loving the mystery

P1250675

“HOME” a new mixed media piece of mine…the eggs are from a local family who raise chickens for the love of it. (it’s for sale on MY ARTWORK PAGE)

 

Last Thursday, I drove by a house that almost took my breath away. I parked my car and walked down the old tree-lined street, from the house to downtown Burlington, imagining what it would be like to call this home.

I’ve been looking at houses around the area for several years, but none have come close to the appeal of this one. It is everything that I’ve been looking for; it’s large and old with several porches and fireplaces, a nice backyard, and, it’s only ten minutes from my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson’s home.

My emotions and mind were scrambling. It was thrilling to see something that looked like the fulfillment of a dream, but within minutes, my feelings plummeted into doubt and despair. There was no way that I could afford this house.

I knew that I had to change my thoughts, so I began to say, “I am always in the right place at the right time. If this is meant to be my home, it will happen, even if I have no idea how.” I felt much better, but still had to work on my mind which seemed to slip into the feeling of desperate longing for something that seemed out of reach.

This morning while I was on a walk, again thinking about this house, I heard myself say, “If I am ready this will happen” but those words felt discouraging. The subtle message in them was, “If I am good enough, If I’ve done enough work to deserve it, If I’ve grown spiritually enough to line up with this kind of abundance…” and of course, a part of me never thinks that I’m good enough, or that I’ve done enough, or ever will.

At that moment, I changed my mind. Not about wanting this home or moving, but my attitude about myself. I began to say, “If this is right for me, it will happen.” It was such an exhilarating feeling to go from, “Oh, I hope that I’m good enough. I hope that I am ready!”, with all that this implies about being “less than” and needed to elevate myself, to, “I am open and ready for the right home: one that matches my desire.” I was suddenly on equal footing with my dream, instead of seeing it as better than me.

There has to be harmony to this move. If I desperately struggle and try to force it, I will carry that energy with me.The energy that we use to accomplish our goals and dreams floats around the final manifestation/outcome like a bubble, attracting more of the same. If I struggle to get something/make something happen, I will struggle, or feel as though I need to struggle, to keep it …or get rid of it. Desperate energy repels what we want most, and most of us have gone after something like this at least once in our lives. I have many times.

When I was single, I couldn’t stand to be without a date, so I went out with guys whom I knew weren’t right for me. I didn’t want to be alone, and I feared no one else would come along, or if they did, they wouldn’t be interested in me, so I said yes when I should have said no, or I’d desperately chase a guy that I was sure was the one for me, only to have him run, quickly, away.

It took me a long time to learn about trusting the greater harmony of Life…and sometimes I still forget, especially when I really want something. But I love having the opportunity to look at it, and talk about it, right in the middle of it, and in this moment, I am at peace with the mystery. I actually feel excitement and adventure in the air, and it feels like what life should be…not something that is completely predictable, foreseeable, or known, but something that has elements of wonder and promise, punctuated with occasional surprises that leave us happily speechless.

Will I eventually buy this home? I don’t know. But I know that I am open and I know that whatever happens, it will be right, because I really am always in the right place at the right time.

“There is nothing to change bur out concept of self. Humanity is a single being in spite of its many forms and faces, and there is in it only such seeming separation as we find in our own being when we are dreaming. The pictures and circumstances we see in dreams are the creations of our own imagination and have no existence save in ourselves. The same is true of the pictures and circumstances we see in this dream of life. They reveal our concepts of ourselves. As soon as we succeed in transforming self, our world will dissolve and reshape itself in harmony with that which our change affirms.” From, The Search, by Neville Goddard

 

22 thoughts on “loving the mystery

  1. I am soooooo glad that you posted and that you wrote what you did. First of all I have MISSED you and your writings and our talking. As I take MY walks, I think of the many many sessions we have had and the wisdom you have imparted and shared. I have to chuckle at your post as I had been thinking of having a session with you about something — something new for me — I have met a man who I find interesting in so far as he is such a nice man and, like you, in the past, I would be chasing him from here to there to “make it happen.” (BTW, I have not had a date in over 30 years — no interest whatsoever) So, we play pickleball and text and I am just enjoying his company and just who he is. Like “your home,” if it were to become a “romance,” fine — but just plain old having a good time is lots of fun. Sending love to you. (My negative self-talk — that I have changed — has been — I am way too old for him, I hope he doesn’t know my age, I wonder if he knows what a pain in the neck I can be, etc. etc.) So, again, thanks for the very timely post and for all that we have shared.

    • Oh Mary! I am so happy that you wrote too. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us. What a delight to read…my thoughts are with you as you enter this adventure…

  2. One of my earliest learnings from you Mary was if I hold my vision long enough and strong enough for the Universe to grab hold…so it will be! I can imagine the house and the street as you describe it…and will hold that vision for you as well! How cool would it be to be that close to Griffin and family!!! 🙏💖

    • Thank you a million for reminding me of what I do believe but also forget at times, Kathye. It is lovely to think of you holding this vision with me. I feel a deep comfort in that.

  3. Thank you Mary. It’s a beautiful vision, and that’s how all things manifest, from a vision. Now that you have shared it with us all, the vision has that much more opportunity to become something more. 🙂 Whatever unfolds, wishing you abundant Magic!

    • You know, I never thought about how sharing this on the blog could make me feel so much more “connected” to my dream/vision…but I do feel it now. Thank you!

  4. You always share such insight Mary and while you are speaking of your own experiences, it touches so many of us too.. Whether you are ready right now to pursue this home or not, I feel that you are getting yourself in a good and positive position to go forward ~ how exciting! I will be praying for you and for good things to happen ❤️

  5. Dear Mary, So great to hear from you! I know that it is so easy to over analyze our desires. We play this mind game with ourselves and God. So all I know is that God put the desire In your heart so he will fulfill it! That’s it! Much joy and love to you and my prayers too! So laugh, love and enjoy! Joan

  6. A timely reminder for me.. Thankyou for the thoughts and words.. Very centering for me.

    • I am delighted to know that my words and thoughts have a positive impact…and your comment feels like a lovely ripple of good energy coming my way as well.

    • I love the way that it works…often, I find that what I wrote was exactly what I needed to hear and get more clarity on too…with this post it is especially true (more to come on that!) Thank you, Sandy.

  7. Mary, I, too, have missed your ‘musings’ and hope to see more but assumed you were busy with ‘life’ and art. The reminder that our minds and thoughts rule both positively and negatively and how we choose to think is something I’ve been missing in my life. It’s nice to see WhiteFeatherFarm come into my inbox.
    SandyP, in Can.

    • Thank you, Sandy! I have been very busy with good things/life…another grandbaby due in 3 weeks…I sometimes don’t write when a lot of good is happening, but I am not ready/able to articulate it and this has been the case lately. Happy thoughts to you today!

  8. I appreciate how vulnerable you make yourself to us readers…makes me want to be that “human”. Miss you…

  9. Dear Mary, I love the way you examine the language of thoughts and move through the subtle nuances of what they imply.
    I have a long commute to and from work these days that gives me plenty of time to come up with some very grand schemes. Often, when I’m lost in thought I’ll notice a truck on the highway with a message in big bold capital letters with a message just for me. It says, “DO NOT PUSH”.

Comments are closed.