Tag Archive | inner peace

The journey of life…

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Eleanor resting

Several days ago as I was walking on a very rural road, I heard a door open…there were no houses around. As I continued along, I began to see red-tailed hawks, which I’ve always associated with my paternal grandmother, Maude. I returned home and noticed a male cardinal sitting in a tree near the entrance to our driveway, and the words, “Hi Dad” came out of my mouth. I’d never associated cardinals with my father before, and I hadn’t heard from him in months, so the words surprised me. Later that evening I found out that my father had passed away…probably while I was on my walk. After I made the necessary phone calls to family and went to bed, a deep feeling of relief and freedom came over me. I felt like I was flying and I could feel my father laughing and flying too. This feeling has stayed with me.

My father was 91 years old and for the past 6 months, he had cut off communication with everyone except his wife and her family, and since they didn’t communicate with us either, I felt somewhat in the dark. Around Christmas time, I finally made peace with the idea that I would not see him or talk with him again. This took a lot of focus on my part. My mind would keep saying things like, “How dare he keep me away after I’ve been so good to him!” or “Why doesn’t he want to see me? Did I do something wrong?” But I kept bringing myself back to the thought, “Even if I don’t understand this, at some level, it has to be right.”

After he died, I could see how his letting go of me last summer was really a blessing. It helped me to let go of my ideas about how things “should” be, and to not judge either him or myself for the way he chose to live and to die.

Over these past few days, I’ve felt closer to my father than ever before. All barriers to love are dissolved and what I sense now, when I think about him, is laughter, light, and a spirit of fun.

I realize that my experience of my father’s death is not everyone’s. Many people do feel deep grief, loss, sadness, or despair. But my experience is a valid one too, and one that many people feel uncomfortable expressing. Over the years, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people who have had a parent die and say that they feel guilty because they don’t feel bad.

That is the reason for my writing today. I truly do not need or want condolences. There is a Divine order to this life, this universe, that is beyond my conscious mind’s ability to understand. My father’s life here on earth, and his life now in the unseen realm, is a part of the mystery of being, and I am so happy that I was, and am, a part of that. As odd as it may have looked to others, as “dysfunctional” and disturbing as it could have been described, life as Bob Muncil’s daughter was a wild trip. Bon voyage, Dad!

Some of us think holding on makes us strong: but sometimes it is letting go.”            Hermann Hess

A soft, gentle, feeling

Noah and Luke

Noah and Luke

Last week, I was given the book, Testimony of Light, by Helen Greaves. For a long time, I’ve held the belief that those who’ve left this physical plane still exist (and can communicate with the living). Yet as I started to read this book (and especially the first chapter which seemed like it was really trying to convince the reader that this communication was real) I felt skeptical. I almost put the book down, but something deeper said to push past that skeptical mind. The feeling was more like, “Don’t give in to that small, cynical voice”.

I seem to be in a period of my life where lots of books on life after death (and near-death) experience are coming to me, and as I read them, one message stands out: Love. Now. Don’t waste your time here re-hashing complaints, grievances and stories of who did you wrong, or wallowing in guilt over who you have hurt. Criticizing anyone, including yourself, is a waste of time. Be prepared to forgive everyone for everything (including yourself) and do it now.

Maybe this is coming to me at this time because I am ready to hear it. I used to think that forgiveness meant contacting someone, talking it out, and re-establishing a friendly relationship with that person, but I’ve come to see that this is an immature view of forgiveness. Some people are not ready for a face-to-face connection, and may never be. Forgiveness happens in our own hearts. How do I know that I’ve forgiven? When I am clear, in heart and mind about “them”. If they walk into my life right now asking for forgiveness and I cringe, then I haven’t forgiven. If I think I’ve forgiven, but have really just shut them out, I’m fooling myself.

There is a beautiful scene in this book where Frances (the woman who has crossed over) is praying with others for someone who is in very bad (emotional and spiritual) shape. As this “group” gathered, the thought was,

“Let us feel a gentle, soft, healing Light, God’s healing Force, of the utmost sweetness and gentleness pour out from our souls to his. Let us ask that Light may come into this place: that it may touch him, comfort him…”*

I knew, when I read this prayer, that until I could feel this way about everyone, I still had work to do, and truly I am happy to know this. It is an important part of my work here…maybe the most important “work” that I will do. What is the purpose/mission/goal/meaning of my life? It is simple. Love. To Love myself and all others. Forgive myself and all others. To be my true self; happy, joyous, free, and peacefully alive.

Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Marianne Williamson

*pages 50-51 from Testimony of Light by Helen Greaves

True protection

Fred

Fred

A few years ago, I made an appointment with an energy practitioner whom I’d heard good things about. I traveled quite a distance to meet with him, and found the session to be very powerful, but at the end he strongly suggested that I come back for follow-up appointments, indicating that I needed quite a bit more work. This surprised me since I hadn’t yet considered coming back, and I hadn’t asked for another appointment. When I did ask what he meant, his answer was cryptic. It felt off.

I left the session saying that I would get back to him, but I didn’t. A year later I heard that he had been forced to stop practicing because of unethical behaviour, and I wasn’t that surprised. No matter how gifted he was in this area of his life, he had another huge area that he hadn’t yet cleared in himself, and it eventually seeped into his approach with his clients.

I believe that people know what is best for them, and I continue to hold that truth in my own practice; I always let my clients make the follow-up appointments. I know that a number of people have found this odd and a bit disconcerting, but it isn’t because I have forgotten to schedule their next session, or because I don’t want to work with them. It is my deepest belief that no one should leave an appointment feeling like they are not OK without my (or the therapist/healers/doctor’s) help.

If I feel like someone knows more about me than I do, or they have some hidden keys to me, and I need them (specifically) or else I’m in trouble, then something is off. If I am not more empowered, healthier, stronger, or better after an appointment, then I need to examine this relationship. Is this person trying to make me dependent on them for some reason? (financial, emotional, sexual?)….it can happen.

All of us human beings have areas of our lives that we need to come up higher in. If you are feeling like something isn’t quite right with a relationship, try trusting that inner voice, ask your inner-self for guidance, and let it go. The answer will come to you; maybe in a song, a dream, a passage in a book, a sign on the road, ….but you can trust in the divine part of yourself to lead you to the correct path or to bring more clarity to the one you are on.

When I finally heard what had happened to the man who I’d had the session with, I didn’t feel happy or glad about it. I sent him a silent blessing and imagined him surrounded by light and peace. I sincerely hope that he clears things up within himself. He has many gifts to give to this world, and it is my wish for him that he have the opportunity to offer them in a better way,… and I wouldn’t hesitate to see him again if I felt that inner call to do so.

I can trust my inner voice, and so can you. We don’t need to be fearful or hyper-vigilant, always trying to “protect” ourselves. If I am having trouble (mentally) with someone, the best thing I can do is to bless them, think no harmful thoughts, and trust that the way that I need to proceed (with or without this relationship) will be made clear.

The still, small voice always lets us know which way to turn; it is our best friend and we can trust it.

“As you walk, bless the city in which you live, its government and teachers, its nurses and street sweepers, its children and bankers, its priests and prostitutes. The minute anyone expresses the least aggression or unkindness to you, respond with a blessing; Bless them totally, sincerely, joyfully–for such blessings are a shield that protects them from the ignorance of their misdeed and deflects the arrow that was aimed at you…..Blessing those who attack us in any manner, in word or deed, constitutes truly that impenetrable armor and prevents arrows aimed at us from wounding us inside, even if we are touched physically. For the minute one is clothed with the love such blessings express, one is no longer at the mercy of outside circumstances, persons, forces or events. “ The Gentle Art of Blessing: Lessons for Living One’s Spirituality in Everyday Life, by Pierre Pradervand)

A Festival of Lights, beauty everywhere

The light inside

I was sitting in my car on Sunday morning, waiting for it to warm up, and saw this beautiful pattern on the windshield.  At this time of year, we are lighting a lot of lights and candles; celebrating Hanukkah, the Winter Solstice, Christmas, but as lovely as these traditions are, they are only “pointers” to what can be happening within us; within our own hearts and minds.

I had a lunch date with my mother a few days ago, and felt less than excited as I drove to the restaurant. I suddenly had the idea to imagine a little white candle burning in my heart, and the glow of it spreading out like loving arms. I drove along with this image, and felt larger and lighter myself. We had a wonderful time. I came home and emailed my brother to tell him about it, not realizing until this morning, that I had written to him, “Mom seemed really good, she was light…” What I was feeling, I saw in her too.

The world is an out-picturing of our inner state. Anais Nin wrote that you don’t see the world the way it is, you see the world the way that you are. If I feel heavy with worry, anger or judgement, the world will supply me with an endless stream of things to feel worse about. I’ll think it is “the world” and forget that it is the state of my mind finding expression in the people, places and things that come into my day.

Today I am going to, on purpose, look for the good; first inside myself…then, I’ll see it everywhere I go. Even on my car windshield, even in the smile of my 84 year old mother.