In the last post, I shared my experience of meeting with a former boyfriend/lover and how surprised I was at how much he hadn’t changed. The old “hooks” and words he spoke, which used to pull me in and make me feel so much longing and desperation to have more of him, did not have the same effect on me. He was still saying many of the same things, but I wasn’t feeling drawn in.
When we parted, I realized that I had changed and it felt good. Since that time, I’ve thought a lot about that meeting. I wondered what exactly I’d done that was different?The answer just came to me today: I wasn’t playing any games. I wasn’t trying to get him to come back or “want me” again. I didn’t have an ulterior motive when I asked him to meet me other than wanting to see him again.
This was it. This was the difference, because even though I hadn’t seen him in many years, I’d often thought about how I’d act if I ever ran into him. I hoped that I would be looking fabulous and happy and that he would feel regret that he didn’t stick things out with me…even though I didn’t want to be with him anymore!
In the past, when I’d contemplated what I’d do if I saw him, I imagined projecting myself with style and grace…like an actor on the stage? Yikes.
It occurred to me this morning that I was so clear about him for the simple reason that I wasn’t playing games. I wasn’t trying to get him to feel any way (regret, remorse, disappointment that he and I weren’t together) and I wasn’t trying to be someone “fabulous”. I just showed up as open as I could be. When we parted I felt clear, clean, and whole.
Playing games with people robs us of our clarity and self-respect. Game playing can temporarily make us feel like we are in control but it ultimately results in emptiness. Games are a waste of our time and a wasted opportunity for true connection/communication…but they can be so tempting! Rehearsing what we’ll say, projecting images of ourselves that we hope others will see, pretending that we don’t care when we do, pretending we care when we don’t…
The time is now to be who we were meant to be. Self-love, self-respect, self-caring all bring such authentic joy and peace and this is where I want to live.
It’s not too late!……Special Fall Tune Up/Tune In
Pain and struggle are helpful catalysts in getting us to the point where we surrender or break open to new realities, but we can also grow by making a choice to do so. We can choose to be open, and kind to ourselves, and through this open, kind-heartedness, we can become open to being taught from within.
I believe that we all have an inner teacher/voice that directs us toward happiness and inner peace, and yet sometimes we feel as though we can’t access or trust that voice.
This fall special will be focused on exactly that: learning to hear and trust your own Wisdom. It is for everyone: new and old clients. My usual rate for a ½ hr. session is $35, but I’ve been wanting to offer something new for a while and the thought to offer a fall tune up/tune in series came to me as I was driving this morning. I also hoped to make it affordable, so it will be $75 for three ½ hr. sessions. We can meet here in my office/home or by phone.