me when the dance was over. I played this scene over and over in my mind until it felt real.
Several months ago, an unfamiliar van pulled into my driveway. As the driver got out of the car, I could see that she was carrying a bouquet of flowers. I couldn’t imagine who was sending me flowers, for no special occasion…they were from my uncle. We hadn’t spoken in ages and he’d never sent me flowers before.
It didn’t take two to change our relationship. It didn’t take sitting down and hashing out past grievances. I was at peace with him, in my mind, before the flowers arrived.
For so many years, I failed to see that my own critical, judgmental, and unhappy thoughts about others were the very things holding those people in negative, fixed, states in their relationship to me. And truthfully, I was really hesitant to see anyone I was upset with, or felt hurt by, as happy, healthy, or doing well. As odd as this sounds, I didn’t think that they deserved my good thoughts. I didn’t realize that as long as I held them in an unhappy, fixed state of mind, I was also holding myself in that place too.
“Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” Neville Goddard