The happier I become, the more I like you.


I woke up this morning with the words, “All relationships exist only in your mind”, running through my mind. I’ve grown comfortable with the concept that people are constantly mirroring myself back to me, but this new thought/idea that the relationship (them and me) itself isn’t something fixed by the interplay of “us” but is mostly a self-constructed/imagined reality of my doing, is a new level of thought/experience for me.

Lately, I’ve seen evidence of this truth playing out in my life.

For as long as I could remember, I’d had a difficult/unpleasant relationship with one of my uncles. Even though I was polite when we saw each other (which was infrequent), I was critical of him both in my mind and to family members. Last year, I decided to change this. I began to imagine a group of friends holding hands and dancing in a circle, and I included him. I saw him laughing and hugging me when the dance was over. I played this scene over and over in my mind until it felt real.

Several months ago, an unfamiliar van pulled into my driveway. As the driver got out of the car, I could see that she was carrying a bouquet of flowers. I couldn’t imagine who was sending me flowers, for no special occasion…they were from my uncle. We hadn’t spoken in ages and he’d never sent me flowers before.

It didn’t take two to change our relationship. It didn’t take sitting down and hashing out past grievances. I was at peace with him, in my mind, before the flowers arrived.

For so many years, I failed to see that my own critical, judgmental, and unhappy thoughts about others were the very things holding those people in negative, fixed, states in their relationship to me. And truthfully, I was really hesitant to see anyone I was upset with, or felt hurt by, as happy, healthy, or doing well. As odd as this sounds, I didn’t think that they deserved my good thoughts. I didn’t realize that as long as I held them in an unhappy, fixed state of mind, I was also holding myself in that place too.

“Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” Neville Goddard



11 thoughts on “The happier I become, the more I like you.”

  1. Mary, fewer postings but well worth the wait. I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of what goes on in our lives comes from ourselves. If we are in a conflicting relationship, yes, I feel there is responsibility on both parties but one needs to give before it resolves itself. It’s a good post and one to keep.
    SandyP, in Can.

  2. I like this a lot. It makes me realize how powerful changing our thoughts, or being open to acting from divine inspiration is to our relationships. Last Friday I was feeling the void of not much communication from one of my sons. I decided to drop a bouquet of flowers to his social worker.
    She was actually in the hallway when I opened the door and able to tell me he is doing well now. When I left I just happened to see him walking down the road and was able to drive him to work! If I hadn’t followed the urge to buy the flowers I wouldn’t have seen either one of them. We had a wonderful Easter and I see God’s grace happening in the small details!

  3. Dear Mary, thank you for this wonderful reminder of how powerful our attitudes and thoughts are. I am reminded that this principle (of how we view/think of others is exactly how they will appear to us) also applies to the thoughts we have towards ourselves. It is so much easier for me to catch myself thinking negatively of someone else, but so challenging to catch my critical mind doing the same thing to me! Bless you, as always.

  4. Thank you for these wonderful words of wisdom. You have given me a tool not only for personal growth; but to recapture important relationships I have damaged thru my wrong-headed thinking.

  5. Thank you, Mary, for sharing this story with us. I have been learning this lesson for some months now. For years I have felt a distance between me and one of my sisters, with no understanding of what the distance was about. I believed that it was she who was holding back from me. I decided to start looking at her differently and daily, during my meditation time, sent loving energy to her heart from mine. You can imagine my delight when, within a few months, I began to notice a warming trend in her communications with me. Since then, our connection has been growing stronger. It was my choice to make a change within me that created a different dynamic between us. My perception of her was actually what had created the distance between us. What a lesson!

Comments are closed.