a 15 minute trip…the destination is your choice

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He Holds the Universe in His Hands (painting available on my artwork page)

Several nights ago, Jack and I got into a lengthy discussion about our relationship. After 20 minutes of “honestly” telling each other what we felt was missing, how we had been disappointed, discouraged, angry, hurt, and generally dissatisfied, we both felt horrible. The more we talked about what was wrong (in an attempt to correct these shortcomings) the worse we felt.

I know this truth: look for what is wrong and you will find it. Attempt to solve problems or clear misunderstandings from a place of unhappiness and all of the negative, crappy, old complaints will jump on that train and take you on a ride to hell.

As we sat on the couch feeling more and more deflated, we decided to try something different and began to talk about what we appreciated and loved about each other. Within a few minutes, our energy lightened, and just like when we talked about what we didn’t like, and more examples popped up to confirm that we were in fact a mess, as we talked about what was good, fun, loving, caring, wonderful, surprising, delightful, and happy, more memories, stories, and occasions presented themselves as well.

In 15 minutes, we went from discouragement to actual happiness about where we were as a couple, and even where we had been.

 

15 minutes.

 

What I know is that anyone can do this. You do not need special training or any skill other than a genuine desire to see yourself and “the other” with new eyes. If you can’t sit down with the person who you believe is causing you so much pain, then do this in your mind. Imagine having the new, positive, conversation and do it until your energy changes.This is what I believe true forgiveness is.

There is a self-defeating human tendency to not want to think anything good about the person we blame for our unhappiness. It can almost feel like we will loose our leverage (anger, resentment, etc.) if we see the good in them or forgive them…especially if we don’t think that this will be reciprocated. But if we don’t do this, we will end up bitter, small, and more fearful, believing that we need to protect ourselves from further injury.

Love is the only power strong enough to protect us from harm, and the field of Love is accessed through the open mind…and heart.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

15 thoughts on “a 15 minute trip…the destination is your choice

  1. This post has such meaning, love and hope woven all around your words. And it follows something I heard on Friday that opened my heart and my eyes a little more as well. And now I have two really
    compelling and complementary perspectives to think about and to apply to all my relationships. I was in the car headed home and listening to a talk radio show. A women called in and said she had the BEST husband in the world, married 18 years, wonderful guy, great father…BUT…BUT…then came the ‘but’. The host pried a little more but the conclusion was that no single person can satisfy 100% of our emotional needs. No one person can do that. Ever. We own the largest part of our happiness. Looking to another to ‘make us happy’ puts so much pressure on the other person. The therapist also
    said that the caller could have 100 different men, or her husband could have 100 different wives, and no one of them, no single one of them, would/could satisfy 100% of either of their emotional needs. It made me think a lot about how I get my emotional needs met…and I am concluding that I get my needs met through several different relationships at different times depending on what I am unconcsciously seeking/needing…yes, my husband, but also my friends, my family, my spiritual teacher, my neighbor…nature, meditation. Because I know that I need to be happy at my core, at my center…no one else can make an unhappy person happy. I really enjoy this topic. Because it is really important. Love is important work. Thank you for your sharing today Mary. A 15 minute trip…wow! You have really made an excellent point in a very effective way! Love to you and Jack!💛

    • Very thought provoking and I must agree ~ I have always said this about my friends, I get different things from different ones ~ some are easier to be with, some provide stimulating conversation, some share past histories, etc. and I love them all. ❤️

  2. How totally true and honest…and refreshing this post is. Whatever we dwell on IS…I’m so glad you and Jack took the 15 minutes to swell on the good and the positive things about each other. Love and hugs to you both ❤️❤️❤️

  3. Dearest Mary,

    This is BEAUTIFUL, love in action!

    I’m so very happy for you and Jack

    You’re absolutely right – the choice is ours

    Have you heard of Nick Bantock’s “Griffin & Sabine” series? Great fun and so much more….. Soul food and I think you’ll love the artwork 🙂

    Hugs & love, Monika

    On Aug 14, 2016 1:20 PM, Mary Muncil ♡ White Feather Farm wrote:

    > Mary Muncil posted: ” Several nights ago, Jack and I got into a lengthy > discussion about our relationship. After 20 minutes of “honestly” telling > each other what we felt was missing, how we had been disappointed, > discouraged, angry, hurt, and generally dissatisfied, we both ” >

  4. Enlightening reminder, Mary. Thank you. My husband did something very very sweet this morning and I kept feeling a draw to “why does this feel so rare, so special?” which would have dragged me down into what is “wrong”. Instead I reveled in the sweetness and the love both behind it and that it evoked for me. Gentle, soft words, Mary. Thanks.

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