I’ve learned a couple of things as I walk through this journey of endings and new beginnings. Those of us, who have been through divorces, or any difficult big-life transitions/challenges, soon realize that others are often quick to share their stories with us. This isn’t particularly surprising, but what has been very helpful to my own journey, is the knowledge that while I need and want to walk through this consciously, I also want/need to continue to let go of the past…really let it go, not gloss it over, refuse to deal with it, or sink so deep into it, that “my divorce story” with all of its pain and drama, becomes who I am.
I’ve listened to countless stories of divorce and deception that happened years and even decades ago, and yet as these stories are recalled, they feel as fresh to me (and I’m sure to the person telling me the story) as if they had just happened. All of that old pain is just sitting there, patiently waiting for an opportunity to be resurrected.
Years ago, I read something by the spiritual teacher/healer, Carolyn Myss where she addressed this tendency in human beings to hold onto painful pasts and then find others to commiserate with. She called it finding our “wound-mates”.
I will be the first to admit that there is a comfort (at first) in finding others who have been through similar traumatic experiences. We can really express our pain and hurt with them, and this can be healing, but the next step and important question needs to be there also: How can we grow, heal, and move on to new life?
I don’t want to be talking about this divorce, or what happened in my marriage, in a year, or ten years from now, and have years of pain come up. I want to deal with it now…and I am.
A question that I have asked myself all along is how did I contribute to this? Anything that “happens to me” has a root inside. In my case, when I felt deceived, I asked myself where I hadn’t been honest. There is a freedom in this that feels, when we are going through the process of honest self-examination, like a knife to the heart. It’s like, “Shit! I’m already in a ton of pain. Do I have to also see what I did wrong or where I was responsible for my life situation?” The ego throws such a fit, but it is the very thing that I don’t want to face that is the doorway into freedom.
Life is a mystery and an adventure into the unknown…or at least it can be. I want to live fully in the now, and to do that I must be willing to see clearly how I have contributed to my life situation.
I’ve also been asking myself the question, What do I need to do now to move on?**and I’ve gotten a few very important dreams that gave me the guidance I needed. Dreams are such a rich resource of very personal information and help if we ask for them, and take the time to decipher them. This is also an important part of the work that I do in my professional life…help others to navigate the highly symbolic images and language of their dreams to find solutions. Another mysterious facet of dreams is that they often are not personal. If someone really wants to tell you a dream, listen closely…it most probably has a message for you.
Life is happening for me, and for you, when I dare to take the step into my new life, I have begun to see that no matter what happened, it all worked for my good.
“When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” Lau Tzu
** I listed my home for sale yesterday…if you want to take a look, it is on Keller Williams Capital District’s website, GetTheDiehlDone.com. 148 Dunbar Rd. Cambridge, NY 12816 or feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you can’t find the link